


Grooming

by Alkalyne, Feelsripper



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Long Shot, M/M, Tragedy, big story, chapters of variable length, head canon, lerwin, lots of head canon, no seriously turn back while you still have the chance, woops my trippy slipped, you know that stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-25 16:29:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 57,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alkalyne/pseuds/Alkalyne, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feelsripper/pseuds/Feelsripper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin knows his time is coming to an end--somebody has to replace him. But who? It's a toss up between Jean and Armin and the clock is ticking.</p><p>[Structure Note: Chapter, 3 clusters, Chapter-Chapter, 3 clusters--lather, rinse, repeat.]</p><p>Content Edits:<br/>Chp "14": Pairing update<br/>Chp "16": Rating bump.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this picks up shortly after the events of chp48. So whatever happens from here on out--just think of it as an AU to the manga :)
> 
> And Feelsripper is a co-author because without her help and input, this wouldn't exist and would make even less sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that this picks up shortly after the events of chp48 (I posted this literally the night before the spoilers were leaked, apparently). So whatever happens from here on out--just think of it as an AU to the manga :)
> 
> And Feelsripper is a co-author because without her help and input, this wouldn't exist and would make even less sense.

It was the horse going from canter to trot that woke her up.

“Don't move,” said a strong, familiar voice.

She obeyed.

“My, you really have grown.” He chuckled.

“Father...where am I?” Sasha croaked. Her throat felt dry and her head heavy.

“Yer on a horse and we're on our way back to yer Scoutin' crew.” He said. 

She cracked open her eyes. The first thing she saw were his hands—worn and holding on tight to the reigns. This wasn't the same horse had been riding when she found them. Careful to not move her aching body, Sasha's eyes swept across the surroundings.

It was the familiar green and spread of trees that indicated they were back at where she and the others had been stationed. The sky was a brilliant orange and the clouds pink. It was an oddly cheerful thing, she realized, to be so grateful to see this sunset. Perhaps it was the colors or maybe the fact she was back with her father.

But the birds were chirping. This wasn't sunset--it was sunrise.

Sasha's eyes widened. “Father!” She almost jumped up. But startling the horse wasn't a good idea, nor was headbutting her father in the chin. “I left when it was mid-day! Did Eren seal the breach so soon?”

She watched one hand leave the reigns. He was readjusting his hat, as he often did before giving a serious response. “I don' quite know what yer meanin', Sasha.” The hand returned to the reign. “Ya been in an' out 'o consciousness for the pas' two days.”

“What?!” This time she didn't stop herself from moving. She was slow and careful about it, at least. 

Her father sighed. “Sasha, we don' know how badly ya hurt yerself. A second Titan came at us and you took that one on too.”

Sasha's eyes widened. She became aware of the bandages around her head. The girl was careful to lean back against her father, trying to process the situation. 

Her stomach growled.

The man chuckled. “We're almost there. But yes...a second Titan came at us 'n you blinded it, givin' us a chance to escape. You hurt yerself, though.” He tapped her right arm.

Sasha looked down, noticing the sling it was in. Must've been quite the tumble.

“Didn' break it. Didn' hear a crack. Prolly sprained it.”

“'N you didn' think ta feed me in that time?” Sasha grumbled.

Another chuckle. “Didn' accept it—I swear ya aged ten years after fallin' off that horse. Said we had ta focus on gettin' to the evacuation point. Part 'o why we didn' lose anybody."

Sasha groaned and shut her eyes. Her abdomen was starting to cramp, and it wasn't from hunger. That wasn't right...

Before her father could say anything more, there was the familiar hiss of gas.

Two people landed.

"This is not where you take the injured," a man said.

Her father pulled the reigns. "This is one 'o yer own! Sasha Braus of the 104th Training Squad!" He snarled. "An' even if she wasn't, ya do best to take her. Stopped two Titans with no gear." 

"What?!" Both were probably gawking.

Sasha cracked open her eyes. For a second she thought she was looking at Jean and Mikasa. But their height and voices were all kinds of wrong for that.

Her father nodded. "Aye. Now get her to an infirmary! I have a village to check on." 

The woman began to run, calling out for a stretcher. The man motioned forward. "Follow me," he said.

He snapped the reigns again, the horse resuming its trot.

Sasha wasn't sure how long it took them, her discomfort worsening and ability to stay focused declining.

"We have a severely dehydrated and possibly concussed Scout," the man was calling out.

And then she was being lifted off the horse.

"Sasha," her father's voice growing distant, "I hope to see ya again soon, but in uniform!" He squeezed her hand. She felt small. "Take care..."

His voice trailed off, mixing with the other two who were barking out orders and demanding a nurse.

-+-+-+-

Jean's knuckles were white. He was growing nervous again. What was he going to say and how was he going to say it? Hey, Sasha, by the way, Reiner, Bertoldt and Annie are all treacherous assholes. Oh and Connie's got some burns and may or may not be able to move his left arm again. We're still a little unsure about that one.

He reached into his shirt and pulled out the necklace. The bone inside made a comforting clinking sound against the glass. He tugged, lengthening it to get a better look. Everything about it was composed of scraps and pieces he found after the burning of the corpses. Jean wasn't sure what possessed him to create this eyesore, but he did it. The bone was in a translucent blue vial (Marco's favorite color), sealed off with wax and metal he secretly--and poorly--melted around it.

Repairing one's own gear did give him access to useful stuff. He was pretty sure Armin was the only one who noticed his burnt fingertips.

He looked back up at Sasha. She looked rather peaceful.

Her stomach growled.

"Damn, won't even take a break when you're knocked out, huh?" Jean asked with a wry smile.

He sighed, the smile falling.

"What should I do?" Jean muttered, attention back on his necklace.

Maybe just get up and go. Sasha wasn't likely to wake up soon--the poor girl was severely dehydrated. Every ten minutes or so a nurse would come in and squeeze a little water into her mouth. It wasn't like she'd likely be alone when waking up.

But just one bed away was Connie.

Jean sighed again. He too looked peaceful with the morning light hitting him. It made his injuries look much less grotesque and threatening. His black eye looked more like an excessive shadow than a parting gift from Reiner.

Sasha moved.

Jean's attention was back on her. Was she about to wake?

No, just rolling over. She muttered something in her sleep and clutched her stomach. 

Who knew when she'd wake up? Well maybe he could get her breakfast? That'd be an excuse to slip away. And then he could claim something distracted him, hence his not-return. Yah, that would work. Maybe by then she'll have woken up and the nurse will have called for Erwin and everything'd be taken care of.

He heard the familiar, heavy steps of his Commander.

Jean was quick to shove the necklace back under his shirt.

The steps stopped a moment later. Even though there was no door, the man knocked on the door frame. "Is this a bad time?"

Jean jumped to his feet but Erwin held his hand up.

The boy was slow to sit back down. "No, it's not." He said.

Erwin entered. "Has she shown any signs of waking?"

Jean shook his head and stopped, starting to look for another chair. 

"No need." Erwin said, knowing what he was doing.

Jean's attention was back on Sasha. "She's moved around a bit, so I think she's just sleeping. Pretty hungry by the looks of it." He looked up, his eyes on Connie. "He's moved a bit too."

Erwin's steps were smooth and fast. He was at Connie's side.

Jean craned his neck, trying to figure out why Erwin was just standing there.

The man about-faced and strode to Sasha's side. "His breathing isn't as labored as it was earlier."

Jean couldn't hide his surprise.

Erwin nodded, a tired smile forming. "I check on all of my Scouts after each mission. Though I'm not a doctor, it does look like Connie's on the right track for healing." He then looked down at Sasha. "She's recovering from the dehydration and is, on top of that, experiencing dysmenorrhea."

The boy's head snapped up. "Excuse me?"

"Crassly: a difficult and painful menstruation."

Jean's jaw fell--he could feel his eyes crinkling with disgust.

Erwin rose a brow at him. "You're a mature young man, are you not?"

"Y-yah..." Jean was still gawking at him.

The Commander smirked. "Trust me--you learn a lot from Hanji."

Jean found that mildly, though oddly, comforting. "I...I see, sir." He looked back at Sasha.

"So why are you here?" Erwin asked.

Jean blinked, the topic change sudden but welcome. He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hands. "Nobody else is here to tell her about what happened. Somebody has to." He shifted uncomfortably. "And if she's got...that stuff happening, that's not going to make it any better." Man this was getting weird fast. 

The Commander bowed his head. "I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable, Jean."

"It's...fine. Just wasn't expecting that. At all."

"You're a Scout, Jean. It's your job to expect the unexpected." Erwin was firm, but not chastising.

Jean sighed. "Sorry, sir."

"Nothing to apologize for. Just remember it for next time." The Commander grabbed a chair that had been left at Connie's bed. He sat down, facing Jean. "So you're here to keep Sasha company, is that it?"

He nodded.

"When did you get here?"

Jean shrugged. "A bit after the sun rose. Went to get some water and couldn't get back to sleep. That was a little after she got here, I think?" He stretched. "And I've been here for an hour or so maybe."

"Go and get breakfast. I'll be here in case she wakes up before you return."

Jean's focus was back on the Commander. "What about training, sir?"

"Considering our losses and how we're still trying to figure them out, getting organized is the priority here. All I ask is everyone at least do one hour of physical training today, at their discretion. Once we know who of what skill set is available, the more complex training can resume. Though the area seems safe and we have Scouts out, I'd like you in your gear." The man said.

"Ah. Right on it, Sir."

"And keeping up your strength is important." Erwin seemed amused.

Jean frowned. He felt like he got caught trying to escape. Maybe the Commander did know he wanted an excuse to leave, or maybe the man really did want him to get something to eat. How funny, Jean, thought. This is the same man who sent a hundred of his own to their death just a week ago and was now doting on a Scout of his to get breakfast.

As Jean got up, Connie groaned.

He ran over, knocking the chair down in the process.

"Jean?" The small Scout slurred.

"How're you feeling?" He heard Erwin calmly rise behind him.

Connie shook his head. "Horrible, man." He let out another groan. "Tell me all I did was hit my head after the whole Female Titan bullshit."

Jean's jaw tightened.

"Worth a shot," Connie muttered. He turned to get a better look at Jean--his eyes widened. "Commander!"

"How are you feeling, Connie?"

Seeing that the man they took their orders from was there, Connie gave a different response: "I could be better, sir."

"That tends to be the case after a mission," Erwin said with a nod.

Connie swallowed. It looked like he wanted to say more but wasn't with the Commander looming over him. Jean frowned. Well great. Now he was here with the awake Connie who probably wanted to start bawling. Not that he could blame him, considering all that happened.

"Hey...Commander, I don't remember that bed having somebody in it." He winced, trying to sit up for a look.

Erwin stepped aside.

Connie forced himself onto his elbow, eyes watering with pain. "She's alive!" But the smile fell fast. "Why is she here?!"

"Dehydration, mostly." The Commander replied. "A slight concussion as well. She temporarily disabled two different Titans while being MIA."

Connie stared at Sasha, the relief and shock obvious. He fell back onto his back, shaking. "H-how are we going to tell her about what happened?" He put a hand to his blackened right eye. "Damn it, why couldn't this have been a dream? Reiner, he really did..."

Jean put a hand on his bandaged wrist. "Connie."

He looked up.

"We can worry about how we'll tell her what happened when she wakes up." He looked over his shoulder. She rolled over again. "...Which'll probably be soon." Jean was back to Connie. "But right now, let's just be glad we haven't lost anyone else."

Connie clenched his teeth. He nodded. "Right. ...I wonder how Eren, Mikasa and Armin are doing."

Jean's stomach twisted. The three disappeared as soon as they returned. And that was yesterday evening. He hadn't seen Armin or Eren in the barracks. Though to be fair, after saving Eren and nearly getting chomped by a Titan...things were a bit of a blur.

"I'm pretty sure they're dealing with it in their own way," Jean said before stopping himself. He sighed. "...Maybe we'll see them at dinner tonight." Woops, no, Connie'd still be here. "I mean! I'm sure--"

Connie put his hand on Jean's. "I know what you mean." He looked exhausted. "You're right, though. I'm glad we haven't lost anybody else." The Scout stared at the ceiling. "If Sasha wakes up, I'll tell her."

"Are you sure?"

Connie nodded. "I'm just so glad that she made it." He let out a tired laugh. "And ask how she got those two Titans. Maybe she can show me when I'm better." His eyes were on Jean, trying to not fall on the heavily bandaged arm.

Jean just smiled. He patted Connie's hand. "May have to wait a bit. Pretty sure she'll devour a horse if we don't keep an eye on her."

He let out another laugh. It was ragged, but genuine. "Right..." he shut his eyes. Jean worried they weren't going to open, despite the rise and fall of his chest. Connie's eyes did open after a moment. "Yah, go. Though I kinda want something that'll keep me awake..."

"I have a book. I know you're an idiot, but you're at least literate."

Connie gave a weak nudge with his good arm. "Shut up." He then nodded. "Yah, sure." His gaze shifted to Erwin. "Can I ask what you're doing here, Commander?"

"I was going to temporarily relieve Jean of his watch over Sasha. If you're sure you can and want to tell her, though, I won't stop you."

The Scout tried to look serious. Instead he looked all the more beaten and weary. "Yes, sir! I can and will do that."

Erwin gave him a phantom of a smile. "Very well, Springer. Inform Braus of the situation and get better. That's an order."

"Sir!"

Jean stood up, careful to not push the chair into the Commander. "I'll be right back, Connie."

He left. So did Erwin.

Jean unconsciously fell into step with him. "Can I help you, sir?" He asked after a moment.

"No, but thank you. I'm actually off to get breakfast for Hanji." 

"Isn't it a bit...beneath you to fetch food?" Not that Jean wouldn't do the same for his friends if they were as bedridden as Connie was.

Erwin shook his head. "Perhaps in the other branches, but not here." He stopped in front of the mess hall. "And this is where I depart. Hopefully I'll see you running your laps later today?"

That wasn't something Jean wanted to do. "Yes, sir."

"Good then." Erwin turned, walking up the wooden steps to the mess hall.

Jean continued on after a moment, towards the men's barracks. Strange how it said 'men' while back in training camp it was 'boys.' Just one of the little things that stood out to Jean at the oddest of times. That seemed to be a pattern among the Scouts. Random memories at the most inopportune moments. He wondered, did Marco experience something similar as the Titan dug its teeth into him? Or did he spend his last moments, screaming and filled with terror? 

His stomach twisted itself into more knots. Maybe he'd just skip breakfast. It wasn't like the Commander had ordered him to eat...

"...remember how he almost spilled beer on this page?"

That was Armin talking.

Jean froze, his hand hovering over the doorknob, wondering where the voice came from.

"This one was always his favorite," Eren said. "He seemed to really like hearing about the waters full of salt."

The window was open. So that's where the three had moved to--back to the barracks.

Jean didn't want to interrupt. ...But he also wanted to see just how they were doing.

And he did say he'd get that book for Connie.

Jean opened the door, walking by them, acting as if they weren't there.

The three hushed up immediately. They were huddled around that old book of Armin's.

Jean walked over to his bunk and grabbed a book he figured Connie would like. It was one he himself enjoyed during their training days.

"...What're you doing in here?" Armin asked.

Had it been Eren, Jean had a wonderfully sarcastic response. But alas, it was Armin, and Jean realized he didn't quite have the energy to be a dick to Eren today. "I'm getting a book for Connie." 

"He's awake?" Eren shifted--possibly jumping up to go to head for the infirmary.

"Yah." Jean turned to look at them. 

Even Mikasa's eyes were red.

"...Sasha's there, too," he said after a moment. 

"Really!?" Armin looked like he was about to start crying again. 

He nodded. "Dehydrated but alive. ...By the way, Erwin wants us to all do at least an hour of physical training. With our gear, just in case." Jean was already heading for the door. They weren't giving him any unwelcome vibes, but it felt like he didn't belong. "Anyway," the young man shifted uncomfortably. "Just passing that along. You can visit them whenever you like. But I'm just here to pick up a book for Connie." He left before they could ask him any more questions.

Connie was, to Jean's relief, still awake.

"Here ya go," he said, holding out the book. "Any sign of her waking up?"

Connie tried to shake his head but stopped. "Ow, sorry, neck's stiff."

"Do you want me to readjust the pillows for you?"

Connie smirked. "Are you really Jean?"

He put his hands on his hips. "Well yes or no?"

Connie waved with the good hand. "I'm fine." He cringed, forcing a leg up. "And this is good for me." The Scout propped the book against his leg. "Nurse wants me to move and not sit still for too long." He didn't open the book. "Jean, I'm fine. You can go now. Don't worry. If anything happens now, the nurse'll hear the book fall."

How that was supposed to make him feel better, Jean wasn't sure. "All right. See ya later, Connie." He headed for the exit, taking a last look at Sasha before leaving. She had moved a bit more but was still out like a light.

Now what was there to do? Jean looked around. Half the Scouts had been sent out to roam the area for Titans. There were still who knew how many out, even after the number that had been slain fetching Eren.

Jean shortened his necklace and rolled up his sleeves. He may as well get that physical training done with. Then maybe check on Connie and Sasha again or something sappy like that. Jean didn't know. The morning was cool and the sun starting to hide behind clouds again. That was all he knew. Everything else felt like it was the first day of the Scouting Legion again. They were standing on the edge of something big and unknown.

Unlike that day, though, it seemed like even Erwin was at a loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS  
> Criticisms are always welcome! :)


	2. cluster a : pre-one

Despite the candles, the room was cold. And it wasn't helping his leg. Regardless, Levi was on his feet, small frame supported by the cane and glaring. His was a glare that could make even the toughest of the underground melt. But the Commander wasn't a crime boss--if anything, he was more like a failed paragon of goodness and Humanity.

"What is it now?" Erwin growled, folding his blanket and setting it back on the couch.

"Haven't decided yet," Levi replied.

The Commander muttered something.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"Nothing of importance," Erwin replied.

Levi narrowed his eyes. "Callin' bullshit."

"You've been doing that a lot lately. Careful, the term will lose its meaning." Erwin didn't look up as he bent over to pick up a sock.

"Been a lot to call out lately."

He didn't toss the sock down. "What are you asking for, Levi?" Erwin demanded. 

Levi chose not to reply. He just stared at the man. It was a wonder and impressive thing that the Commander was still calm. His frame was rigid, though--an indicator he was losing his patience.

Erwin's mouth twisted into a snarl. "Am I supposed to ask for you forgiveness? Is that what you want me to do?"

The corporal shrugged. "Actually I just want you to finish picking up your laundry. That's all."

Erwin snatched up the blanket again.

"That's not laundry, Erwin."

"No, it isn't. I'm ordering in a cot. You and Hanji can share rooms. Considering her condition, a couch is out of the question." He grabbed the pillow too. "I'll share one with Mike."

The cane almost slipped from Levi's fingers. "What?"

"You heard me." Erwin shoved everything under one arm. "Just like I said last night--nobody's to be left alone now. It's clear you don't want me in here any more, so I'm taking care of that. You and Hanji share a room, Mike and I another one."

...That wasn't what Levi wanted. He didn't know what specifically he wanted, but what Erwin was doing wasn't it. He opened his mouth to snark something, to tell Erwin he was being a dumb ass but stopped himself.

"I'm waiting, corporal," Erwin's voice as cold as the room.

_Knockknockknock!_

"Commander!" It was Hanji's assistant, Moblit.

Erwin suppressed a growl. "What is it? This better be important."

"Sir, it is! Scout Braus was just brought back by her father! Alive!"

The Commander dropped what he held. "Is she in the infirmary?"

"Yes, si--"

"I'll be right over. Thank you, Moblit."

"Sir!" His footsteps were fast and soon gone.

Erwin looked at his socks and blanket. He knelt down to pick it but Levi's cane shot out, smacking the pillow. The Commander glared. "What are you trying to pull?"

The corporal nodded at the door. "Deal with the brat. She's more important than you trying to slip out of here. Besides, maybe she saw Mike."

Erwin simply rose. He left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Levi looked back at the blanket and pillow. He sneered and kicked the items with his bad leg. Pain, but he felt better. 

The room was cold and lonely now.

He didn't even ask Erwin to move to the couch after the mission with in the Giant Forest. They returned and the man simply set up camp himself. He hadn't moved since and Levi hadn't asked.

Levi sat down on his bed. It was time to get his shoes on and go see how Pastor Nick was doing.


	3. (post-a) : cluster b | concurrent to one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depending on how things pan out, clusters may get posted within one or two days of each other :)

Hanji stared at the blurry ceiling. Because it was autumn, the day was ending sooner. She had a love-hate for the season. The love that came with it was the smell of leaves and reading by candlelight. The hate was the less time the Titans were active, which made the window of research time much shorter.

She closed her eyes and sighed. It'd be nice to have her glasses on, but all she was doing was sitting in bed. Not even reading. Perhaps she could ask Moblit to bring her Ilse's notebook and her own notebook for a reread.

There was a knock on the door frame. 

Despite the pain, the woman managed to get herself to sit up. Good thing Moblit wasn't here--he'd have thrown a fit over that. "Enter," she chirped. If she had her glasses on, she'd be able to see who it was.

But she recognized the footsteps.

"Ah, Commander! Have you come to rescue me from this dreary place and carry me off to my office?"

He chuckled. "No." Erwin set the tray down on the little table. He pushed it towards her. "But I did bring you your favorites."

She squinted and sniffed. Hot rolls, spiced tea and softened apple slices. They had something on them. Her eyes widened. "Is that honey?"

"I thought you could use something nice considering how you've been torn from your research for the past ten hours." 

Hanji laughed. "You're too kind, Erwin." She grabbed the fork. "Please tell me you've eaten--I might feel guilty if you hadn't."

He held up his hand and shook his head. "I have, but thank you. And I won't be staying to chat, unfortunately. I need to check on the other Scouts."

She nodded, already starting on one of the rolls. "You mentioned one of the new ones was MIA?"

"Sasha. No longer MIA--her father brought her back."

Hanji was relieved. "Something good to hear."

Erwin replied with a heavy sigh.

"Will you and Levi be so kind to bring me out of here when you have a meeting?" She waved her hand. "It's so dreadful in here. Mike could lighten up the mood in here. ...Not that you don't of course, Commander."

Erwin bowed his head. "No offense taken. I haven't seen him, but you know how he is. We can only hope the man is probably taking his time killing Titans on his way back."

"Or he's splayed out on his bed snoring. One foot dangling over the edge, his leg hanging off on the side." Hanji finished off the first roll.

The Commander rose a brow. "That was oddly specific, Hanji."

She giggled into her mug. The woman made the shoo-shoo motions. "You said you had your Scouts to check on."

"I'll be back later. We have a lot to go over." He reached into his scouting jacket. "By the way," Erwin pulled out a little notebook and pen. "Considering the chaos, I imagine nobody thought to bring you one?"

Hanji put down the mug. "Commander! Are you sure you're not trying to win me over for something?" She grabbed it. "Oh, you even got me a pen that won't hit me in the face with how close it's going to be!"

Erwin turned. "Enjoy your breakfast, Hanji."

"Oh, I will now!" Hanji was already losing interest in it. Her hand raced across the pages, barely keeping up with her brain. She didn't hear Erwin leave. They were going to need to test out Eren's hardening ability and all the possible scenarios, such as how to get him out. She wondered if Pastor Nick could at least tell them if explosives would work against the material. Probably not.

And they had failed to get back Historia.

Hanji huffed. What a selfish prick, keeping that information to himself. 

If only Mike was awake. He'd be here, smirking at her while she complained. But he wasn't, so her irritation was confined to the notebook. 

She reached for her tea, hating it when it grew cold. Fortunately it was still warm.

Hanji began on the apples. Where was that lovable oaf, anyway? Stragglers were a rare thing on missions. If they didn't return to the Wall, they were gone. But this had been an unusual case, so there was hope. No sign of a breach, which meant there was a limited number of Titans. It would make sense that Mike would stay behind to lop off as many as he could and refuel at a fort to go right back into the fray.

Show off. If that Colossal hadn't burnt her, she could be out there, observing these strange ones. Perhaps they were diggers. How she'd have loved to have gotten her hands on such things...

Well she could scold Mike about killing them all when he got back. Hanji was pretty sure she still had that berry-scented ointment he had given her. Just thinking about it gave her a mischievous grin. She had figured out how to dilute it just enough so only he could smell it. Wouldn't that be a fun way to mess with him? Just put that on and walk by his door. Or greet him with it when he came back.

Hanji returned to her notes, finding herself not all that hungry.


	4. cluster c |: post-4

Sasha poked her head in and knocked. "Connie, are you awake?"

He looked up from the book Jean had lent him. The poor boy had to have been bored--he was already halfway through.

"Never thought of you as the reading type," Sasha commented, slipping in.

Connie shrugged. Any other situation and Sasha would have thought the candle light was exaggerating his weariness and exhaustion. He shut the book and set it aside. "...Sasha, what're you hiding behind your back."

She grinned and pulled out the first thing--a cookie. "I swiped one for you. You can eat solid food, so I thought you'd like one."

He managed a small smile. "Oh, thanks." 

Sasha slipped it into his good hand. "You are quite welcome!"

Connie tried to get a better look at the other thing, but there wasn't enough light and it hurt too much to try.

She revealed the notebook. "Did the Commander already come in and tell you what these were for?"

He nodded, biting into the cookie. It snapped in half. He held one half out to Sasha.

She reached but stopped herself. "No," Sasha shook her head. "It's for you. But thank you, Connie."

The boy stared. "...Sasha, now is not the time to act out of character. Considering what just--"

"I have a headache. Raisins make them worse." 

He gave her a dubious look. "You've eaten those things every day of the month." 

She grumbled and looked away. "Does everybody know?"

"No. I just know you get headaches. And you eat raisins, even if they do make them worse." He sighed. "...I don't want any more lies, all right?"

Sasha's shoulders sagged. "It's possible for me to not want to eat all the time," she muttered. But then she was back to looking at him, smiling. An embarrassed look, but a smile nonetheless. "I...just thought you could use one. It's yours."

Connie felt his cheeks heat up."O-oh. Thanks." He finished the cookie.

Awkward silence.

"So, um, yah, the Commander told me the purpose of these. He said he'd have somebody come in to write it all down for me until I could move better." Connie looked at her. "Did he ask you or did you volunteer?"

"Volunteered," she said cheerfully. "But you'll have to mark it as your own."

"Have you already done that to yours?" Connie blurted out.

She went red. How could she forget? "Oh--uh, woops, no--"

"Can I see it?" Connie held out his good hand.

Sasha blinked. "What?"

"I won't read, honest, but I think we should do that so if somebody steals it, they'll mistake whose journal belongs to who." The words tumbled out.

"Oh, this is like confusing scents for prey!" Sasha's eyes shined. "Yes!" She pulled out her little pocket book and handed it to Connie.

He snatched it up and clumsily opened it. 

Sasha looked down at his, trying to figure out what to do. How could somebody make it look unique and difficult to copy?

She pushed the cover back. There was a little slit in it for them to hide a vital paper. It could be used, Sasha thought, running her fingers across the paper. And this was nice paper; high-quality stuff. Obviously something meant to last through the ages. Sasha glanced up--Connie was scribbling, so he wasn't looking. The girl shrugged. They were told to get creative with this...

So she licked the first page.

Ugh, paper tasted gross.

But it definitely left a mark--that paper would forever be warped once it dried.

"You will want to add to it," Sasha said, holding up the notebook, still popped open. "I can do weird things as I record what you say too, if you want. Connie?"

"Hang on." He said, not looking up, still writing. 

She tried to see what he was doing, but Connie was angled all wrong for her to see.

It took some time, but he was able to slip the paper into that little slit of the cover without tearing it out. The second page was now the first; though it rose higher than it should have had it been the first page.

Connie shut it and handed it back, cheeks bright red. "Whatever you do, don't read that!"

"Huh?" Sasha stared. "But...this is my journal."

"I don't care! You're not allowed to look at that unless something happens to me, got it?"

Her eyes widened. "But...why?" She asked.

"Because I said so, okay?" Connie then gave the fakest yawn in history. "Sasha, I'm getting tired--can we not argue about this?"

Sasha gave him a skeptical look. "...If the Commander is suddenly at my door for foul language everywhere in this, I'm pointing him at you, Connie."

"It's not tha--what? Hello, Corporal Levi, Sasha? ...I mean...yah, go ahead. C-can we just get started on this? The sooner I sleep, the sooner you can show me how you did what you did with those two Titans."

Right. Serious time again. She sat up straight, ready to hear what Connie had to say.

"I wanna start with my village."

"Okay." Sasha held up the notebook, pen poised and ready.

Connie took a deep breath. "There was somethi--"

An angry howl tore through the air.

Sasha jumped and rushed to the window. She wrenched it open in time for another one, this one much clearer. "...That sounds like Jean!"


	5. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...AO3 says this is Chapter 5 but as far as the outline and structure are concerned, this is indeed Chapter 2. The structure will be Chapter X-cluster a, b, c-Chapter X, Chapter X - cluster a, b, c, etc.
> 
> So...YUP LONG STORY 8D ...at least the clusters are only a page or two each...
> 
> (Thanks to all who have stuck around/made it thus far!)

He had set his cloak aside and rolled his sleeves up. The man was Human and his body still needed maintenance. But he was also the Commander and rain or shine, mourning or not, he was going to do twice the amount he asked of his Scouts.

Erwin wiped his brow. This had to have been his fifth lap. After this one he would check his time, drink water and go right back to it. Strangely enough, there was plenty of time--just for all the wrong reasons. They were still waiting on Mike to return, Hanji's bandages needed to be changed and Levi was probably giving Pastor Nick one helluva time. 

So all that Erwin could do really was think and plan. And that was for the best, as they had quite the situation.

His Scouts were loyal. Every single one of them swore an oath of silence about Eren's current whereabouts. As far as the Crown and Military Police were concerned, some of his Scouts were scouring the area for signs of the boy. The chaos if it all and the panic of the undisciplined MP made that stunt disturbingly easy. They had two days to figure out how to fake recovering Eren prepare for their trial of...who knew what.

"Wow, look at him go!" A Scout said to his friend. 

Erwin glanced at them--the two were from the 104th training corps.

"How many do you think he's done?" The other asked. 

The man went back to staring ahead. They were looking at him with adoration and amazement--not disgust. 

His stomach twisted. 

He wondered how many of their friends he killed. They were indeed his Scouts, and he was their Commander. It didn't do well for the subordinates to hate their leader. There were days where Erwin was awed with himself--and not in the pat-your-back awe. It was the type that made him grateful nobody had stabbed him the back. A leader had to be confident in his abilities, but not self-absorbed. Erwin was definitely confident. 

And Erwin was definitely surprised. But it was a loyalty he would trade nothing for. Though now that twisting sensation soon became a sinking one. His Scouts had a love for him that only a Commander could ask for, and it was one the Military Police certainly didn't hold for him.

To his relief, the sixth lap was already finished. Erwin reached for his pocket watch. Damn it. This had been a gift from Dawk years ago. Another thing he was going to have to distance himself from after what he did to the man's forces. 

So. 

Three miles in seventeen minutes. Because such young and hopeful eyes were on him, Erwin didn't scowl. He just kept an impassive expression and put the scratched thing back in his pocket. Maybe it was time for a shower. Those push-ups had been a horrible idea for his neck, but damn it he had an image to keep up. The rest of the laps could wait.

He scooped up his cloak. The two Scouts were still there, though they weren't ogling him any more at least.

"Have you two done your physical training already?" Erwin asked, making his voice sound light and friendly. He was curious, but his patience thin at the moment.

Both snapped at attention. "Not yet, sir," they said in unison, blushing. How they managed to retain such innocence after these horrors was a mystery. Though their eyes shined, they were weighed down by bags emptied of sleep.

He studied their faces. Mick and Seana. The two were inseparable. The man wondered if they had a plan if one died and the other did not. Briefly, the Erwin considered ordering they train separately, just to see how they would take that. Except they had seen enough to last them many lifetimes and any small joy they could find wasn't one he'd take away.

"I suggest you two get to it soon. There won't be much time after dinner." Erwin tossed his cloak over his shoulder. "Only the experienced Scouts are to be out after nightfall right now."

Their eyes widened. Seana looked to her friend. "Betcha can't beat me, Mick!" She ran onto the track, her gear clattering.

"Woman, I betcha I can run instep with you!" Mick yelled, running right after her.

"You're on, boy!" Seana laughed, skipping ahead just to throw him off.

Erwin felt the corners of his mouth twitch. Maybe they'd be lucky to live long enough to become disillusioned and lose that cheer.

No. The Commander hoped they lived long enough to break this vicious cycle of going out and dying. They could take their cheer past the Wall of Rose and maybe even past Maria.

He turned and headed back to his room, their laughter sprinkled with insults directed at one another.

Erwin wiped his brow again. It was late morning now.

As he crossed the grass, the man took himself by the barracks. Armin was just emerging from them.

"Armin," Erwin called out.

The boy still had the habit of looking like a trapped deer. "Commander!" He saluted.

Erwin gave him a quick salute in return. "Have you three done your training?"

Armin's eyes twitched to widen--he stopped himself from looking away. "No. Not yet, sir."

"Good. I had specific orders for you pertaining to that."

"Really?"

He nodded. "If you three would be willing to do the indoor training, that would be best. I'm sure I don't need to remind you that he needs to be kept out of sight to the best of our abilities right now?"

Armin nodded rapidly. "Of course!"

He then held out his hand. "What you said to Bertholdt was clever. I'm sorry you had to do that to your fellow squad mate." And he was also sorry that the boy had to watch his Commander slice said squad mate.

Armin stared at the hand before realizing what he had just been told. "Th-thank you, Commander." His cheeks were starting to pick up a red tinge.

"Are the other two in there? I want to thank all three of you for carrying on, despite the losses."

Their friend nodded. "Yes, but they're napping, I think. E--he's exhausted all his rage for now, I think and Mikasa's not leaving his side any time soon." He looked away. "I...just wanted to get some water. There's a lot to go over, so I don't feel that tired. But I really don't want to leave them for too long."

"I'll walk with you to the kitchen, then."

His eyes widened. "Sir, really, it's fine if you want to talk to me. I can--"

Erwin held up his hand. "Nonsense. The next thing I wanted to discuss was for you specifically." He gestured. "So lead the way."

"Me, sir?" Armin began to walk.

He gave a nod. "Yes. You've aided us in planning before and I want you to do it again."

"Really?" Armin glanced around. "I-I see." Something in his eyes changed--they hardened. He was thinking. "Do you want me to come by your office later, or will you drop by here?"

"I'll drop by later with the time, how's that?"

"Whatever you want, sir!" Armin was getting flustered. 

He did that a bit too often, Erwin noted. Apparently he had been far less confident six months ago. "Very well. I will see you later, Armin." Erwin paused as he turned. "By the way, was that you who rallied everyone to charge after Eren?" In all the chaos, Erwin realized he never did find out just who got everybody in their group to move.

Armin rapidly shook his head. "No! That was Jean. He's the one who snapped us all out of our shock."

"I see. Thank you." He completed his turn and left Armin at the doorstep of the kitchen. It wouldn't have been a surprise if Jean had--the boy had shown time and time again how good he was with words. But sometimes eloquence wasn't a requirement to get people moving as both Jean and Levi had demonstrated.

The rest of his way to the officer's barracks was uneventful. Jean was likely doing the training as asked or, perhaps had gone to check on Sasha and Connie again. He still wanted to congratulate Sasha for her accomplishments. Those who survived had each done something he wanted to personally thank them for. 

And then for all who died, Erwin knew he'd never have the time to properly apologize to.

He entered his room and set his cloak down on his bed.

Levi was muttering.

Erwin looked up--the door between their two rooms was ajar. Funny, the Commander could have sworn he shut it this morning. But there was something a bit more pressing than his fury with Levi.

"What happened to harassing the Pastor?" Erwin called out.

"He fucking threw up on me." Levi spat. "Can you believe that prick? Show him all the bullshit people went through, ask if he's changed his mind and what did he do? Fucking barf on me!" There was the sound of fabric violently getting thrown against the floorboards.

Erwin wasn't going to lie--he rather the stubborn asshole be on the receiving end of Levi's fury than himself.

"Did anything useful come out with it, though?"

"Yah--he's trying to starve himself." There was the scraping of his cane. He was dragging himself to a spare change of clothes.

Wonderful. Erwin undid his torso straps and set them up on the chair. He strode over to the door and shut it. He wanted to process the information while he could before Levi could start peppering him with insults. 

More dull scraping. The man really didn't know how to walk with a cane for purpose over fashion, did he?

Erwin's door popped open. 

Levi dragged himself back to his dresser.

So Erwin shut the door again.

He heard Levi swear and kick something. The man opened the door with force this time. After a few seconds, Erwin leaned against it.

Levi found he couldn't open it again. "Hey, asshole!" He banged on it. "What if I wanted to keep talking to you, huh?"

Erwin began to unbutton his shirt. "You're doing a fine job right now." Perhaps if Hanji was in his shoes, she'd be laughing. Instead, the Commander wanted to sleep in a bed. As for whose bed, he didn't want to admit the one of choice. 

"I'm taking a shower, Levi. Do you think you can make yourself presentable and save your five favorite insults for later?"

The little corporal stopped. "If presentable is relative and in comparison to you, the yes, any day."

"I said save the insults for later."

Levi's labored footsteps were his tacit agreement.

The Commander could have sunk to the floor in relief. Maybe he'd get ten minutes of peace and quiet. He pushed himself off from the door and set the jacket down. His shirt was light as a feather as it crumpled to the floor. The boots and the rest of his clothing led the trail to his private washroom. 

Levi could be such a brat. Some days Erwin found it endearing, other days he was indifferent and some it just pissed him off.

It went without saying today was the third option. Possibly a secret forth one where it actually stung. 

He turned the tap on. By nature, Scouts were strange. What most considered the model of a proper, healthy relationship was a laughable fantasy here. Angry with one another? Go out and practice hand-to-hand combat. Or race one another with the 3DMG and shout your problems out at each another. Really close-nit friends who refused to leave one-another alone? Erwin didn't mind if they shared the bed, so long as it didn't leave them sore and stiff the next day. But there was a limit to how twisted and abnormal such could go. He and Levi seemed to teeter back and forth on that line. 

The water was lukewarm. For once, Erwin didn't care. He was just grateful to be able to stand on his two feet. His right arm was stiff and giving him more pain that he'd expect it to. Maybe he should just order in the cot anyway. ...No. Erwin volunteered himself to sleep on the couch and he wasn't going to sleep on anything else until Levi gave the say-so. 

But sharing a room with him was becoming too much. Maybe for the corporal too. Perhaps it'd be best if the two had a break from each other. 

His right arm twinged.

Great. Which would it be? The emotional and mental turmoil of feeling Levi glare into him every night, or the physical pain of being away from one another? That in of itself was a bad sign. Damn. Maybe a break really was a good idea.

Erwin massaged the throbbing arm. His triceps were being quite bothersome today. He craned his neck, moving onto that. It really did seem like the best option at this point. If there was another Titan attack, Erwin was sure that he'd pay the price dearly at this point. But then again, couch in Levi's room or in Mike's, it was a couch.

At least he'd just have to deal with Mike's obnoxious snoring.

Hell, then maybe Levi'd say Erwin could sleep in a bed.

He turned the water off and wrapped the towel around his waist.

Why Erwin was surprised to see Levi leering at him, he didn't know. A quick sweep of the room showed that not only had Levi neatly folded the dirty clothes, he had pulled out a fresh set as well.

"Can I help you?" Erwin asked, turning away.

Levi shrugged. "I dunno. Can you?" He was wearing what looked like the exact same thing from earlier, except the shirt was green. "Cuz there's something stuck between your ears. I keep telling you that. As for what it is, it clearly isn't your br--"

"Levi, I was joking about the five favorite insults."

The corporal snapped his head to the right, as if the statement physically hurt him.

Erwin sighed. Like what Levi was doing wasn't having that affect on him. No point. Just move on. "So the Rotten Man of God is trying to starve himself instead of breaking his oath."

Levi was back to looking at him. "Yup." 

He finished drying himself off and tossed the towel. There was something akin to twisted satisfaction as Erwin watched Levi's eyes follow its arc to the floor. He swore the man's arm twitched, ready to pick it up. "There are some things we need to work out."

"Oh?" Levi's eyes shot back up to Erwin.

Erwin got started on getting dressed. "Yes. Such as getting ready to move to head quarters where Hanji can properly rest up, surrounded by her research."

"Does that mean busting that Bitch Type out of her crystal of cowardass?"

"Cowardice," Erwin corrected. "And possibly. But I think it's more of a frame of reference. If we want Eren to try and seal up that hole, it'd help to have a comparison to see if it's the same material. Also it would be best to study Eren on our grounds and terms, not theirs."

Levi grunted. "Makes sense."

What was that? Was Levi acting professional now? No, not quite; his eyes weren't on the Commander's face. It was more than what Erwin could have asked for at this point, he admitted to himself. And if he was being truly honest with himself, such an unrefined sign of attraction was making him happy.

"You look like you have more to say, Commander."

Erwin slipped his arms through the sleeves. "I do. Starting tonight, I will begin the process of choosing who will replace me."

Levi pushed himself off the wall and slammed his cane onto the ground. "What?"

"We're lying to the Crown about Eren, we've essentially kidnapped a member of the Wall Cult and I just reduced their police "force" to such an amount I ought to be hanged." He started to button up the shirt. "Tell me, do you think they'll want my head on a silver platter or perhaps a gold one?" Erwin craned his neck and thoughtfully made a line where he'd be decapitated. "I personally believe they'd rather not risk staining such fine things with my blood."

Levi smacked his cane on the door frame. "That's not funny, bastard."

Erwin shrugged, fastening the bolo tie. "It's the truth. I don't know when they'll decide to be rid of me, but we best play it safe."

The corporal gritted his teeth. "So who's the unlucky asshat?"

"Armin or Jean." Erwin slipped on the jacket. 

Levi stared. "Are you sure they're not going to do you in for losing your fucking mind?"

"I have my reasons. Show's over. You can go back to your room."

He turned, his jacket spinning like a cape. "I got you a cleaner blanket. It's gross to sleep in the same one for more than a week if you can help it." Levi awkwardly stomped back to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Guess that was his way of saying come back.

But Erwin had other things to do before giving into his needy self. 

He reached for his cloak, staring at his bed. It had been a while since he last slept in it. The only signs of attention it showed were where he sat on it. He took his usual place and looked to the shelved headboard. On it was a large jar and then a much smaller one; both had cork tops. Next to the large jar was an old journal--his sister had given it to him when he first joined the Scouts. They hadn't been the closest, but she spent good money on it. All she asked was that he promise it to her if he died on the field. It was a thick thing. Either she was optimistic or wanted to prove a point at how short the life of a Scout could be.

But she wasn't likely to get that book any more. Her husband took her behind Sina and wasn't a fan of Erwin; the man made sure they stopped speaking. Perhaps if Erwin had nothing left to lose he'd pay the bastard a visit and give him a kiss with his fist. 

He couldn't see that happening. Even if the two hadn't been separated, the journal would probably be seen as useless to her. Erwin picked it up and popped it open. The first half of the book was missing some of its pages. Each physical page, on its left side, had his neat hand writing, which gradually got smaller and smaller the further into the book he got. Each line was a name. And each time the name was put down in the book, it had been put down twice. The right half of the page, when it was full, would be carefully torn out and then each name carefully separated from the others.

The big jar was three-fourths of the way full. The names closer to the bottom were in black ink. The ones closer to the top--which made up for maybe a fifth of the pile--in red. Once he was Commander, every death had been at his hand.

He looked at the smaller jar. It had four names in it, each one with their own color but underlined in red. That jar had been knocked over and quickly righted, as evidenced by the dustless steaks and circle it was sitting next to.

Erwin rested his head on the worn cover of the journal. Damn it.

He sighed and sat up. Time to get things going.

"Levi," Erwin opened the door.

The corporal scrambled off the couch. It was a spectacular failure. Erwin moved to help but the man was already correcting himself. After a moment, he lowered the cane, adrenaline fading and senses returning.

"What?" He straightened up as if nothing happened.

"I'm going to schedule a meeting between you, myself, Hanji and Mike if he gets back. It will be in one hour and in Hanji's room."

Levi looked at Erwin, then his cane with its four notches and then at the journal in Erwin's hands. "...We keep talking about Mike. It feels...weird." His tone wasn't harsh. 

Erwin's stomach twisted. "Whether or not he shows up, we hold the meeting."

"I know," Levi said, eyes still on the notebook. "I just thought you'd like to hear a thought that doesn't involve me insulting you or being an ass."

The Commander wished it had been a different statement if it had to be something on that level of Levi-kindness.

He shoved the journal into his jacket. "If your leg keeps you, we'll wait." The man went back to his room and shut the door behind him. It was going to be a tall stack of papers tonight. Erwin's thoughts were heavy. He grabbed his red pen and put that in his jacket pocket as well, entering the hallway.


	6. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Creds to the Feelsripper for referring to Armin, Mikas and Eren being "the golden trio." It has rubbed off on me. 
> 
> PS - I still haven't learned that you don't edit when sick 8D

Jean's displeasure was etched on his face. But he tugged the hood further down anyway. One of Erwin's stranger orders--all Scouts were to wear their hoods up at night now that it was getting colder. Except no. It was just an attempt to make it a little harder to find Eren. What, the man couldn't be bothered to keep him in the barracks? Well...maybe not. Titan or not, Eren did require using the bathroom. This place was a bunch of cabins, not a castle with a full-fledged dungeon. So really, there was no humane way to keep Eren properly hidden. It still felt like a childish order, despite that it was probably going to work. How many people actually got a good look at Eren's face? And even then, who would put it past the bloodthirsty crowd to remember him incorrectly. He wouldn't be surprised if the papers in Sina advertised Eren as some freak with gnashing teeth, glowing eyes and other monstrous features.

...Well they wouldn't be too far off, really.

The Scout entered the hall, grateful for the smell of warm food.

And then he saw just how much bigger it seemed.

Jean's shoulders sagged. He yanked the hood back and took his spot in line. No sign of the golden three yet. Normally he'd even let a few people jump ahead if that meant a moment to talk to Reiner. Or if Reiner wasn't there, he and Connie would squabble.

But neither of them were present.

"Jean, may I join you?"

He spun around. "Sasha!" Something possessed him to hug her. Praise whatever powers may be, Jean did not do such an embarrassing thing. "How're you feeling?" He asked instead, holding onto his necklace.

She gave him a tired grin. "My arm still hurts a bit, but nothing broke or tore. Headache, too, but I should do just fine with dinner." 

Maybe it was the bleakness of the situation, but Jean felt unusually cheerful to just be standing here with Sasha. "Well...glad you're all right." He said. "How's Connie?"

The girl frowned. "Still bedridden. I offered to eat dinner with him, but he kicked me out."

"I would too." 

Woops. 

"Uh--Not because you're you! But, uh, guys, we don't--"

Sasha laughed. "I know why he kicked me out, Jean." She put a hand on her hip. "But that does not mean I'll be okay with it." She took two trays and handed one to Jean. "I didn't see you on the track. Did we do our training at different times?"

"I would hope so? Unless you somehow made yourself be at two places at once. Took care of mine after I gave Connie the book." He looked down at the food. It appeared to be some kind of leftover potato mash up--strands of carrot, onion and bacon bits gave the mush color. Wilted spinach somehow made the meal look sadder. The staling bread did not help.

The two took their seats opposite one another at a circular table away from everyone else.

Sasha looked around, hope in her eyes weakening by the second.

"So it's true, then." An empty smile formed. "They really...did."

Jean poked the main course with his spoon. "Yah. They really did, Sasha."

"And will the, uh...remaining ones be joining us?" She began to eat, but the action seemed automatic. 

"No idea. Hannes died rushing to pick up Eren and Mikasa. The Titan snapped him in half and ate him." His stomach churned at the memory. It gave another twist when he realized how nonchalant he had said it. "Apparently he was very close to them. They...didn't need to see that." There was a lot from that moment nobody needed to witness. Jean may not have been that close to Bertholdt, but he was still a friend. ...Well, had been. But that didn't lessen the blow at all. Even if they weren't that close and Reiner's turning was more painful, Bertholdt had still been on their team. Though he was more like that watchful shadow. But it made sense upon reflection. He mostly stayed in the background, following Reiner and Annie to prevent himself from falling for them. Yet after Marco's death he helped Jean. It made no sense. Out of the three, it sounded like Bertholdt was the only one who had his eyes on whatever the hell their mission was. Trying to figure out the grays of a situation Jean wanted to see as black and white, Jean reached for his necklace again. 

Whether or not he died in all that confusion changed nothing in the end. The family was fractured.

It looked like Sasha wanted to say something, but she dropped her spoon with a clatter. "There you three are!" 

Jean turned to see Armin, Mikasa and Eren. They were standing unusually close, knuckles white from holding the trays so tight.

"Hey, Sasha...how're you doing?" Eren's tray was shaking. "I heard you took down two Titans?"

There was a dazed look to him. Jean's insides just wouldn't let up. The boy was already unhinged--it looked like he was on his last splinters. He watched as the three took their seats. They set their trays down but didn't start eating. 

"I'm doing well," Sasha answered, choosing to not stare at Eren's hands. "Connie informed me of what happened." She paused, spoon half way between her and the bowl. "...I still can't believe it."

Eren's hand began to shake again, this time from clutching the spoon too hard. 

Mikasa lightly put a hand on his arm. 

"Erwin said to stay out of sight for two days." Armin reminded him. "And by then we should have a plan for how to get Krista back." Like that'd stop Eren from charging like an idiot after them.

Eren's eyes flashed. "I don't care about Krista," the boy hissed. "She can die with the rest of them."

Jean jumped to his feet. "What?" He slammed his spoon down on the table. "How could you say that, Eren?" 

Eren did the same. Mikasa and Armin both grabbed him. "You weren't there! She's not on our side anymore, Jean! She said it herself--no matter what, she's on Ymir's side. And Ymir's not on our side."

The words were like bricks. Jean stared, processing that. But Krista was like a goddess--wonderful, whole and pure. How could she do something so cruel? ...No. Jean sat back down. She didn't make the choice out of malicious intent. He reached for his necklace, brain whirling away. She had made that decision out of loyalty. ...Loyalty to Ymir, but it was still one out of a type of love. 

"Eren, you should eat," Mikasa reminded.

"...I won't hurt her," Eren mumbled, head bowed, ignoring Mikasa. "But she's now on the same side as the ones who killed my mother and murdered Armin's grandfather." He looked back up. 

Jean maintained eye contact, despite how intense Eren's gaze was. "I'm glad to hear you won't hurt her." He said finally. "But we can't just go charging in like idiots, Eren--"

"Commander!" Sasha was on her feet.

Jean snapped to attention. Eren had the sense to do the same.

Erwin looked between the Jean and Eren. "Am I going to have to discipline you two?" He was holding a rather large mug full of something steaming. He was also wearing a satchel.

Both looked down. "No, sir," they said in unison.

Their Commander rose a brow. "...Very well, then. Is now a bad time for me to ask if i may join you?"

"Of course not, sir!" Armin kept his voice as level as possible. He stepped to the side, somehow getting even closer to Eren to make room for the man. How they maintained such little space without issue weirded Jean out. It was like the three had a singular bubble for themselves. And Eren never seemed to mind, no matter how pissy he was.

"Thank you." He looked at the others. "Any objections?"

"No, sir."

Erwin took a seat between Jean and Armin. "Please, sit."

Everyone obliged.

"Sir," Eren's anger was still in his eyes, but sedated. "If I may ask...why are you sitting with us?"

The Commander smiled. "There are some things I wish to discuss with my Scouts. Considering how chaotic things are, I rather not call for six different "all" personnel meetings."

"But, sir," Armin piped up. "Isn't it going to be a hassle to repeat the same thing over and over?"

Erwin shook his head. "Not particularly. When you have to deal with the Military Police, you learn to cope with repeating yourself over and over. Besides, it's part of my duty to check on every one of you. What better way to do that than to also relay certain messages I want made clear?" He took a sip from his mug. Jean stole a glance--it wasn't tea. "And the orders I have are simple and for you specifically." 

"Specific for us?" Eren stared.

Erwin set his dinner down and looked at each Scout. "First the basics--I don't want any of you to be alone from here on out. If you need to go somewhere--anywhere--you have somebody go with you."

Jean felt his lips pull back into a grimace. So if he wanted to take a piss at two in the morning, he had to wake up somebody for that? Yah, that would go over smoothly. Armin would certainly appreciate getting woken up in the middle of the night for that. Had Reiner been around, the man would probably stay awake all night, just to be sure everyone was okay. If they needed to be escorted somewhere, it'd be him who would do it. Except then they wouldn't even be in this situation. Or perhaps they would be and it would just be Bertholdt and Annie that were the traitors. ...If only.

"May I ask why?" Sasha chimed in.

"Of course." Erwin's attention was on her. "There are still Titans roaming around. We may leave first thing in the morning, but I wish to play it safe."

"Where are we heading?" Mikasa asked.

 

The Commander turned to her. "We're heading back to the old HQ. As far as they know, Eren is missing. We have two days to "recover' him."

Jean's eyes widened. They...as in the Military Police? "That's pretty gutsy, Commander," he said.

All eyes were on him--Erwin's included.

Shit.

"I won't argue that statement, Jean. Would you care to elaborate, though?"

His face went red. "W-well..." he swallowed. "The charge to save Eren resulted in a lot of the Military Police getting slaughtered." He internally winced. Way to rub it into the Commander about more loss of life. But if the man was upset, he did a great job at hiding it. As usual. "I don't think they're very happy with that." Jean felt as if he should have been promoted to Captain Obvious right then and there. "What if they find out or see him? You'll get into a lot of trouble for that and people are already upset with us." Jean's chest tightened, the jeers from the crowd still loud in his mind. He forced himself to take a bite of food.

"Rest assured, that has been taken into consideration." Erwin wrapped his callused right hand around the mug. "I want all of you to be ready to go when the sun rises." 

Jean frowned. Buddy system for just one night? He remembered what Armin had said out on the field about Erwin's intelligence and tactics. Something was fishy. The Commander was always steps ahead. Every order he gave had more than just the reason he stated. Jean shifted his feet, not liking where this was going. He glanced at Armin--his gaze had hardened. It was clear he thought the same, but was steps ahead of Jean.

The Commander took a sip before continuing. 

Jean caught the wince.

"In the mean time, I have a task for everyone here." He put the mug down again and reached for the satchel. "It would seem there's something special about your group." The Commander pulled out five little leather journals. He handed one to each of them. 

Jean examined the one he had been given. At first he had thought it was black, but as he tipped it this way and that, the Scout discovered it was in fact a very, very dark green. He looked up to see that the same was for everyone else's, but different colors. Mikasa's had a red tint, Armin's a brown, and Sasha's a blue. It was Eren's who actually had the truly black one.

"In the last forty-eight hours, you have all witnessed very strange things. On top of the official reports, I want you to record what happened in these." Erwin's eyes went from Scout to Scout as he spoke. "But in these, feel free to drop the formalities. Starting now, I want you to record anything that stands out to you--even the most mundane of things." His gaze paused on the main trio. "After you record the last forty-eight hours, I want you to start with what made you choose to enter training and eventually the Scouting legion."

Was this some way of smoking out another possible rat? It was a weird thing the man was asking for. ...Then again, this was the same man who wanted them to die at his command. While they were at it, they may as well spill their metaphorical guts for him too.

"Along with all of this, mark your journals." Erwin continued. "Do something to them that would make copying them very difficult."

"What's the point? It sounds like busy work." The words flew from Jean's mouth.

He expected the Commander to raise his voice, for his eyes to flash. Something to indicate that he was being insufferable. Instead: "Just because Hanji and I are high-ranking officials, it doesn't mean we're immune to the redundancy and monotonousness of reports. I'm not asking for you to write down your private dreams, but we'd like a different tone on how these events unfolded."

Hot damn. Did this guy have to be full of never-ending patience too? He had to have limits...

"If this is to catch an assassination attempt, nobody's going to be dumb enough to write their plans down in these."

Even then nothing in the Commander's face to imply irritation. "This wouldn't be my method of choice for tracking down such people. But thank you for your concern about my well being, Jean."

The Scout's face was burning. "...Sorry for speaking freely without permission, sir." He mumbled, not knowing what else to say. Shame began to gnaw at him. The Commander was under enough pressure. Trying to goad some kind of reaction out of him was just immature and stupid. Yet Jean felt like he was being reminded that, yes, Erwin was Human and he was stuck taking care of a bunch of scared kids.

Erwin rose a brow. "Apology unnecessary but accepted." His focus was back to everyone again. "If it won't be too much difficulty, I would also appreciate it if you did not leave here until you've gotten at least a page in."

Sasha raised her hand.

"Yes, Sasha?"

"Have you already spoken to Connie about this?"

"No, not yet. I was going to let him and the rest in the infirmary finish their meals before speaking with them." Erwin answered. "Though somebody will be needed to record for him until he's well enough to write without issue."

"I'll do it!" Sasha squared her shoulders.

The Commander smiled. "Very well, then." He pulled out another little journal. That one also had a blue tinge to it. Erwin handed it to Sasha and then stood up. "By the way--I don't think I can stress enough how vital it is that you do not lose these." He picked up his mug and looked at each of them. "Thank you for your time. I will see you all at sunrise." He stood. "Any more questions?"

"How is Hanji, sir?" Armin clumsily asked. It sounded like he was trying to not make a demand.

"Better." Erwin said. "But she'll need to be in a cart on the way back." And with that, he walked off.

Jean watched him walk away and noticed how the man readjusted the strap of the satchel.

"He's not sleeping well," Jean muttered, his attention back on his food. Damn it. It was lukewarm now. 

"What makes you say that?" Eren asked. He looked up from the journal.

"His neck and right arm are stiff as hell." Jean said after taking a bite. "Think somebody took a torch to his bed when we got back?"

Armin's eyes were following the Commander. Jean twisted to see where the man had gone to now. He was talking to those two weirdos, Mick and Seana. "No, I don't think that's it." He heard Armin mutter.

Jean set the spoon down and picked up his journal. "So he wants us to write in these and mark them." He looked up at the others. They too were holding their journals and staring at them. Even Sasha, who was using the other hand to finish her meal. He stole another look at Mikasa. She was cringing.

"Mikasa?" Jean looked to see if they had a water pitcher at the table.

She waved her hand. "Just a headache." Her focus was back on the journal and her two friends.

It looked like Eren had made a decision, barely aware of his surroundings. He opened his mouth and bit hard into the upper left corner of the book. He winced. When he pulled it back, there was a clear and defined half-ring of various sized indents. It looked like the cover was more impressionable and thicker than originally perceived.

Mikasa and Armin looked at each other and nodded. They readied the journals, mouths open.

"Don't," Eren barked. He winced. "S-sorry. Just...please don't."

Their eyes widened. Abashed, the two pulled the little books away and closed their mouths. 

It was silent, save for Sasha's chewing.

Jean blinked. He stared at his and wracked his brains. What could he possibly do to make his special? He liked to think of himself as a unique individual, but creativity wasn't his thing. Resourcefulness, perhaps, but he needed a healthy gallon of adrenaline with a pinch of panic before that surfaced.

As usual, when lost, Jean reached for his necklace. It wasn't a secret that he had it, of course. Nobody their age in this so-called profession would randomly grab at their chest. They were too young for organ failure, even with the high-stress. He fished it out. Really the only people he didn't want to see the thing were his superior officers. Jean gave another look over his shoulder--nope, Erwin's focus was still on those two. And of course no sign of Hanji or Levi.

He looked back at the necklace.

Thanks to his horrible skills, the way the wax and metal melted, there really was no way to replicate it without spending who knew how many hours in such a hot room. Jean hesitated. He set the journal down and removed the necklace. It was half the length of his thumb and, regardless of the metal cage, he feared breaking it as he held it.

He pressed the necklace into the leather. It would need another tell-tale sign that it belonged to him, and a much less obvious one too. Jean pulled the jewelry back and examined it--no sign of damage. He looked at the journal cover. It had a very clear set of weird hills and valleys now at its center.

As Jean returned the necklace to its rightful place by his heart, he saw Mikasa and Armin were doing something to their journals. He looked at Sasha, who was still staring at hers. Jean was actually okay with not knowing how she'd mark hers. Hers would probably be the hardest one, ultimately, he realized. With that being the case, Jean found that to be best. Perhaps she saw some odd things in those two days she was missing.

A new isolation was forming. He watched as everyone started writing. He had nothing strange to share. Mikasa and Armin did, of course--just by being associated with Eren. Perhaps they even went over something while hiding out in the barracks.

He glared at the blank page. Erwin said not to leave until a page had been filled out. But what the hell could Jean talk about? His venture out in the dark woods had been quite uneventful. They ran into no Titans and evacuated everybody without issue. He let out an irritated huff and just went with that. Erwin said to do it, so Jean was going to do it.

"Jean?"

His head snapped up. No way. Mikasa was initiating conversation with him. "Y-yah?"

"...Thank you for stabbing that Titan in the eye for me," she said. Her cheeks were red. 

The brain was quick to say that, no, she wasn't blushing out of gratitude. The girl was embarrassed at having been caught so "easily." Jean both cursed and thanked his brain. He shrugged. "I don't like the idea of you dying. ...And you're like a younger, not crippled Levi. It'd be a detriment to the Human race if we lost you."

Her eyes hardened.

Jean's stomach lurched. Damn it. What the hell did he say wrong? She wasn't a romantic, so of course gushing about how he'd have felt empty without her wouldn't be the right thing to say. Which was why he wanted to know why she was acting like he had said that. Her disdain towards Levi because of the courtroom incident wasn't a secret. The hate she felt for the corporal couldn't have been that great...

Armin leaned over Eren's back and whispered something to her.

Her expression softened. "...Thank you, Jean." She was back to focusing on the journal.

Jean tore his gaze from her. The journal was still open and still blank. 

He looked around again. Sasha was still the only one eating. The angry jeers were returning in his mind. Steeling himself, Jean started writing about their lack of findings two nights ago.


	7. cluster a : pre-3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I have a question on what you would prefer: would you rather the clusters be individual pieces or would you rather all three in a single chapter space?
> 
> PS  
> Midterms are being assigned so the updating will probably come to a bit of a slowdown. -trying to refrain from tossing up everything she has-

cluster a : pre-3

Hanji stretched.

"You should be careful," Levi commented. He was leaning back in the chair, one hand folded in his lap, the other dangling off the backing of said chair. His bad leg was propped up on her bed, the shoe off.

She stuck out her tongue and continued. "I'm stiff and sore as hell," she pouted. "Lemme have something." Hanji's joints cracked.

"That's gross." Levi muttered. "But at least you can move without screaming. Guess that's a plus."

The woman winced as she folded her legs. They were covered in bruises, She poked at one of them and cringed.

"But you're still in pain. Shouldn't do that," Levi said. 

"Do what? Move or be in pain?" Hanji leaned back, her hands supporting her. "By the way...how did the interrogation with Pastor Prick go?"

Levi made a disgusted noise and rolled his eyes. He tugged at his green shirt. "He threw up on me. It was nothing but bile. Absolutely disgusting."

Had she been wearing her glasses, they'd be shining with something sadistic. "So he's trying to starve himself, hm?" Hanji put a finger to the bridge of her nose. "We'll have to make sure he eats...or do something to make him talk, won't we?"

Levi grabbed his cane and stood it on the ground. He began to drum his fingers against the hook of it. "Yah." He finally said. "He's drinking water, though. No signs of dehydration in that regard. Either he's hesitant about dying and has been shitting us this whole time...or he wants to see what we'll do and die a martyr."

Hanji was staring at the doorway. Two of the nurses were running about, worried about some of the Scouts who were still recovering. One had an arm that was missing and the area was getting infected. Another wasn't going to make it but die painfully slow--gut wounds did that. They had one who was alive but had permanent brain damage and a limp. It was a miracle he could talk in complete sentences.

She unclenched her fingers and smoothed out the sheets.

"The man mentioned losing his family to vine," Hanji's eyes narrowed.

Levi looked at her. "Are you thinking we contact his family?"

The corners of her mouth curled into something cruel.

Levi leaned forward. There was a spark of malice and excitement in his eyes she loved to see. "Tell me, Hanji, we're not thinking the same thing, are we now?" 

Hanji cocked her head to the side. "I don't know...are we, my lovely Levi?"

He snorted. "Think Erwin would approve of it?"

She shrugged. "I don't see why he wouldn't. We're desperate for answers and about to be hard-pressed for time. Our meeting's soon anyway, isn't it? We can just run it by him, hear the answer and go forward anyway. It's not like he's going to have a moment to scold us once things get rolling." Hanji cracked her back. She giggled at Levi's cringe.

"He's got some fucking resolve, though." The corporal growled.

Hanji pulled her legs close. The hospital gown fell, revealing the entirety of her thigh. "What would be a good way to kick him off the wagon, you think? Vine itself or something stronger?"

Levi resumed drumming his fingers on the cane again. It was made of oak; smoothed and shined save for four, fresh nicks.

He had his other hand on his chin, as the man did when pretending to be thinking deeply and seriously. "We'll start with vine."

Hanji nodded. "Think if we don't refill his water as much, that might do something?"

"He may dump into his chamber pot."

"So we don't remove it to get cleaned when he fills it up. Then he can go on the floor and be in his own filth."

"Hanji, that's disgusting. I don't need to be thinking about that."

She cackled and folded her legs again. "He can also pour it on the floor, but the smell will reach him there too. Eventually he'll be surrounded by that sweet temptation and he won't be able to resist much longer." Hanji put her fingers together and pressed her nose into her hands. She was grinning. "I think we should order a few bottles for our good man, don't you think? Oh, perhaps some sleep deprivation tactics. Interrupt his praying..."

Levi gave one of his slow, airy nods. He really was slipping back into his kingpin ways.

Hanji swung her legs over the side of the bed, careful to not touch Levi's ankle. "I need to take a piss." She was slow to her feet. "But should we start with three bottles, you think?" Ow. Her hips were stiff and the lower back already aching.

Levi handed her his cane.

"Thank you," she accepted it and shuffled over. Hanji was careful as she laid it against the wall just outside the bathroom.

A few minutes later and she was out, holding a fresh handkerchief for the cane. "So we get him drunk enough that he breaks down and reveals what he knows? That's our lovely plan?"

Levi took the cane back and twirled it around as Hanji painfully sat back down. "You going to be all right in the cart on the way back?"

"I was going to ask you the same," Hanji said with a sweet smile. She folded her legs and rested her elbows on her knees. "Will you keep me company in the cart?" 

It was subtle, but she saw every bit of it. His eyes changed, the tension in his jaw increased and that cane almost slipped out of his fingers.

"...Yah," he said after a moment. "I think I will." Levi planted the cane down and stood up. "Your water pitcher's empty. I'll get you a new one." He hobbled up and made his way to the door before Hanji could object.

The smile fell. She sighed and rested her chin in her stiff wrists. That plan had better work. It was cruel but the Pastor was worse. Hanji eased onto her back, her limbs splayed out. What the hell was so important that he'd forfeit his life for it? And how dare he think it was just as important or more so than what her friends had flung themselves at.

Levi was dragging himself back into the room, slower this time. The pitcher was heavy in his hand.

"I saw Erwin through the window. Looks like we get to find out now what he thinks."

Hanji groaned, sitting back up. It felt so nice to be stretched out like that. "Good. Maybe he'll not only approve but have some advice on how to go about it."


	8. cluster b | concurrent to 3

The room was warmer but still lonely. 

Levi stared at his food. By now Petra and Erd would be nagging at him to eat. 

He frowned, pushing the plate away.

But Hanji had specially ordered this meal. Supposedly dairy products aided in bone growth and repair. It was a hypothesis she heard about and was curious as to what could happen. Ugh. Her little pet-experiments and projects were irritating sometimes. Couldn't that woman have some other hobby? If she wasn't testing crap out on Titans or reading about them, she was trying out other things on the surrounding Scouts.

Such as seeing if dairy products really did help.

The corporal grumbled and pulled the plate forward. He really wasn't one who enjoyed wasting food. Perhaps, had he been given such an opportunity when he was a child, he'd have a different stature. It was a thought that had the courtesy to surface any time he didn't want to eat. 

But he just couldn't. Not tonight.

Levi groaned and stood up. He moved with little grace to the bathroom. As he washed his hands, he stole a glance at the other door, opposite to where he was. Erwin's room was behind that door. But there was no sound or flicker of candle light from it. Of course not. He was out, making his rounds, discussing some of the key points the three had gone over.

The man dried his hands and grabbed the cane. To his delight, Erwin okay'd the plan he and Hanji had discussed. The vine would be ready for them when they got to HQ. Along with who the fuck knew what else. Graffiti? Shit smeared on the walls? Wouldn't that be something. What ungrateful assholes the people were.

Levi took pained steps back to his bed. He picked up the cravat on his shelved headboard. "You'd kick up a storm if they did that to our home." The man eased himself onto the bed. It was an expensive and nice cravat--silk. Levi was glad that Auro had acquired it through is own means, not in anyway similar to how Levi would've gotten something so fine. If memory served, it would have cost at least three month's pay.

He set it down. The ornate hair clips shined in the candle light.

"You'd remember." Levi took the broken one with a delicate hand. The only dull thing about it was the dried blood. It was twisted at how well the brown complimented the lacquered, green wood. "And it'd be you who'd have to pry Petra and Auruo apart. He'd be running his mouth and Petra would snark back with insults." His gaze was heavy, resting on the cravat. "Shoulda just shut up and picked her some stupid flowers. She loved violets. I know you kno--knew that."

Although his hands were starting to shake, Levi was still able to set down the clip.

He grabbed the patch. It was hand-sewn and perfect. "I saw your kit. You were working on making us all one of our own. ...Don't worry--" Levi paused. He breathed in, then out. "...Don't worry. I've got the kit stored away safe. That other one you finished will be on my uniform the moment I can get it back on."

What was he doing? Levi felt like an idiot. But there was nobody to see or hear what he was up to. 

His hand was trembling but the corporal successfully placed the patch down.

Somehow, he was able to pick up the tiny journal of poetry. But he couldn't bring himself to open it again.

"You'd tell me to be nice to him again, huh?" It took up most of his quaking palm. "And then, somehow, you'd convince the other three to say it too. Even Gunter'd push. Auruo would just keep going and going...Erd--fuck." Levi's fingers curled but did not come together. He grabbed his wrist, trying to control the shaking.

"Fuck. Fuckfuck _fuck,_ " he spat.

"How can I? How can you expect me to do that? To act like it's all okay. He stole you guys from me." Levi's other hand began to shake. "And you want me to just waltz back over to him?"

Of course they would. 

But Levi didn't want that to be the answer. 

Weakly, he put the journal back with the others. He fell back onto his bed--which now felt too big--and stared at the blurry ceiling.


	9. cluster c: post-four

She stood in front of the armoir, hands still on the little doors. Her nails dug into the old wood.

Two uniform shirts and two casual dress shirts hung on the hangers. Such huge things--even on Erwin they would have hung past his hips. She knew very well they went far past her hips. 

This wasn't a new sight. Often enough (though now in her mind it never would have been "enough") she would stand here, debating on which shirt to swipe. He always liked her in the light brown one. Personally she preferred the blue one.

The news was something old and rehearsed every few weeks. They go out and less come back. The citizens curse them, saying their money is fattening them up when in reality it was the Titans that were fattening up.

To then vomit them all back out, of course.

He had to have been one of the last victims before it threw up--there was hardly any sign of "digestion" on the leg.

So if none of this was new and instead all too familiar, why did she feel like crumpling to the floor?

How embarrassing. The answer was one she knew but would never publicly disclose.

Footsteps she recognized. The Commander knocked on the door frame.

"Is now a bad time?" Erwin asked. His voice was gentle.

Hanji forced a smile, still staring at the shirts. "Not at all."

He walked in, his footsteps still proud. But she saw him in her peripheral--his shoulders were too tight and his jaw clenched.

"So...how can I help you, Commander?" Hanji asked. Her shoulders relaxed but her hands remained where they were.

"I wanted to let you know that you're the one in charge of his possessions. Whatever you want to keep, you get to decide first."

Hanji let out a weak chuckle. "Was it because that's what was listed in his will or because he has no family that wants to see him?"

She heard Erwin shift. Perhaps his hands had gone from behind his back to in front. "Both." He was folding his arms.

"I see." Hanji stared at the shirts. "There was a journal he always kept. I've read it inside out many times--it's yours. You can find it in the drawer of his nightstand tomorrow. But there is a new entry in there he said I could read when he returned." She closed her eyes. "...Though that won't happen. You don't think he'll mind if I sneaked a peak, do you?"

She felt his hand on her shoulder. There was a light tug.

Hanji turned to face him.

No hint of crying on him. Just like the proper Commander. But that was just for the public. Hanji knew what was happening as she and Levi left the room, leaving him to take the remains.

"I'm sure he'd be more than fine with it. Are you sure you want me to have it?"

She nodded. "There's a lot in there that Mike would have liked to you to know."

The man blinked. His grip on her shoulder increased for the briefest of seconds. 

He regained composure. "Very well. Anything else?"

She spun around, back to the shirts. But before Erwin could remove his hand, she grabbed it. "I have a request, sir." How embarrassing for her voice to crack.

"Yes?"

"May I spend the night here? I know you want us to be in pairs, but..."

"By all means. I'll station a Scout outside the door."

"Thank you, Commander." She squeezed his hand before letting go.

Erwin returned the favor and pulled his hand back. His steps were slow. They stopped at the doorway. Through the corner of her eye, she saw his hands were behind his back again. "Hanji, I rather you not be in uniform for the next few days. Considering the nature of your injuries, the harness will delay your healing. Looser clothing may be the best for now."

Hanji swallowed. "Thank you, Erwin."

He bowed his head and left.


	10. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit lengthier than I intended! Ah, well. I hope you all enjoy :)

Erwin walked in silence with the Scout. The young man still had a haunted look to him--his friend was the one with the infected arm. "Thank you for accompanying me, Deiter."

The young man glanced at him. "...You're welcome, sir," he mumbled.

It was convenient--Erwin had swung by to see how Hanji was doing. To his relief, she was in the process of getting discharged. Moblit was, of course, fussing over her. Deiter, on the other hand, was still at his friend's side. The young man--Charles--had lost an arm and was fading in and out of consciousness from infection. The Commander was hopeful the man would last until they got to headquarters where better treatment could be given.

Erwin's heart was heavy, prying Deiter away. But his friend needed a sponge bath and the arm extra treatment. The nurses were frazzled enough; they didn't need people crowding the waiting room.

The Commander stopped just outside the barracks. The Scout kept walking.

"Deiter," he said.

The young Scout stopped. "Yes?" He was slow to turn around.

"...If you wish to visit Charles again, Sasha will try to sneak out by herself and visit her friend, Connie. Knowing her, she'll do this to avoid disturbing anybody. Why not you two work something out?"

Deiter stared, processing the information. "O-oh! Thank you, Commander!" His eyes were wide and starting to shine again. He ran past the door for the men's section and straight to the women's.

Erwin walked up the wooden steps and knocked on the door.

It was Mick who opened the door. "Commander!" His eyes widened as he quickly stepped aside. Erwin entered and the door was closed behind him. The boy then jerked his head to the side. 

Eren emerged from the shadows of a corner. He stayed close to it, Mikasa and Armin hovering over him. "How can we help you?" The Scout looked at his friend, Armin and then back at the Commander. "Or are you here for Armin?"

He gave a nod. "Jean as well." The man looked to the top bunk Jean was on, which wasn't too hard to find. The boy had dropped his book in surprise.

Jean's face was red as he scrambled down the ladder. "Me, sir?"

"Yes. You wrote something of interest in your report, but Armin's said other wise. I wish to speak with you two about this."

Armin's eyes hardened as he rolled his shoulders back.

Praise it be, despite Jean's embarrassment, he still had his wits. He picked up on the lie and nodded.

"Of course, sir." The boy dove to pick up the book and set it on his bed. His gear was resting against the bedpost. 

Erwin looked back to the short, blonde Scout. "Armin, if you don't mind, I'd also appreciate it if you would bring your book?"

"My...book?"

Erwin nodded.

He hesitated. "Uh, sure. Let me go get it." Armin fidgeted towards a bed to the right.

Mick pointed to a floorboard under what he assumed was somebody else's bed. "You hid it there this time."

"Right. Thank you." Armin scurried for it and popped it open.

This elicited an eyebrow raise from Erwin. That boy was never so scattered as to forget where he'd put something so important to him. Unless he normally hid it somewhere else and was moving out of habit. The Commander glanced at the bed Armin had intended to move for. It was still unmade and hadn't been touched for a few days now.

Ah. Connie's bed.

Armin was holding the book close to his chest. "Let me just get my gear, Sir."

Jean held out his hand. "Mine's on."

The Commander focused on Eren. "How are you feeling?" He asked the boy.

Eren shrugged. "Pent up. I don't like hiding and doing nothing."

"I understand. We're working on a plan for how we can make things work in our favor." 

He just nodded and mumbled an "I know."

Armin secured his blades. "Ready, sir."

The Commander nodded. He looked at the Scouts, who were still standing and staring at him. "I thank you all for cooperating about hiding Eren," Erwin said, turning back for the door. "As a reminder, we leave first thing in the morning for HQ." He stepped back out into the night air.

Jean was handing Armin's book back to him as they followed.

Once they were outside, Jean spoke up: "So what's this "contradiction" in our reports, sir?"

Erwin scanned their surroundings. The moon was mostly full, though waning. Nothing was revealed to be out of place. His older, more experienced Scouts were on patrol and not raising any sounds of alarm. "On Armin's report, he states that Charles' arm was bitten off by the same Titan that devoured Hannes. Your report states that the Titan was intelligent enough to go after Hannes first and simply tossed Charles aside." 

"Hn." Jean reached to readjust his chest harness. Or, more like, make it look like he was doing that. There was a necklace he had been trying to hide. That was something Erwin would have to talk to him about.

Armin, on the other hand, sighed. "I hope Eren's okay."

"He's a dumb ass with crazy luck. I'm sure he's fine," Jean replied.

"Hey, don't say that about him." Armin glared.

"Both of you," Erwin cut in. "Enough. If you want to say anything more, take it out on the track back at HQ." He didn't care if the bickering was to continue the act--his patience was decreasing by the hour.

"Sorry, sir," the two said in unison.

Already they were at his office--this fort was a small one. "Keep it in mind for the future." Erwin said. He unlocked the door to let them in. Once the door was shut: "Hand-to-hand is also a good way to let it out." Erwin unfastened his cloak, taking long strides to his chair. There were two more at his desk. He gestured to them. "Please, sit."

They were quick to do as asked.

Erwin himself took his seat. He looked at them--their eyes were wide and focused on the large stack of papers. It was one thing to see the bodies and handle them. It was a completely different thing to see the heartless bureaucratic side. For them, the body was still a Scout and a friend who had met a gruesome end. But for everybody else that body was just a string of letters on a piece of paper.

"I would like you to help by organizing the stack of papers. Alphabetize the names by from A to Z by last name. This is a task I want you two to get used to--familiarize yourself with how these reports look and what goes into filling them out. If you catch an inconsistency, correct it and the form will be redone with said corrections. Do so in whichever order you prefer" Erwin had gone over the spiel in his head a dozen times before. By the time the words had gotten to his mouth, he couldn't help it from sounding rehearsed. 

He opened the drawer of his desk and handed each of them a blue fountain pen. "For corrections."

They wordlessly accepted them. 

Armin set his book down in his lap and looked at the papers.

And the Commander began his work without another glance. But the sounds of shuffling papers confirmed that they had resigned themselves to the task. Soon there was the scratching of pens. They had chosen to correct inconsistencies first. The fact that there was so much scribbling unsettled Erwin. 

"...No," Armin began. "That's not right."

Erwin glanced up.

The boy was looking at a paper Jean was working on. "I know for a fact that sh--Maya, was devoured. She's not MIA."

Jean's hand hovered over the paper. There was a tremor to it as he slashed out "MIA" and wrote in a shaky scrawl 'devoured by Titan."

His writing wasn't as neat as Armin's, but it was better than Erwin's.

They went back to going through the papers.

It was interesting that they didn't split the stack. They would just take one paper after the next. After who knew how much time--there was no clock; Erwin had it removed--they paused. Jean stretched, cracking his back. Armin extended his arms, wincing at the noise they made. He then looked at the Erwin.

"Sir, if I may ask...why did you ask I bring my book?"

About time he asked. Erwin was starting to worry Armin was more off kilter than desired. Of course he couldn't blame him. Only just now had they finally gotten a chance to properly rest and absorb the latest traumas. "It contains details about the outside world. Don't think we haven't overheard the stories you've told your cabin mates." Erwin rubbed the back of his twinging neck. "Although our missions are now pushed back into the confines of the familiar Maria, it may have some useful information for the future."

Armin's eyes widened. "The future?"

Erwin set his pen down.

"If we ever reclaim Maria, then Humanity will have achieved another victory. But we'll still be trapped. Unfortunately, little is known--or allowed to be known--of what lies beyond the Walls. Are there environments or creatures we've never thought of? Or what about abnormal weather patterns? If we can ever hope to get out of the Walls, we'll need to survive. The farthest we've ventured is perhaps ten miles. That's not nearly enough to get an idea of what's out there. On chance of me dying before that happens, I want to ensure a detailed set of instructions for how to handle the world beyond the Walls."

The two stared at him, both astonished and fearful. 

Armin's hands were shaking as he lifted the book. "My grandfather gave this to me." His voice was soft. "I know you'll be careful with it, but...I want to stress just how important it is. Please," He looked at the Commander. "Don't do let it come to any harm."

Erwin held out his hands. He more-so cradled the book than took it. "Hanji will be the one handling it more than I will be. I can assure you she will see it is cared for."

The boy looked relieved.

Erwin shifted his gaze to Jean. He found the Scout was no longer looking at him but glaring at the stack of papers. "Did we distract you, Jean?"

Jean's jaw tightened. "No, sir. I understand why you want to be prepared for the future. But it just seems pointless. There are Titans in the Walls--that crazy cult is obviously up to something. We've got bigger things to worry about besides what to do if we run into something bigger than a bear." He snorted. "I think we've got _that_ covered." Jean looked up. "Humans are starting to show just how stupid and self-destructive they can be. Somehow, I don't think a mere set of instructions is going to help."

Erwin studied Jean. He knew the boy was cynical. Right now bags were starting to develop under the young Scout's eyes. Despite the protective wall of pessimism and viewing things with such bleakness, the horrors were getting through the cracks. But he kept up quite the brave face.

He looked at Armin. He was listening to every word.

Erwin opened a drawer in his desk. "It will not be left in here," he said, lifting the book. "I merely wish to put it where it will not have ink spilled on it." It was set down without a sound. Erwin shut the drawer with almost the same volume. His attention was back on them. "I have a question for you two."

They straightened up in their seats.

"Why do you think the Crown has ordered the Military Police to transfer Annie to our old headquarters?"

He observed. Armin sharply inhaled. Jean was still thinking.

"To minimize any potential damage in case she wakes up. Connie's village is the closest one to our headquarters, but because it's been completely emptied one way or the other, the casualties will be minimal."

Jean's eyes widened. 

"Do you disagree?" Erwin asked him.

"N-no." Jean gave Armin a look before composing himself. "Just...I think it may also be a way to save their own skins. Wall Sina is supposed to be the safest place. The Military Police have clearly demonstrated just how poor their skill is. If somebody as dangerous as Annie breaks out, the King is dead. So is everyone else in there." He frowned. "It's to save their own as--skin. Not only that, if anything does happen with Annie, it'll make us look bad. People hate us enough as is. It'd just be another thing to make us look bad and have an excuse to cut our funding. Oh and take Eren away, of course."

Impressive.

And expected. Erwin felt the corners of his mouth twitch. "I see." He let his wrists relax against the worn wood of the desk. "Then I'd like your insight for how we'll sneak Eren back in."

Armin's eyes went wide again. "Sir, wont' the MP be there? Even if Jean's right about them wanting to make us look bad--" he glanced at Jean--"And you are right; they'll still have some people stationed there."

Erwin nodded. "Correct."

"So what's the plan?" Jean asked.

"I apologize, but you'll have to wear a wig again."

It was clear the first thing Jean wanted to say was "what" but he caught himself. There was a difference between honest thoughts and questions and flat out no filter. The boy seemed to ride the line at times. Right now he seemed to be well aware of which side he should be on.

"...I see, sir," Jean said at last. "Do I get to hear what else is beyond that so I may properly fulfill my role as Eren?" His teeth were clenched as he asked. Their friendly, one-sided rivalry couldn't be that painful, could it?

"You will be riding on the same cart as Levi, Hanji and the pastor. Mikasa will be "guarding" you to add to the facade." He caught the hint of pink in Jean's cheeks.

"But Pastor Nick's had a good look at Eren's face," Armin interjected. "He was on the cart with us when things were going awry in Sina. And where are we going to put Eren?"

"Jean will have his hood down; and we will never explicitly state he is Eren. As for where the real Eren will be, that would be the cart with the injured. He and the others on there will also have their hoods pulled down. We will inform Sasha, Mick and Seana so they may keep an eye on him. Our excuse for this the hoods is they are unwell and need rest--sunlight won't make it any easier." He hoped they would ask more about the plans. Too much had been said to turn either away now. ...But Erwin was also confident in them, so really his worry was more from a natural caution he learned to nurture if it meant survival.

"What if they check the injured?" Asked Jean. 

"Good question. There are two ways we can deal with this." He rubbed his neck again. Damned thing. Sitting with his hands on the desk for too long wasn't helping. "One is we have Eren fake a seizure if they get too close and he be taken from them immediately. The other is we say we recovered him but his regenerative abilities are not working and he requires attention from Hanji's assistants."

"And if they ask about me?"

"They don't know what the real Jean Kirstchen looks like." Erwin responded with a mix of blunt and amusement. "And for those who are aware of Mikasa's protective nature, I'm sure you can elaborate a story and act about how injured you were and how calm she could keep you."

The poor boy's cheeks went red. Erwin could barely hide his amusement at the puppy-love. Maybe if his neck wasn't being such a pest there wouldn't be a pang of bitterness. 

The Commander turned his attention to the other boy. "Armin, you look unsure?"

He was chewing his lip. "I think...the second option is the safer one. Although we risk him getting taken from us if they find him, the false seizure has too many variables. He could startle somebody who really is injured or the MP may take him off the cart in an attempt to help. Then he'd literally be in their hands."

Wonderful. That had been the plan he hoped for to begin with. "Then it's the second plan we'll go with. Before sunrise, I want you and Mick to escort Eren to the infirmary. Return to your quarters afterward and get ready for departure. I will make sure the needed materials to disguise Jean are waiting for you." He sighed. "I take it you two understand what may happen if this fails?"

They nodded.

"Not much planning needs to be done about that," Jean muttered.

Erwin gave a stiff nod. "If we succeed in getting him past the Military Police, I will call for another meeting. When you two return to your quarters, please inform those involved of the plan."

He picked up his pen. 

"I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate your cooperation and loyalty." Erwin took another death report. "The discussion portion of this evening is done, but you two still have plenty of papers to go through. Please resume."

The two went back to work, rifling through the papers they had edited, as if a discussion had never taken place. 

Erwin went back to signing the ones that he had already seen to himself. The signature was, despite his mental protest, automatic. 

The boys were back to picking up papers to check for inconsistencies. 

Despite the confirmation he had chosen well, Erwin was starting to regret asking them to join him. They were both diligent and cooperative, of which he was grateful for. But their company, though invited, felt intrusive. The Commander almost always did this task by himself. And if he wasn't alone, Mike would be looming in the corner, keeping a watchful eye. That man always knew when it was time to drag Erwin off or when to slip away and come back with a glass of water. 

He swore for a second Mike really was there in the corner, his arms folded and glaring at the wall.

The man grimaced. Maybe he should just send them out. There was two of them, so they would be able to get back to the barracks just fine. And he could easily wave it off as they had done a good job at cutting through the amount. It wouldn't be a lie and he was pretty sure it had been almost two hours or so by now.

There was still a decent amount to go through, but he'd seen worse.

Jean's and Armin's hands brushed.

They lurched back.

Erwin's jaw tightened. "You two have shared the same quarters for a few years now. A simple brush of the hands shouldn't be so embarrassing that you must blush," he barely kept his voice even. And then his attention was back on the death report of Narisa Klofen. Perhaps it would be good to send them off. The necessary words had been exchanged, his thinning patience saw to that. Now it decided was the time to slip away. 

But there was no sign of papers being moved or the scraping of pens.

Erwin set his pen down. "Is there a problem?"

The looks on their faces made his heart skip a beat.

"Well?" Erwin looked between the two, ignoring the bad feeling rising in his chest.

Armin had a look of horror on his face. Jean's expression was a more extreme version of what he wore while waiting for Sasha to wake up.

The two boys exchanged glances.

It was Jean who reached for the paper on the stack. There was a capital 'Z,' Erwin noticed.

"...Here, Commander." The Scout held it out for him.

Erwin was careful as he took the paper. 

Mike Zacharius. Devoured by Titan. Parts confirmed to belong to deceased: Right leg. Parts potentially belonging to deceased: Left hand.

Their eyes were on him.

He kept the mix of emotions from surfacing. "You two...have helped a great amount tonight." Erwin rose, paper still in hand. "I appreciate it. You may return to your quarters now. Try not to stall on the way back." Rage was starting to carve its self a place in his chest. Despair was filling the gaps.

Jean looked like he wanted to say something. To his relief, Armin stopped him.

"We should see if Sasha wants an escort to visit Connie," he said.

Jean was staring at the paper in Erwin's hand. "...Right." The Scout forced his eyes back onto his Commander. "Thank you for this, uh, opportunity, sir. Good night."

They left.

Erwin's knees began to tremble. He slammed his fist down on the table, the page crinkling. This wasn't happening. It had to have been a mistake and other cliched statements of refusal went off in his head like flares.

He took a deep breath and smoothed out the paper. "I'm sorry," Erwin caught himself mumbling. 

A growl escaped him. The Commander rested his hands on the desk and stared at the paper. He knew where he had to go.

Erwin was quick and careful with pulling the book out from the drawer and placing it in his satchel. 

He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The man turned right, towards the basement, where it was cool and the remains were stored. 

A Scout spun out of the way. "Commander!" He said. "I was just told to fetch--"

"Does this have to do with Mike's remains?" Erwin's voice was level and cold.

The man paled. "Yes."

"Then you best lead the way."

And so the Scout did. He followed him, instead, to Hanji's makeshift office.

His two remaining pillars were there.

The pungent smell of decay greeted him like an old friend.

In this case, Erwin found the simile was more literal than desired.

Hanji's eyes were clear. But her teeth were clenched and she wasn't really looking at the leg on the table. Her gaze was distant. She had her hands at her sides, one clutching a handkerchief and the other digging nails into her palm.

Levi was standing there, thoughtfully gazing at the leg. He hand both hands on the cane, hunched over, staring at the man who no longer loomed over him. The candle light shed truth on how he really felt--the bags under his eyes were quite obvious.

_The gang's all here,_ Erwin thought bitterly.

He stepped in. The Scout who escorted him did as well.

Erwin could only keep himself in check for so long. "Borson," he began.

"Y-y-yes?" Stammered the Scout, Borson. 

"Why were none of us informed of this until now?" He snarled. "Why was this filled out long before either of us were told?" The Commander held up the death report. 

Borson's mouth opened and closed, but no response was given.

"Leave us." 

The Scout was more than happy to oblige.

None of them commented on Erwin's behavior.

"May I see that?" Hanji asked, holding out her hand.

There were four, crescent shaped marks on her palm.

Erwin handed her the report.

She didn't pull her glasses down. Her eyes flickered between the leg and paper. "...They are correct." Hanji said after a moment. "The carving on the sole of this boot is indeed Mike's. At least they got that right." She limped closer and leaned over, examining the hand. It was a gag-inducing gray and somewhat shiny. Hanji stuffed the handkerchief into her pocket. The woman held up her hand and looked between it and the one on the table. "It would be safe to say that this is hand." She re-reread the notes on the report. "His remains were found in Titan vomit. Judging by how there are few signs of digestion, it may also be safe to say the Titan had already gotten to a village before meeting him. And it's possible one of the members of his squad slayed it before meeting a similar end. Perhaps Nanaba."

Erwin remained silent, letting her continue. But she paused. Well, he wasn't going to push either. Her eyes were locked back on the leg. The belts were torn and the fabric soaked with blood and spittle. Possibly less-than-dignifying things added to the discoloration of fabric.

He glanced back at Hanji. She was still staring at the leg, no doubt remembering how right about now, it should be hanging off the side of a bed too small for his frame.

Levi cleared his throat.

Hanji blinked. "There were no signs of his gear. It may have been damaged and he was forced to go on foot. His horse was found dead as well. I have requested that the body be kept for me to examine and confirm that is indeed his."

Erwin gave a nod. She had more to say.

"But..." she put the paper to her lips, thinking. "...The condition of his body is odd."

Levi kept his mouth shut.

"How?" Erwin asked, his throat beginning to burn. He clenched his jaw and swallowed. 

Her lips thinned. "There's more signs of steam burns than digestive damage."

That _was_ odd. A Titan only steamed to a great degree upon death.

Hanji shook her head. "This is a fucking embarrassment," she spat. "Something strange is right in front of me and I can't bring myself to piece it together. I have a disgraceful lack of energy to look at the evidence needed and considering how long it took for us to be _told_ Mike had been slain, who knows how irresponsible they'll be with his horse?!"

The paper crunched as her hands balled into fists.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "...I apologize," Hanji said.

Levi looked up at her. He tapped the back of her leg with his cane. "Ya think maybe the Titan was taken down as it was barfing? Perfect time to kill'm."

Hanji frowned, shaking her head. "No. That "bio"film that sticks to the bolus stops that."

Levi didn't make a comment on how gross that was.

Hanji put a hand to her mouth, eyes boring into what was left of Mike. The candle light danced across her shining eyes. Whatever was spinning away in her mind was burning brighter than any funeral pyre Erwin had attended.

"Commander, if we could take this with us to Headquarters for further examination, I would appreciate it. Something is certainly off about his death, and it has little to do with how skilled he was."

Erwin bowed his head. "Of course," he said. "I've always trusted your judgment, Hanji. I can't imagine that ever changing."

She grunted and looked at the report. "I need to speak with Moblit and make sure my journals on Titan digestion and Titan decay are on hand. It'll be a nice, light reading for the trip back." Hanji clumsily turned.

Levi hopped to his feet. "I'll help you give him hell if he tries to say you need rest." He cast a glance at Erwin before escorting Hanji out.

The hinges creaked as the door was shut.

He stood there, staring at Mike. No, the leg. No, Mike--

The Commander shook his head. Whether it was pieces of Mike or his whole body, the fact remained the same: He was dead. How such a brilliant Human could be taken down Erwin knew all too well.

His hands shook as he grabbed a pair of gloves. "Y'know, Mike," he let out a dark chuckle. "You often complained that they never made these cloaks big enough for you." His throat began to burn again and it wasn't from the smell. "And I always told you to be careful for what you wished for." Erwin took Mike's hand in his and set it down on the knee.

"Not very fair, though, that you had to go off and die without me there." He clenched his jaw. "You never broke a promise. I hope you know I had been joking in our training days about it never being too late to try new things." He began to tuck the fabric around the leg, making sure every bit of it was covered. It wasn't difficult now that there was more than enough material. "I guess it was good you always ignored me when I said that. You said I'd work myself to an early grave and always had to carry me back to the barracks. I told you you'd more likely die of boredom, what with how they'd make you join the Military Police." Erwin let out another chuckle, a broken one this time.

The Commander paused, sliding his hands under the leg. It was disturbingly light. He closed his eyes and choked down a breath. 

"Never thought there'd be a day where I carried you." Erwin whispered, taking what was left of Mike to the basement.


	11. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All righty! Hopefully the clusters make sense now! Sorry about it being so...slow. But things really oughtta start rolling. As a warning, the rating will go up soon. Partly due to language but it's going to get bloody. ...Though seeing as this is Attack on Titan, that may not be too much of an issue. Anyhow, again, thank you all so much for making it this far!

They heard the door slam as they stepped outside.

"...He's taking it rather well," Jean said.

Armin stared as the wind blew the exit door shut.

"What? It's obvious somebody messed up /bad/ on the paperwork. If I was in his position, I don't think I'd have been able to pretend to be pleasant."

Armin pulled his hood up. "You do know this was a test for just that, right?" He turned to start heading back to their quarters.

Jean was rooted to the spot. The thought had crossed his mind while they were in the office, but it wasn't one he wanted to dwell on. But there was no use now. It most definitely had been a leadership test. His hand flew to his chest, clutching the necklace. 

"We need to get back to the barracks, Jean," Armin said. His tone wasn't sharp, but it had lost the meekness it carried only four days ago.

"Right!" Jean shook his head and yanked his hood up. He jogged after Armin, his gear clanking as he went. But too many things were hanging in the back of his mind, weighing him down even in his footsteps. 

Of course Armin noticed. He stopped and turned. "Jean, is something wrong?"

"Possibly." Jean folded his arms and looked Armin in the eye. He now had a chance for something he didn't think he would have. "What was up with that lie?"

Armin stiffened and looked away. "...It got the job done, didn't it?"

It was Jean's turn to look away. He reached for his necklace again, pulling it out this time. "It was just...unsettling, Armin. You're normally the quiet, sweet kid who keeps us in check." He twisted the necklace this way and that. "And then you pull that out and just...I mean, I dunno. It sure revealed a lot of stuff." His eyes were back on his fellow Scout. "Like the background stuff nobody wants to think about--Bertholdt does have emotions, he's not some cold, callus freak of nature like we want to see him as. Or the more upfront thought like you've grown into something less human."

Armin winced. "Jean, is this necessary?"

"Yes, because you said so yourself in that forest of giant ass trees--Erwin's somebody who's willing to sacrifice everything if it means saving the Human race. Including his own Humanity." Jean's fingers formed a protective cage around the glass and bone. "If replacing him is what that takes, I'm not willing to do that and I don't want you to either."

He felt those blue eyes look him over, picking away at his defenses and piecing together what was left. 

Armin took a deep breath. "Jean, I rather not be the leader, but if you aren't willing to take the reigns, I'll have no choice but to."

His fingers almost wrapped around the necklace.

"How do you think Eren's going to feel about all this if we find him?"

Armin's eyes hardened. " _When_ we find him." 

Jean sighed and hung his head. "...I'm sorry, Armin. I didn't mean to be so harsh. Just..." he set the necklace back against his chest. "I rather we not lose any more people. And I mean that physically and emotionally."

Armin wasn't quite looking at him, Jean noticed--he was looking at the necklace.

"...Did you know you sometimes ask "did anyone see him die" in your sleep?"

Jean physically recoiled. "What?"

He eyed Armin, trying to see if anything in his expression would give him away. Nothing about the boy seemed to betray what was going on in that labyrinth of his mind. A thought flashed in Jean's mind--was Armin trying to see if he could do what he did to Bertholdt again? To see if it could be replicated or was it a one time thing? Jean felt bile in the back of his throat. No. No more betrayal--not even Armin would be capable of that. Sure Reiner couldn't have but he was. But this was _Armin._ Their morality guardian. Yet he seemed to be willing to shed that title.

But his expression changed into something hurt. Genuine pain.

"Jean, I didn't mean it--"

"Then what did you mean by that?!" He didn't bother to keep his voice level.

"I..." Armin's eyes began to shine. "I think I know how Marco was murdered."

That word. Jean didn't like that word.

His hands fell to his side. "What...?" As if the memory was something distant and vague, he could hear Armin saying Annie had Marco's gear. It was a thought he didn't want, so his brain began to reel it away from his conscious centers.

Armin's shoulders sagged. "I'm...pretty sure it was Annie. Maybe even Bertholdt who are responsible for his death. He probably saw them do something. Not only that, they were the last ones he was seen with. I'm pretty sure they killed Marco and Annie stole his gear for whatever she had planned."

The voice sounded far away again. And instead of truly hearing his words, Jean heard a roaring sound. Bertholdt always helped with the mopping after that. Annie with the dishes. It had _always_ been Annie who helped Jean with the dishes after Marco's death. He figured that had just been because he never spoke to her. Same went for Bertholdt. ...And Jean knew to keep his mouth shut around Annie. She didn't care to talk, so he wasn't gonna force it. Occasionally she did speak, though, but that was from Reiner poking his head in to see how they were doing. Or if she brushed up against him. Not that he'd have called being within two inches a brush up--but she'd always apologize.

"Always saying she was sorry..."

"I'm sorry?"

His head snapped up. "Armin, I need to be alone." He could feel a tremor starting in his hands.

"You know we can't do that."

"I know, Armin, but I really do need to be alone."

The boy steeled himself. "And I'm not going to let you do that."

"Then try and keep up."

"Huh?"

Jean didn't know what possessed him to do it, but he did it. He spun away and ran. An angry howl tore its way out of his throat. He didn't quite know where he was running to, but it was anywhere but that cold stack of papers wasn't.

Another yell escaped him. Raw and full of rage, it was uselessly cast into the night air. 

"Jean, wait!"

"Bitch!" Jean heard himself scream. "That's why you were always saying you were sorry, you treacherous bitch!" He slid to a stop in front of an old tree, his throat burning. "You--" he began to stomp at the tree. "--all--ways--said--you--were--sorry!" Jean spat, slamming his boots into the bark, watching the splinters fly. His voice grew shriller with every word. "You! Just! Had! To! Re! Leave! Your! Guilt! Some! HOW!" 

He felt hands yank him back. "Jean!" Armin tried to spin him around. "Jean, please! You're making a scene!"

"I don't care!" Jean fell to his knees, his breath ragged and painful. "They murdered Marco and tried to play nice about it!" His heart was hammering against his ribs. He dug his fingers into the dirt. "I don't care if they felt guilty!" Jean choked out. "I don't want to see them as former friends any more. I want them to be monsters!" The boy yelled. 

"I just want to hate them..." he whimpered.

Armin didn't respond right away.

And then a hand was on Jean's back. Then the other was on his shoulder. The nudge was gentle. 

He wiped his eyes before looking up.

Armin was squatting. He put his hands on his knees, never looking away from Jean. "We have at least six Scouts staring at us. You're lucky your emotions are so easy to understand--they knew that we weren't in danger. But they're still worried."

Jean's cheeks heated up. Whatever that statement was supposed to mean could be thought about later. He swallowed. "Right. Sorry..."

Armin looked past Jean and nodded. He heard the 3DMG activate from six different individuals. 

Jean wanted to stand but his legs felt weak and shaky. "Gimme a minute," he muttered.

"Of course."

Jean closed his eyes and tried to take a steady breath. It wasn't.

He opened his eyes, finding himself staring at the moon. It was a lovely thing to see, for some reason. Far and distant from all the troubles here on the ground. Maybe that's why. He wanted to think about what life would be like on something so pure looking.

Jean shook his head. He took another breath, this one smoother than the last.

"Ready?"

"Yah..." He pushed himself off the ground, shaking the excess dirt off his fingers. "Sorry about the outburst..." Jean apologized again.

~+~+~+~

He wasn't sure which pair of whispers it was that awoke him first. 

Armin and Eren were in the corner, talking about something he could barely understand. Maybe it was to go over all possible problems in the plan. Or perhaps they were plotting what could be done against Bertholdt and Annie. 

Then the other pair. Mick and Seana he could hear just fine.

Which probably explained another thing that woken him up--the cold. One of the windows was wide open and the two were obviously directly under neath it. 

"Commander's eyebrows are too thick for me to be starstruck over him. I like Moblit, though." That was Mick.

Seana giggled. "He is kinda charming in that freak-out-sorta way. But I really liked Krista. Deiter's not so bad either."

"Agreed on all accounts..."

And tuning out _now._ Jean covered his ears with the pillow and rolled over, mostly blocking out their creepy conversation. But he could still hear their voices.

He cracked open an eye. Armin and Eren were still talking, barely taking notice of him.

Jean glared at their backs. He forced his eyes to be somewhere else.

Deiter had returned from the infirmary. Sasha should have as well then.

The pit of Jean's stomach burned with something hot and hideous. He suppressed a groan, grabbing at his necklace instead. The act did not bring comfort like he wanted but intensified the acidic feeling.

He rolled over and stared at the wall. The wood was old and worn. And boring. And absolutely craptastic at blocking out the conversations.

That was it.

Jean sat up, his bed creaking. Fuck it. He didn't care at this point. His descent down the ladder was quiet, but that was out of habit.

The movement was more than enough to get the other boys' attention, though.

"Jean, where are you going?" Armin asked. His voice was low to avoid waking up everyone else.

"Out for a walk. Then probably gonna be back here to get a book and my gear, then I'm gonna go and make some tea until its time to go."

"We're not supposed to go out alone," Eren said. He too was jealous, but of different things.

Jean didn't care right now. Besides, rubbing it in his face was too low, even for his standards.

"Haven't seen a single Titan since we got you back. There are Scouts on patrol. I'm fine with getting chewed out by the Commander, assuming he has a chance to." Jean flexed his foot a couple times, making sure the boot fit comfortably. 

Eren frowned. "Jean..."

He let out a sigh, not bothering to hide his annoyance. "Eren. I'm going outside. Neither of you can stop me." Jean stood up. "I'll see you two in a few hours, all right?"

Eren glowered. "...I won't let you live it down if I have to save your ass from a Titan."

The other Scout kept his mouth shut. Jean just bowed his head to Armin, glad he wouldn't be pursued this time. He was quick to exit the barracks.

Moonlight gave the dew on the grass an eery sheen. It was surprisingly springy considering the weather. Jean figured it'd have withered from the cold. Then again maybe grass didn't do that. Trost didn't have much grass or many parks. It was just buildings and cobblestones. And very crowded.

Jean sighed and reached for what was left of Marco. "I complained too much about how cramped home was. I'm sorry that's all you had to hear from me while you were still around--bitching and whining." He found his feet taking him towards the dilapidated stone wall. It reminded him plenty of his training days with Marco. Whenever they had free time, the two would slip away and find some rocks or a ledge to sit on. Sometimes they talked about what happened in training or their life with the Military Police. Had Jean known the future, maybe he would have tried to convince Marco to flee. ...Had Jean known the future, maybe he could have stopped everything.

The young Scout hopped over the stones with learned grace, taking his perch on a flat, worn one.

He looked up at the moon again. It was cold. He should have brought his cloak. But he was more alert if he wasn't comfortable. The concept made his lips form a dark smile. Jean kept his thoughts on the moon. What was it like up there? Quiet and peaceful, he imagined. Nobody and nothing was there. It must be pure bliss. Or perhaps it wouldn't be. Armin's book said the moon orbited their spinning world but it itself never turned. So the bright, shining side was always looking down on such Hell. Perhaps there was something sinister on its other side? Jean couldn't think of anything worse than the danger that lurked down here on home.

“Why hasn’t the world stopped spinning? Marco, you’re not moving, but the world is. Why is that?” Jean asked the necklace. 

Despair. Rage. The two feelings often warred for his attention. Tonight the sickly hot feel of rage and its friends was winning out. Even such an ugly emotion had company while Jean did not.

"Because that's the life of a Scout."

Jean's heart sky-rocketed. 

"S-sir!" He scrambled to shove the necklace back under his shirt. How the hell was he so quiet?

"I thought I had said to not be alone?"

Jean didn't respond.

"Scout, did I not say that?"

"...You did," he mumbled.

"So why are you out here by yourself?"

His tone was one Jean had not heard in a while. The last time he had seen his parents was upon the return from that disaster of his first Scouting mission, he realized. 

"I...needed to be alone." Jean finally said. "Besides, sir, why are you out by yourself?"

He could feel Erwin's eyes on him.

"Walk with me," was the response he got instead.

Jean's stomach began to sink, taking his snarling rage with it. But the feeling wasn't going to go down easily. He unfolded himself from the ledge and made his way down the unstable steps. 

"Sir, permission to speak freely?"

"Granted or not, you seem to do so anyway." Erwin wasn’t smiling, but his tone wasn’t angry either. 

Jean hopped down in front of the Commander. "With how you've been lately, they're going to want to get rid of you. It isn't safe to be by yourself." 

A morbid thought crossed Jean's mind. The Humans were so self-destructive as to take down their hope for freedom...what would stop them from taking a few casualties?

Erwin rose a brow. "Still hung up on that, are you now?"

Again no anger.

"Why don't you ever get upset with me?!" Jean blurted out. "Why am I on par with Armin when it comes to who's gonna replace you when they get sick and tired of you?"

He looked ahead and began walking. "Because the questions you ask and statements you make are reasonable at the core. Your presentation of them need work, but yelling at you or ordering you to run a hundred laps isn't going to fix that."

"Well then what _do_ you intend on doing to fix it?"

"Are you actually asking to be punished?" Erwin chuckled.

Jean frowned. "I just want to know what's going on. Why Armin? Why me?"

Erwin put his hands behind his back, as if at ease. "I have my reasons, of which I may disclose later in the future."

"No you won't. You're just saying that to gauge how I'll react. What you really plan on happening is for us to realize why on our own. But Armin already knows why, of course--he's Armin. Me? I still need to figure out why I'm on this list."

The Commander spared him a glance. "What are your thoughts on my choosing of Armin?"

Jean folded his arms. "Horrible idea."

"Oh?"

"Because he's not that good on the battlefield." Jean said without hesitation. "His strategic skills are astounding and he's better off staying in shape hopping around his office planning on what to do next. Putting him out to fight Titans'll just get him killed and we may as well give up and go home and wait for the Walls to crumble."

"That's not the only reason, Jean."

He felt his cheeks flush. Jean reached for the necklace but stopped himself. "I don't like what I saw when we were going after Eren."

"What was that?"

The Scout didn't care if this was part of Erwin's stupid test. "I don't want him to give up his Humanity like you have!"

"Jean, are you calling me a monster?" There was a smile on the Commander's lips.

"Ah--" he looked at his boots, abashed. "I--no." Jean sighed, hollowness expanding and crushing the rage and despair. "Not really, at least."

"Hm?" The man looked almost disappointed yet cheery at the same time. 

Jean was tempted to take a sniff to detect bourbon or whiskey. He refrained. "You send people to their deaths without a second thought. The speech you gave us said you'd sign us up for that fate, even."

"Yet here we are, walking and talking, breathing and whole."

He couldn't stop himself from grabbing the necklace this time.

"So. You don't think I'm a complete monster, then? Is that it?"

Jean sighed. "...We've spoken. I've been in meetings with you."

"But that's obviously not it. You've seen how cold I can be in those meetings."

The Scout held on tighter to the pendant. His shoulders sank. "The way you reacted to the news about Mike." He said at last. "You wouldn't have slammed that door if you didn't care. I already know what it's like to lose your training buddy." Jean tugged the necklace, lengthening it. 

Erwin stopped walking.

Jean realized this and paused to turn. "Sir?" Shit, he'd done it now. His petulant whining was finally going to bite him in the ass.

The Commander smiled again, but it was one devoid of any humor or cheer. He turned to look at Jean. "Do you feel like that puts you ahead of Armin?"

"What?" Jean stared.

"We're still unsure about Eren, but it's best for everyone's morale to assume he's MIA. Do you think that hope is enough to separate Armin between you and myself?" Erwin's eyes drifted to the necklace. "Or do you feel that you and Armin are on the same plane, separate from me?"

He covered the little vial, hands forming a protective cage. Jean's heart pounded against his ribs. 

The Commander's piercing eyes were back on Jean's. "You talk to that as if it Marco at your side."

Jean clutched it. "There's a difference between you're friend being missing and dead."

"Perhaps Eren is both. Do you think he's a dead man walking?"

The hairs on the back of Jean's neck stood on end. His head felt heavy, as if gravity was increasing where they stood. He looked down at his feet. "...I dunno, sir. We'll find out if we find him, won't we?" Jean's hands fell to his sides. 

The way Erwin was talking about Eren didn't feel like it was just the lie that he was missing. There was something about the tone of the Commander that made it feel...layered. Perhaps they were in danger of losing Eren to the Titans, but not the same way as the other Scouts. It made Jean's insides twist.

Erwin put a hand on his shoulder. "When in front of others, we try and say 'when.'"

Before Jean could reply, the Commander slipped his finger under the chord of the necklace. In a single motion, he slid his hand to the pendant and flicked it off and over Jean's head.

"Hey--"

"It's going to be you or Armin, Jean. So, do you want to take on the responsibility if it means keeping him out of the crossfire? Or would you rather stay in the sidelines?"

Jean's eyes glanced between his Commander and Marco's remains.

The man moved his hand ever so slightly, causing the necklace to swing. "Would you rather be selfish and keep yourself Human at Armin's sacrifice? Or will you do all that you can to protect our sorry race?"

He followed the swing of his necklace.

"Let me ask you another question, Jean: are you going to follow the dead or lead the living?"

His eyes locked onto Erwin's. It was impossible to know what was going on behind those cold, blue discs. 

No...cold was the wrong word. It wasn't a fair choice to describe his Commander. 

Jean's heart hammered against his chest once again. If he wasn't careful then maybe one day he would reach for his chest and it wouldn't be for the necklace. It was as if the world was starting to tip under his feet. He was standing on the edge of something and the fog of time obscured what was on the other side. And hindsight would only guide him after taking the plunge. 

"...I won't allow for Armin to give up anymore of his humanity, sir."

He loosened his grip on the necklace. It dropped a stomach-lurching six inches before Erwin caught it with a jerk of the chain. The bone and glass was spinning a frenzy in the night air. "And my other question?" 

Jean let out a "tch." 

"We're Scouts. We're all dead men walking." He put his gaze back on the Commander. "How much time do you think you have left, sir? You're trying to get two fifteen year-old boys to compete against one another for your spot."

Erwin frowned. "It is not a competition, Jean. And I know for a fact you don't truly feel that way about the Scouts."

The boy's face flushed. He folded his arms, shame uncoiling itself in the pit of his gut.

"You made the conscience decision to join the Scouts. You're the one who led the chase after Krista. Don't tell me that was all a facade, was it?"

"Of course not! But you can't expect me to decide right here and now to say 'Oh, sure, I'll lead Humanity's only hope yet greatly despised group! It'll be a grand!' So far the only two decisions I've made that you've listed are the only two good ones. And that's debatable considering how Connie's injured--possibly for life--Krista got snagged, Eren's...fuck if I know with him. Hannes is dead, so I'm sure I'll be in the golden three's good graces--"

"Jean. Stop."

He did.

"You are not responsible for any of that. _I'm_ responsible for that. The only thing you can be held accountable for was mobilizing your friends--and it's good that you did. Beyond that, those deaths, injuries, missing...all of it is on _my_ hands. Not yours."

"Those are still the only two successes! All the other decisions I made, like in Trost where...people died! I took advantage of that! And yet Marco says because of me he lived. I don't see him alive any more, sir! Do you think he still believed that when Annie tore him in half!?"

The Commander lowered the hand that held Marco. 

Jean found his own hands were shaking. He folded his arms across his chest. It'd be a lie to say the pose didn't resemble someone trying to hug himself. 

Erwin placed a hand on his shoulder again. It didn't move this time. "You need to do a better job at hiding your emotions. You give them too much free reign and almost everyone can tell what you're thinking. Some Scouts told me you had a...strong reaction to some news earlier?"

His face went red.

"That's what I'm talking about. This climb is a perilous one and you've done a good job so far, Jean. Striving on despite believing you're why Connie is injured and Krista is gone. Or that Eren got away from us. But you can fall. So could Armin."

Jean let his hands fall to his sides. He balled his fists. "I refuse to watch what's happened to you happen to Armin." He squared his shoulders. "I'll fall, but not in the way that's failure--I'll take the fall for Armin."

There was the ghost of a smile on Erwin's face. "Very well then." He brought up the necklace again. "I don't want to see you wearing this ever again, Jean. Hide it. Keep it safe. Mourn in private, never in public. You will be hated for it and it does not come easy--especially with someone as volatile as you. But it will become necessary."

The boy stared. Had he...done it? Was it really that easy? Jean reached for it to only have it be yanked away.

"There are more trials to come. You may even change your mind. Armin may provide a better argument. Because of this, I will keep this necklace until my decision has been made."

Jean stared. "What--"

"You may want to keep Armin safe, but what if he wants to keep you safe? What if he's thinking the exact same thing?"

Jean's hand dropped. 

"Think of this as a form of special training, Jean. You need to keep your emotions in check and go about without public weakness. Leadership isn't just about keeping your friends and scouts alive or feeling relentless guilt when you fail in that. You have to create a public persona and hope you don't become it behind closed doors."

Well duh. He knew that. ...Hadn't he? Marco had seen a side of him nobody else knew of. It hadn't surfaced ever since his death. Perhaps it died with him.

Erwin slipped the necklace into the pocket at his heart. "If you are truly set on keeping Armin's psyche safe and everyone alive, you may find that the two cannot coexist. Contemplate that, Jean." He turned back towards the barracks. "And think about what I've asked you."

Jean watched him, his feet refusing to move.

"By the way, the stronger tea is located on the lower shelf by the stove." Erwin called out. "Try not to burn the kitchen down."

Wouldn't that be a grand finale, the Scout mused. 

He reached for his vacant chest. At last Jean's feet moved and he began to follow his Commander. _Will you follow the dead or lead the living?_

The question was floating back into his mind and he wondered if he was already answering it.


	12. cluster a: pre-five

Levi could hear Erwin's breathing. He wasn't sure if the sound was something he wanted much closer or farther away. His eyes drifted to the cravat and jar of hair ties. The hand sewn patch rested on Petra's notebook. _Exhale_. God how he hated the sound. Something dark slithered into his thoughts, wishing for nothing more than that sound to stop and never start. Levi rolled onto his back spread his arms. _Inhale._ What a lonely bed. This was the life they signed up for. They were the wings of freedom. _Exhale._ Yet here they were, locked in with their emotions. Levi glared at the figure on the couch. 

The thing slithered its way further down, towards his heart. _Inhale._ Levi was a fool to think his squad was both exempt and immortal. But they were _his_ squad. They were the best of the best. _Exhale._ And he took them from Levi. Or maybe it was Annie. Perhaps the cruelest of fates. But the sickening thing wrapping around his heart said it was Erwin. Every beat, it pulsated the name through Levi's veins. _Inhale._ How could this have been allowed? If only he had disobeyed him...but instead Levi trusted him. Of course he did. The man was his Commander and then some. 

_Exhale._

Levi couldn't take it. He had to get out of here, even if it was just a brief patrol down the halls. His pants were neatly folded on the chair next to his bed, where his cane also rested. It wouldn't be any trouble at all to get dressed without making a sound. Even with the stupid leg injury.

_Inhale._ Levi carefully moved his cane, running his fingers along the four notches he put in. Somebody had suggested he fill it with a different colored wood. _Exhale._ Levi ignored the suggestion. Something felt horribly wrong about filling the gaps. He was sure to make them just enough to be obvious, but not completely destroy the integrity of the cane.

“M'sorry...”

Levi froze.

Erwin's arm slid off the couch. “Maya. Nasira." He groaned. "Auruo...Erd, Gunther..Petra...” he rolled over. If he stayed like that, the thing would fall asleep. Maybe even fall off. Though he didn't smell of scotch...

" _Mike._ "

Levi clenched his jaw.

“Please,” Erwin slurred. “This wasn't supposed to...”

The cane fell with a loud clatter against the stone floor. 

Erwin bolted up.

Their eyes were probably locked. Erwin's face was mostly hidden in the shadows, aside from one of his cheeks and cracked lips.

“I was gonna take a piss.” Levi said, breaking the contact, looking for his cane.

“Judging by your expression, you wouldn't have to get up for that now.” Erwin's shoulders didn't relax. “...And you never get up for the bathroom at night. That's why you're the one by the wall.”

Levi glared at his feet.

Erwin shifted, setting one foot on the ground, the other folded and on the couch. Most people at their age would find such positions uncomfortable. But not the Scouts. They were limber and flexible to the end.

“So why are you awake?”

“I couldn't sleep,” Levi answered. “Your stupid breathing was keeping me up.” He found the statement was a double-edged sword. The old days had been different and Levi missed them more than he wanted to admit at the moment.

Erwin didn't reply right away. “If you would like, somebody else could be in here instead. Hanji wouldn't say a thing, and nobody would dare imply anything between you two.”

Levi gripped his sheets with one hand and leaned over for the other, retrieving his cane. The sleeve bunched under his long fingers. The impulse to tear it off passed as quickly as it came.

He stood the cane up and rested his hands on it. 

“No,” Levi said at last. “Don't do that.”

Erwin's shoulders slackened. “If that's what you want.”

He lazily rose a brow. “You want me to kick you out?”

“I admit, eventually the couch will take its toll on me.” He shrugged. “But it's a minor thing, ultimately.” 

Levi could feel the man's gaze on him. There was suddenly more light in the room. The clouds must have parted, moonlight was spilling in. Hesitantly, Levi looked up.

Whatever hate was wrapped around his heart snapped. He wondered if it made a sound, because something in Erwin's eyes changed.

“If you hate me--”

“Stop.”

Erwin did. His eyes drifted to the nightstand.

Levi's forehead rested on his knuckles. “They were my squad.” There was no rage, there was no venom. Only exhaustion.

The Commander didn't say 'I know.' Instead, he moved again. 

Levi looked up. He still had one hairy leg sticking out, the other tucked under him. His hands were now in his lap, and he was staring at them.

“Useless things,” Erwin muttered. He looked up at Levi. “You were going to go for a walk to be alone for a bit, weren't you?”

“...Yes.”

Erwin gave him a tired smile. “That's not safe. I think Moblit's on his patrol.” He stood, his night shirt barely long enough. 

Levi watched him grab his trousers and then his boots. “Your door will be guarded. This is your room, you shouldn't have to leave it.” Erwin leaned against the couch, pulling the boots on. “Unless you rather leave. I won't tell you what to do tonight.”

The Corporal felt many things at once. The hands that held the cane shook, creating a sound that was similar to teeth chattering. “If...you want to walk and make yourself a target, I won't stop you.” He said at last. His heart pounded. Yet how difficult it was to say this man could walk to his death. “But I rather you not.” He looked back at his nightstand. “...You are your own man.” 

Erwin was adjusting his bolo tie, that much he could see with his peripherals. His steps were soft as they carried him to the door.

“Wipe your shoes before coming back,” Levi grumbled.


	13. cluster b | concurrent to five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to the Feelsy for going over this. I will be honest--this cluster was difficult to write. But it's done with and is now up for all ya'll awesome readers! :D

They all sat in a circle. It was a familiar scene, though the book was missing in this one. And it was a much smaller circle too. Eren scowled at the empty space in the center. The chances of falling asleep on the cart were high and that did not sit well with him. His fingers dug into his knees.

"So..." Mick looked at Armin. "Are we gonna go over this without Jean?" He kept his voice low.

Seana craned her neck to look at the door. ...As if sparing another glance would summon that jerk back.

Armin nodded. "He already knows."

Sasha was playing with the journal she had been issued. "So...what's our battle plan?"

Armin rolled his shoulders back. Eren noticed the change immediately. He wasn't as timid any more. Eren studied his friends features. The young man looked the same but was holding himself differently. Maybe this was a good thing--maybe it wasn't. His best friend and that other guy he pretended to hate were on the chopping block now. Or could be. But Erwin wasn't going to do anything to get himself killed, right? Armin and Jean were too young to lead the Scouts. There had been a close call out on the field--Erwin almost got eaten and Jean narrowly missed a nasty concussion.

But that was all luck, not skill. Eren knew how much skill they had, but he had no idea what the reserves on luck were.

"Mick, you, Jean and Eren will walk to the infirmary."

"Me?" 

Eren glanced at him. Mick was one of their stranger members, to put it simply. But that was the pot calling the kettle black, Eren knew. He hated that cliched statement, especially whenever Armin or Mikasa used it on him as he complained about Jean. But despite their weirdness, Mick and Seana had exceptional skills on the field. ...Yet they weren't in the top ten. He remembered Ymir once tittering about how they were too absorbed in each other to score high enough.

"Yes." Armin then looked at Eren. "You're to go to the infirmary and stay there. Later you'll be taken onto a cart for the injured and sit with Connie. You, like the others, will be covered up. After that," he was looking from each person in their little circle. "We're to stay close to the cart with Eren--except for you, Mikasa."

"What?" Mikasa's eyes widened. She could never look at Armin with hate or speak to him with vitriol. Somewhere deep down Eren was grateful. That was something that he felt would be necessary in the future.

Where that thought came from, Eren did not know.

"You have to stay next to Jean on the cart with Corporal Levi, Hanji, and Pastor Nick. It'll--"

"--add to the obfuscation of Eren's identity." Mikasa finished. Her tone was flat.

Armin nodded.

"How far will our carts be?"

"Not too far, I don't think. We're keeping the injured towards the center."

Mikasa seemed satisfied enough. 

But Eren knew that look. He suppressed an irritated sigh and looked back at Armin.

"So we'll just be sitting on our horses, tramping back to HQ?" Seana asked. She hugged her knees. Mick mimicked the motion.

"Yes. And we have to make sure the MP does not catch wind of any of this."

"No need to tell me twice," Mick muttered. Did he look offended?

Sasha looked down. "...I know we swore to keep having Eren a secret, but this is just...bad." Her eyes were on Connie's empty bed. "Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner lied to us. Now we are lying to the King."

"You were never fond of the king, Sasha," Mikasa interjected. "And--"

"I'm not planning on going back on my word," Sasha glared. "But this is quite the sorry state of affairs if we must lie to our superiors." Her shoulders sagged. "...I apologize, Mikasa, I did not mean to interrupt."

For a moment, Mikasa looked stunned. Her features softened. "I wasn't going to accuse you of that. It's different with the three who betrayed us and the King--they were closer to us."

Eren dug his fingers into his knees again. They had been closer. Past tense. So long as Eren breathed, they were now dead folk walking. He looked at the ones he sat with--they had all been hurt by this revelation. His blood began to boil. Sasha wouldn't have to have left her family if the attack never occurred. Armin would still have his grandfather and Marco would still be alive. As would Levi's Squad and Erwin wouldn't even have to be under the strain of potential death by Human hands--

"Hey, you there with us, buddy?" Mick was leaning forward, tapping his shoulder.

Eren blinked. "Sorry!" He shook his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean to zone out..."

Despite Armin's poker face, Eren saw that spark of warmth. "It's pretty late. Don't worry." He looked at the blank spot in the floor. "But that's pretty much it. Just stay low. Don't draw attention to yourselves."

"How long's the trip back to HQ, again?" Seana asked.

"It should only be a couple hours. Senior Scouts will be making sure no Titans show up. We'll be moderately safe for once." Armin closed his eyes and massaged the small of his back. "We obviously don't need to discuss what'll happen if it all goes wrong."

Eren felt himself go pale. Armin's words to Bertlholdt flashed through his mind. He could already smell the burning flesh. The idea of the hot pokers boring into his joints, twisting and turning caused bile to rise in his throat.

Armin rested his hands in his lap. "So we need to make sure this goes smoothly. If the Military Police starts to get too close to the cart, tell them to back off. The injured are stressed enough."

"What's up, Mick?" Seana asked suddenly. They had such an eery connection.

"That cart's gonna be full of genuinely injured, right?"

"Yes," Armin said slowly. "Why?"

"Well, remember how back in the days of training, when they were real tough days, you'd read from your book? Maybe if you tell them some that you can remember." His eyes were wide and honest.

Sasha nodded in agreement. "That's a good idea."

"Are you two just saying that cuz you wanna hear Armin's stories again?" Seana looked between them. She then raised her hand. "Count me in. I know this is one real bad situation, but...maybe a callback to less terrifying times would be nice?"

Eren couldn't help but agree--as childish as the suggestion was...it sounded nice. "But Mikasa will miss out." The words tumbled out.

"I can hear well."

"What about poor Jeany?" Mick pouted.

Oh, gross. "...I'm sure he'll hear it too." Eren had to admit, he didn't hate the guy. But really, he didn't want to imagine anybody lusting after him. Too much for his mind.

"So it's settled." Armin straightened up, ready to stand. "Mick, when Jean gets back, you can take Eren to the infirmary. After that, we continue as if nothing happened and, uh, I guess I'll decide on some stories to share." He hopped to his feet.

Eren felt as if something shifted. It was the slightest of sensations, but he felt all of it. The ground tilted and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He winced as he stood, blood rushing from his head.

"Aie!" Sasha's hands flew to her mouth.

"What is it?" Armin's hands reached for blades he didn't have.

"I...I'm sorry," she shook her head. "Just one of those random shivers you get, right?" Sasha let out a nervous laugh. "That's all."

Mikasa frowned. She opened her mouth to respond but winced instead, rubbing her leg.

Eren felt a surge of panic, but why he didn't know. "Hey, are you--"

"It just fell asleep is all."

There was an awkward silence, save for Deiter's snoring.

"...Hey, um, actually, if Jean can be out, can Mick and I go for a walk?" Seana asked suddenly. She looked antsy.

"I don't see why not, you won't be alone." Armin began. "But...try to keep it short and not be up to anything too, er, time consuming."

Mick let out a laugh. "Just a walk, honest." He linked arms with Seana and, just like that, they were gone.

Mikasa was done massaging her leg. "Sasha, I would rather stay here. If you want to return to--"

The Scout shook her head. "No, I want to stay here! I don't want any of us to be separated any more."

Eren looked between the three. Too few were left. "Sasha," he said. "I'm not going to let that happen. We won't lose any more people, got it? Connie will be back soon and Jean'll be stuck with us, whether he likes it or not, got it?"

The corners of her mouth twitched. "Right." She nodded. "Yah!" Her smile widened, but her eyes didn't match.

Eren's limbs felt heavy. He tried. That was all he ever did and it sucked.


	14. cluster c : post ???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mixing it up a bit! I don't know when the next update will be because the homework load has not lessened and NaNo starts in a handful of hours. Hope you all enjoy this and may your Halloween be safe and fun!
> 
> ((And as the story develops more tags and notes will likely accumulate in the summary box))

Reiner almost tripped over his own feet as he ran forward. "Bertholdt!" He yelled out.

Bertl looked up from the vegetable patch he was tending. "What is it?" His eyes were wide with worry. There was still a chance their village was going to send them back out--permanently this time. Perhaps their time had finally come.

"Annie!" Reiner gasped, hands on his knees. "Annie's back!" He grinned. "And she's ali--"

"What?!" Bertl dropped the basket of turnips. 

The blonde nodded rapidly. "And--and she has somebody with her." Reiner grabbed Bertl's hand. He tugged--well more like yanked, considering his size. "I don't know who it is, but maybe it's Eren. She may have just saved us!"

There was quite a clash of emotions in Bertholdt's head. He wrapped his fingers around Reiner's hand, letting himself get dragged along. Annie was back. This was good, needless to say. But how and why? Perhaps the guards made the mistake of turning their backs on her. He hoped so--may they have all died horrible, miserable deaths.

"Bertl--your grip."

"Sorry!" He relaxed his hand, unaware he had been hurting Reiner. "Really, I am. ...Wait, how is Annie!? Did she mention what they did to her?"

Reiner shook his head. "No. All I know is she's back. I don't know if we can visit her or the person she brought with her. But she's exhausted. Her father's watching over her right now."

"Do you really think she brought Eren?"

Reiner shrugged. "Hopefully? I mean...thanks to us bringing Ymir and Krista...we're mostly off the hook."

" _Mostly_ \--they haven't gone through the Induction yet." 

"You mean Krista hasn't. Ymir shouldn't." Reiner massaged the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "It'll take a while..."

Bertholdt gave Reiner's hand a gentle squeeze. Their classmate had adapted well to the village life. Not that he ever doubted she'd fear hard work or collapse in fear. On the contrary, Bertholdt was more worried she'd lash out and fight to the death upon separating her from Ymir. The little goddess was not a force to say no to. He rubbed his jaw at the memory.

Reiner snorted. "Who'da thought that adorable girl could hurt you?"

"She didn't mean to--it was my fault for not explaining what they were going to do to Ymir. ...And she apologized afterward."

"Guess that shows us what would happen if we tried to separate them every again."

"Do you think she'll feel less isolated when we find out who's been brought along?" Why Bertholdt was suddenly concerned, he didn't know. He was quick to squash those feelings and focus on Reiner.

Reiner stopped walking. "...I don't know. I'm not sure who I want it to be, actually." He looked away from Bertholdt. "I...shouldn't care, should I?"

He opened his mouth and then closed it. Bertholdt tried again, but his mouth went dry.

"You don't need to answer if you don't want to," sighed Reiner.

Bertholdt placed a hand on his shoulder. "We're home." He finally said. "That's all that matters."

"Yah..." Reiner managed a nod. "Guess so." He looked ahead. "I still wonder who it was."

"The Commander?" His heart began to race.

"No." Reiner shook his head. "Definitely not him. Judging by the tone--and noun choice--a young person."

Try as he might, Bertholdt wasn't able to get Reiner to speak to him in their native tongue. He was slow to adapt, still. But the elders told the him one that was okay. They needed time to adjust. Bertholdt found that odd and disturbing. It was a too merciful piece of advice. Though it was one of the kinder elders who said this. In fact, no matter how Bertl looked at it, it was too nice. They were warriors--they had to tough it out. If they were being welcomed back without scorn due to their failure, then he should have been told to try harder. The other option was to be kicked out--but even then, allowing them a soft return was like keeping them at bay, so the banishment wouldn't hurt as much.

"If not Eren, maybe Jean?" Said Reiner, resuming their walk.

"Possibly?" Bertholdt slouched. "What good would he be, though? Aside from a good speech on the gallows."

"Well maybe Levi. He looks way younger than he is."

"Or Armin. Let's hope she didn't bring back Mikasa..."

"I'll tell you this," Reiner lowered his voice. "I hope she brought back Armin."

Bertoldt spun around. "Why?!" He could feel his blood boiling again. "I don't know if you saw it, but _I_ saw his smile when he told us about Annie!" His mouth twisted into something vicious. "He could die! Like I said, they could _all_ die for all I care!" He bared his teeth. "You know what? I don't think I care about who she brought back. They'll be dead by tomorrow anyway unless they can prove them-self useful. And you know what? Nobody in that class would be willing to do that. They'd rather die than betray humanity."

Reiner stared, mouth agape. "...Bertholdt--he was your friend--"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry." The young warrior let out a heavy sigh. "I know you like them. I did too. But right now, all I care about is seeing Annie. The rest...I really never want to see again."

And try as he might, his reasoning was not out of hate.


	15. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW THEN. Almost a month with no update. I'm quite sorry about that! Things really got hectic and just damn. 
> 
> Anyway! A note about canon-divergence and head canon stuff: I will be incorporating the revelations of the manga into the story as best I can. This thing was mapped out from start to finish before I started writing it. The official, final outline was completed before the third cluster piece was posted. Believe it or not, this is the trimmed version. Because of this there is very little wiggle room for me to alter it any further due to the story's strict structure (ie, Erwin's POV, Jean's POV then 3 clusters). 
> 
> That aside...thank you all SO much for waiting. I hope you enjoy! And once break comes up the updates oughtta be a bit more frequent again. This sorta got spat out in a day because...I had a rare chance at time and refused to let go woops. also Pixis is a pain to write.
> 
> Enough of my blathering. Please enjoy and thanks again for your patience.

The satchel bounced with each step. Erwin could have tuned out each thump against his thigh if he wanted to. But he didn't. In the coarse, hemp bag were two precious things--Mike's journal and Armin's book. 

He scanned the surroundings--no flares. Just expanses of green hills and the occasional tree.

"Linda, take the lead temporarily," he said. "I need to see how the injured are doing."

"Yes, sir."

Erwin tugged on the reigns, turning his horse to the left. The wounded--which there was plenty off--had been placed at the very center of the formation. They were almost at the halfway point of the journey, so Erwin figured it was wise to check on them. The first cart he passed contained Charles, who was being doted on by Deiter. The other injured had been tended to by the Scout, but it was clear who his attention was honing in on.. 

"How are things, Deiter?"

The young man frowned. He glanced at his fellow Scouts, of whom were sliding in and out of consciousness. "They're accepting water at least," Deiter said at last. "That's it."

"It's all they can have until we reach HQ. You're doing good." Erwin bowed his head. "Thank you for volunteering to be on a cart."

Deiter went back to dabbing Charles' brow. "Yah,” he mumbled.

"Keep up the good work." Erwin tapped his horse with his heels, signaling it to turn around and move further back. 

He got closer to Eren's cart, but had a good few more to check on. Armin's voice was carrying, the Commander noted.

"...a young man to rule in his stead. Unfortunately this man had an enemy..."

Ahh. That made sense, then. When out patrolling the grounds of the new recruits he had overheard the tales Armin told. Especially in their first week, when everyone was nervous. The familiarity now must have been just as nice as it had been then.

It was more or less the same at each cart. A Scout tending to the less severely injured and a medic to the ones not so likely to survive. Erwin looked over the faces he had memorized. Some of them were from the 104th, others had been with him for a long while now. The only difference with this transport was there wasn't the rotting stink of the dead. Those remains were already on their way to the families or whomever the Scout had listed in their will. The only corpse—or pieces—on its way back was Mike. 

Erwin neared the two most valuable carts. Armin was much easier to hear now.

“He ordered the young man work and live with his enemy for three years, for if he truly was meant to rule...”

The Commander felt something akin to a smile. Whatever story it was that Armin was telling, it seemed to be having the desired effect. The Scouts around him looked less tense. Alert, but not as nervous. 

He stopped just behind the cart with Eren, Connie and a couple other Scouts—Natalie and Gregory. 

Connie was propped up, leaning against some folded sleeping mats. Eren was dozing at his side, face hidden by the hood and Connie's protective arm. Natalie and Gregory were also sleeping, opposite to them. It looked like Natalie had found a comfortable way to sleep despite the broken ulna and cracked ribs. Gregory on the other hand was not sleeping peacefully at all. Erwin took note of that. There was a chance his injuries were worse or something was starting to fester.

“I hope you don't mind me interrupting your listening of Armin's story,” Erwin said. He spoke quietly as to not wake the others and to avoid talking over Armin for everyone else.  
“N-no, not at all!” Connie tried to hide the pain of shifting where he sat.

Erwin held up a hand. “Please, Connie, you don't need to move.” 

The boy frowned. “I wouldn't be able to salute if I wanted to, sir,” he mumbled. Connie nodded to Eren. “I don't know how, but he managed to fall asleep at some point. Maybe he's heard this story a dozen times before.”

“You're not in pain sitting with him like that, are you?”

Connie shook his head. “Kinda just happened, too. We were sitting next to each other and he started to doze.” He glanced at the cart in front of them—the Pastor wasn't looking at them. His attention was going back and forth between Levi and Mikasa. Perhaps his corporal would have something interesting to tell him about once somewhere private.

“His hood was starting to slide off,” Connie continued in just above a whisper. “I was able to fix that, but he kinda face-planted my armpit when I fixed it. Got too painful to try and move him and then Natalie pointed out this was the best way to hide his face.”

Erwin suspected this was the kind of pride a father felt.

“The only thing that's really awkward is this is how a hard day's work would end back home.” Connie swallowed. Either he realized he was starting to ramble or there was a point to this. Erwin didn't mind either option. He remained quiet so his Scout could speak. “All my brothers and sisters used me as the pillow. It's just...weird cuz his hair reminds me a bit of my youngest brother, Milo. Not the same color, but just as mussed.”

The Commander granted a slow nod. He gave Connie another look over. The boy looked utterly drained. There were bags under his eyes and his lips were chapped. On the bright side, the black eye was on its way to recovering. 

“Anyway...didn't mean to waste your time like that. Thanks for listening, sir.”

Erwin shook his head. “You didn't waste my time, Scout. I'm here to check on each of you.” He glanced at the water skin in Connie's hand. “I hope you won't feel like you're wasting the time of your squad mates by requesting more water?”

The boy snorted. “Even if I did, I wouldn't have a choice.” He smiled. “Sasha's been pretty good at making sure we're hydrated and not rotting where we sit.”

Erwin returned the smile. “I'm glad to hear. Well then, I'll leave you to enjoy the rest of Armin's story collection.”

“Thank you, sir.” Connie tilted his head back but didn't close his eyes. He stared at the sky, eyes too haunted for someone his age.

And that was how Erwin left him. There wasn't much else he could do at the moment, a cold fact he had come to terms with years ago. Now he was to focus on another matter—what was going on on the cart with Pastor Nick.

“Ah, Commander!” Hanji gave a stiff wave. “I was worried you had gotten lost or perhaps were kidnapped by the Military Police.” 

“I can't imagine what they'd want with me,” the man said. He looked to see Mikasa was filling her role quiet well—a hand was on Jean's back and she looked ready to pounce anyone who got too close. His gaze moved to the pastor.

The holy man was quick to look away. 

He looked back at Hanji. “Though I'm offended you'd think I would get lost on the way back home.”

She managed a smile. “I remember our training days, Erwin. You got lost plenty of times.” Hanji pushed her glasses back up. “It's just that I've finished reading all my notes on Titan decay and digestion yet we still aren't there yet. I've even made some new notes!”

Levi reached across the pastor with his cane and nudged her knee. “It only feels like forever because we're not letting you blabber on about your new ideas.”

Hanji pouted. “Look at this, he's tormenting me.”

The little corporal was not at all graceful with pulling his cane back. He elbowed the man in the gut as he turned to look at Erwin. “What's the ETA?”

“I would say another hour.”

“Very well then.” Levi's attention was back on the Pastor. “See? You got another hour with us. What a disappointment, huh? If only it was more...”

Erwin didn't think it was possible for the man to get any paler, but he certainly did. Hopefully that meant he was starting to lose his resolve. 

The Commander decided to return to his original place in the formation. All of his Scouts were where they should be. When he got back to his spot, he looked to his left. 

“Sir?” Doctor Lyn rose a brow.

“Would you be able to take a look at Gregory? Either his injuries are worse or something's beginning to fester.”

Her eyes widened. “I'll go take a look now, if you don't mind.”

“Be careful. He's on the same cart as our more “delicate” Scouts.”

“Understood.” She tugged at the reigns, heading for the cart at a canter.

For the rest of the trip, Erwin neither strayed from his place and said little. His only utterances were in response to Dr. Lyne, who confirmed Gregory's injuries had worsened. They would be manageable, which was Erwin was glad to hear and all the more grateful it wasn't an infection.

To the Commander's pleasant surprise, their head quarters had not been vandalized in anyway. In fact, it looked cleaner than when they last left it. Perhaps not to the standard Levi would approve of, but it would take a significantly smaller amount of time to bring it to such a level.

An even better surprise was who greeted them—Pixis.

“Good to see you here, Commander,” the older man said.

“I could say the same.” Erwin hopped off his horse. “What brings you here?”

“There had been an order for some vine and I wanted to see to it myself that such a fine treasure was delivered safely.” His smirk fell. “And I didn't think it'd be proper to leave the muck behind some angry townsfolk threw.”

Erwin felt himself deflate. But, as always, he kept his face calm and cool. “I see.”

Pixis frowned. “I also came here to personally see you off before heading out. The Military Police is lagging a bit, their numbers are thin and the King is rather weary about sending them out again. Fortunately I have more than enough enough to return people to their villages and keep a minimal guard about each place. I have ordered them to return here once it has been confirmed there are absolutely no Titans.” He kept his eyes on Erwin. “If that is all right with you, of course. It'll only be to have a common return point. The only ones who would stay are the ones you'd like to for extra hands.” Pixis frowned. “...Because you look like you need it.”

“Thank you, Pixis.” Erwin made sure he didn't sound as weary as he apparently looked. “That might be appreciated.” He pulled his horse forward, allowing the others to get by. “If you don't mind, I would like to see your five most loyal members later. Right now I need my injured to be situated in the infirmary and the uninjured to at least set up in their barracks. A basic form of normalcy would be best for them.”

Pixis nodded. “I pulled some strings—your medical supplies have been restocked. From bandages and sponges to antibiotics. There's enough in there for twice the Legion's numbers.”

Erwin could have hugged the man. Instead, he chose to continue their conversation. “Speaking of normalcy, how upset is the rest of the populace with us?”

“Well...it only took half a day to clean the place up, so I'd say it could be worse.”

Lovely.

“And you do have a few hours to rest up. The Military Police was still trying to figure out who would be sent out to keep an eye on you and your people for the next few days. Dawk's going to be with them, by the way.”

“I figured as much. Anything else I should be warned about?” How delightful, the MP was going to be breathing down their necks. “And any particular reason as to why we'd be guarded by the MP of all people?”

“The King wasn't too pleased with their...incompetence out on the field. At the same time he wants to be surrounded, but the people aren't having it. So he's decided to make it look like your lot needs help and is sending who he thinks are his best.” Pixis pulled out his flask. He held it out to Erwin. “It's just strong tea, but works well enough if you pretend.”

Erwin shook his head. “No, but thank you for that as well. It would be safe to assume the real reason is to watch over some rather...valuable assets we have?”

“Don't be surprised if Dawk makes a show of it. Annie was his after all.”

Erwin wanted to know if Dawk even remembered her name or if he had to look it up. He bit back the snide remark and realized he really was tired. “I'll keep that in mind. Well then, thank you, Pixis. Do you think you could come by again tomorrow? There's much to plan and I'd rather you stay the night. But I imagine the King wants you in his presence as soon as possible?”

“Most likely. I'll be stationing my most talented at one of the nearby training forts, though. If anything happens in the next few hours, which is unlikely but possible, we're a flare's shot away. As for tomorrow, let's hope for the afternoon but plan for the evening.”

“Very well. Thank you for all your help, Pixis. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have much to do.” 

Before he could take a step past Pixis, the older put a hand on Erwin's shoulder. “Erwin, I wasn't joking about you needing rest.” He removed his hand. “I'll see you sometime tomorrow.” Pixis turned, heading for the cart that held Hanji and Levi.

The Military Police was indeed late—this mean there was still time to move freely. Erwin's orders for sleep could wait. All he had to do was see to it that Eren was properly hidden in the infirmary and discuss a quick plan with Hanji and Levi. For once luck was on their side. More so if they could come up with something less flimsy than 'Oh, yah, we found Eren injured on the field after the chaos.'

But luck rarely stayed with them, so Erwin was going to have to settle for that excuse. 

“We have a damn nice room for you, Pastor.” He heard Levi say as Erwin made his way to the cart.

“Careful,” Sasha said to Seana. They were lifting Connie out of the cart with little difficulty. By now Eren had untangled himself and was staring glumly at Connie.

“Armin told me not to help,” he muttered as Erwin neared.

“You are supposed to be injured.”

Eren's lips pulled back in a grimace. “I know.”

“So let me help with that facade,” Mick said. He was holding a stretcher, which the two girls were setting Connie on. “They'll take this stretcher and then me 'n Armin can take you on another one.”

Eren's disdain for the suggestion was obvious. “...Yah,” he said anyway, defeated. “Just get Natalie and Gregory onto stretchers first, okay?”

“I can walk.” Natalie winced, pulling herself upright. “Gregory can't.” She looked at Erwin. “Hello, Commander. Forgive me for not saluting.”

“Unnecessary. I should be saluting you—all of you for your work.” 

The responses were solemn but showed they appreciated his words. Sasha bowed her head. Armin stood up straighter and Seana gave a tight smile.

All ready they were setting up their own system. Every batch did. Mike's personal favorite was to huff the hair out of his face.

Erwin pushed the memory away. He stepped aside to allow Gregory to be moved onto a stretcher.

“Stay hidden in the infirmary. I know this will be asking a lot of you, but we need you to stay with the heavily wounded for now.”

Eren's eyes, normally lit with some inhuman rage, were dull. He glanced around. “Will I be allowed to roam around? Can I at least keep Connie company?”

He hadn't been expecting that request. From what Erwin gathered, the two didn't talk much. Connie seemed to keep close to Sasha, Reiner and Jean—and Jean kept his distance from Eren. But it was a request he could possibly grant.

“For a short bit. The Military Police will be here anywhere from a couple hours to maybe even sunset. When they arrive, you will have to remain put for at least a few hours. I'll send for somebody to let you know when it's safe to move around.” He paused. “...But if you want to help the nurses, by all means, you may.”

Eren nodded. “Thank you, sir.” 

“You're welcome. Hopefully you can even be let outside again.” He put a hand on Eren's shoulder. “I'm not letting them take you away from us, is that clear?”

The boy stared at him. “Y-yes.”

“Good.” Erwin pulled his hand back. “If time permits, I will check on you myself.”

“Right.”

Erwin turned away and made his way for the headquarters. There was so much to plan for now. Like the impending trial. The original one had been delayed thanks to the skirmish with Annie in Sina. It wasn't likely the Royals were going to let that one go. Especially because Erwin's hands were now stained in the blood of the Military Police. It would have been perfectly fine if it was only his Scouts he slaughtered.

They were supposed to all be in this together. Humanity as a whole. Instead of having just Walls around their homes, they had them around their hearts too. It felt like only the Scouts and half the Garrison had any interest in saving their sorry race. Well, hopefully that was all it was—a sickening feeling and not a gut-wrenching truth.

Erwin nodded to the members of the Garrison he passed as he made his way across the courtyard. They did a wonderful job. Erwin never would have guessed their home had been trashed in his absence. From what Erwin had seen of Rico, there would probably be a detailed list of what disrespects had been done to the place. Whether or not it would be in his office or room, Erwin would find out soon enough.

He mentally groaned. Speaking of his room...

Somebody was going to have to help him move a couch into Levi's room. Mike helped last time. Hanji was too injured and Nanaba was definitely dead. Well then maybe he'd just have to have a cot brought in for Hanji. As for who Erwin would room with, he didn't care at this point. A member of the Garrison could just stand guard. In fact, that may ultimately be the better option. There had been no Titan sightings whatsoever and no reports from Pixis. Perhaps they were free to move about without their gear.

Except that was political suicide. Their home was about to be crawling with the Military and nothing of that sat well with Erwin. If the public was so angry with them, then appearing lackidasical after the latest string would not bode well. Perhaps it would be best to accept Pixis' offer, but keep his Scouts on guard anyway. ...And perhaps he was going to have Levi and Hanji guarded by at least two of their Scouts. As much as Erwin detested cliched statements, keeping all their eggs in one basket didn't feel safe. Or it didn't seem like a good idea to have two injured officers in the same room day in and day out. 

Erwin hit the wall of the hallway. Nobody was around to see the embarrassing slip up.

He didn't want to take a nap.

Oh, how funny this was. The man with bloodstained hands and a condemned space where his heart used to be...was acting like a child.

But he really, really didn't want to sleep. Erwin knew he needed it, as a fog in his brain was starting to form. 

Erwin glanced at his breast pocket. He almost felt guilty about subjecting Jean through these trials. 

Almost.

He opened the door to his room.

Or what he thought was his room.

By the grace of whatever merciless powers, Erwin really did need that shut eye. This was Levi's room, not his. 

The Commander massaged the bridge of his nose and clutched the knob with his free hand. Okay. He was going to take a calm step back, close the door and head for his room. There he would either find Rico's report or nothing. And then he was going to write down some instructions and back up plans, of which he would hand to Levi and then Hanji. After that he would visit the infirmary and then unpack his things. The most vital of items were still in the satchel at his side. After that was taken care of, Erwin was going to deal with whatever Dawk had to say and snarklessly accept the court order. And then perhaps Erwin could read it instead of having lunch because by now his stomach was so twisted the mere thought of food bout with tax-payer money was making him nauseous.

“I'm bored with staring at your ass. Mind moving?”

Erwin spun around, looking down to see a miffed Levi.

“Sorry, I--”

Levi jabbed just past Erwin's waist. “Go. You're exhausted.”

Erwin stepped aside to head for his room. He almost let out a curse when the cane collided with his arm.

“Shit—sorry.” Levi hooked it around Erwin's arm. “No. You move too fast for an oaf.” He tugged and nodded to his room. “I have a bed there and it's clean. Yours is probably dusty and gross as hell.”

Erwin's thick eyebrows knitted together. “What--”

“I'm saying take a nap.” Levi began to move for his room, dragging Erwin along with him.

Erwin was too stunned to fight back. He numbly followed Levi and stopped by the bed.

It took him an embarrassing moment to realize his gear needed to be removed.

“After Hanji and I dropped off the pastor, she said she was going to the infirmary to ask Eren what you told him. She guessed we were going to claim to have recovered Eren amongst the injured, just like what we discussed yesterday?”

Erwin was already tearing off his boots. “Yes.”

He felt Levi's gaze on him.

“Pixis said it was probably gonna be a few hours before the unicorns showed up.”

Erwin nodded, undoing the straps on his legs. “That gives us some time to prepare.”

“You mean it gives me and Hanji time to prepare and you to rest.”

Erwin frowned. “Why is everyone suddenly obsessed with me sleeping?” He didn't like what the shadows of doubt in his mind where whispering.

“Because we don't need you passing out in court. For fuck's sake, Erwin, you're body's still Human.”

Perhaps Erwin removed his harness with more force than necessary.

Levi said nothing more. He leaned on his cane and watched.

Erwin neatly folded his jacket and set it on the headboard, along with the rest of his gear. He shoved, though with care, the satchel under the bed. Almost forgetting it was there, Erwin removed Jean's necklace and tucked it into an inner pocket of the bag. With nothing more to remove, he sank into the bed. It creaked much like his aching body.

“Wake me in an hour,” he murmured into the pillow.

“I might make it two to spite you,” Levi replied. 

Erwin barely heard the man limp out of the room. He certainly didn't hear the door shut.

~+~+~+~

Somebody was shaking him.

“What time is it...?” Erwin didn't want to separate from the pillow. Somehow he managed to peel his face away from it anyway. His right cheek felt cold. He wiped away the drool.

Levi's hand retreated back to his cane. “Time for you to get your ass outta bed before Dawk shows up.”

Erwin shot up. “How long was I asleep!?” 

Levi hadn't stepped back. He just looked up at Erwin. “...Two and a half hours.”

He scrambled off the bed. It was a good thing Erwin was too eager to sleep, he thought; or else he'd be a tangle mess of limbs and blankets on the floor now. 

“I got you a new shirt. The one you're in is wrinkled to all hell.”

Erwin paused in mid-step. His heart slowed down a few beats, though it still felt in the triple-digit range. “...Thank you.”

“Anyway, before you get all pissy about me having let you sleep for so long—Hanji and I were planning out some stuff. All the orders you've issued are still in affect, so whatever you say still goes. The only change that's occurred is we've made room for forty Military Police officers to stay with us.”

“...Forty?” Erwin didn't pause in unbuttoning his shirt. It was still falling to the floor when he reached for the fresh one Levi brought in.

Levi nodded. “Some brat named Hitch was sent ahead to tell us. Judging by that pretty horse of hers, it got here fast. So...we probably have twenty minutes.”

“I'd have thought they would have wanted to surprise us, hoping to catch us off guard with Eren.”

“Considering how Pixis told us they were late, I don't think they were going to bother. They're prissy and arrogant, but not as stupid as we sometimes want to think they are.”

Erwin grunted, popping his collar. “I've always hated these things,” he muttered, fiddling with the bolo tie.

“Anyway, Eren's now secure in the infirmary with the heavily wounded Scouts. Hanji and I are going with your plan on lying we found him with that crowd.”

“And if they push to take him back?” Erwin always hated reapplying the straps. The bruises may as well have been scars. He figured he should count what few blessings he had. So far there was no sign of bone growth in his thighs but that could easily change.

“We tell them we'll have Eren plug the hole with whatever stunt Annie pulled. If it fails then they won't have to worry about him rampaging all over the damn place cuz he'd be fucking trapped.”

“They'd only be so lucky,” Erwin muttered darkly.

Levi frowned.

Erwin secured the harness. He looked at his blades and decided that, yes, he should wear them. If he was going to greet the head of the Military Police, then had better damn well look like the Commander of the Scouting Legion. 

“Hoping to meet fashion with function?” Levi straightened up.

“Perhaps.” Erwin headed for the door. “Thank you, Levi.”

“Uh-huh...”

The clacking of Erwin's gear bounced about the stone walls. He took to the steps on heavy but fast feet. Damn it, why did Levi have to be nice? The blasted gear took too long to put on. Two and a half hours wasn't enough sleep, but Erwin could pretend it was. Hell, he could pretend an hour was enough. That had been the initial plan, too.

He made it to the courtyard to find all his Officers who could stand doing so.

Erwin was starting to understand how Moblit felt. Hanji wasn't in uniform, but she was standing at ease without assistance. He appreciated the sentiment but wished she hadn't.

The Commander stopped just within arm's reach of Nile.

“Smith.”

“Dawk.”

The man wasted no time. He held up the paper with the ever fancy, wax stamp. “I'm here on behalf of the Crown to inform you you are to come with me to Sina immediately, along with Zoe, Levi, Zacharius and Nanaba. You are to stand trial for the senseless slaughter of Military Poli--”

Erwin held a hand up.

Dawk stared, mouth still open. “What?” He asked after a moment.

“Why not we walk while discussing this? Even if it has been a few hours, we're still re-establishing ourselves here. Many of my Scouts are injured and I intend on seeing to them before I leave, and I'll need to leave instructions to Rico. If you're taking all my officers with me, then who will lead my men and women?”

Dawk frowned. “Your presence will only be needed for a day. Two at most. What's left of my men and women can look after them.”

Erwin kept a cool face as he took the paper from Dawk's hand. “And if I'm found guilty?”

“We're not executing you,” Dawk growled. “But you'll probably end up with some heavy fines and restrictions. Would you rather hear the verdict or read it over on another piece of paper with an unnecessarily fancy wax stamp?”

Erwin rose a brow. He opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a yell and galloping horses.

“Titans!” Two Scouts hollered. 

“Six of them!” One said.

“We spotted four 5M class Titans and two 9M class.” Said the other.

Without bothering to look at Dawk, Erwin handed him the paper. “Mobilize all who can move.” He strode over to Hanji. “In Levi's is Armin's book. Retrieve it and keep it safe should anything happen to me.”

“Yes, sir.” Hanji began what looked like a painful and brisk pace for his quarters.

“How far out are they?” Erwin asked.

“We spotted them about a kilometer out. We don't know how they suddenly showed up without us seeing them, but--”

“Are they Abbarants?”

“No--”

“We'll worry about the hows and whys later.” He began to run for the stables, where his horse was. Six Titans? Where did they come from? Erwin clenched his teeth. He did just say those questions were going to have to wait. And to think they had all been slain. 

He let out a dark chuckle, taking his horse out from its stall. Even such lumbering things could evade detection yet they, the small Humans, could only claw for survival. 

“Uh, sir?” Sasha had run after him, followed by Jean and Mikasa.

“Titans have been spotted.” Erwin said simply. “A kilometer out. They appear to be moving slowly, but we're wasting no time.” How convenient that this just had to happen when most of the Garrison left. His horse darted out but Erwin pulled the reigns, stopping just in front of Dawk. “We're going to have to discuss this later.” As Erwin turned his horse for the gates, of which some Scouts were already heading. He spared a glance over his shoulder. “By the way, Nile, Mike is dead.” 

He snapped the reigns and the horse galloped forth.


	16. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating bump. Also hahaha what me write fight scenes right? -sob-

Jean hated this new policy of being in uniform 24/7. It made pissing a pain and a task much longer than nature intended. He grumbled, readjusting the hip leathers and rebuckling the straps.

“Has anybody seen Jean?” Sasha called out.

Jean glanced out the little window next to the sink. He could see the back of her ponytail bobbing up and down as she hopped from foot to foot.

“I'm over here, what is it?” He called out, finishing the last strap. His heart began to pound. Nothing like the sound of panic to wake a person.

“We have Titans!”

“What!?” Jean reached for his chest to find it vacant. He swore as he made frantic strides for the outside, his gear clattering the whole way.

“Yes! They're slow and none appear to be aberrants but we have to go now!” She grabbed his arm. “Hurry up and get that on!”

“I can't if you're yanking at my arm,” Jean growled. He yanked his arm away and fastened the rest of his gear, eyes sweeping across the area. A few others were scrambling to get everything on while the MP seemed to just stand their dumbly. “I hope they brought their own food,” he muttered.

“Not even I'm thinking about that at a time like this.” Sasha then huffed. “The Commander is waiting for us at the gates.”

“Well why aren't you there with him?” Jean's cheeks reddened. He hopped up and down just to be sure everything was secure—it was.

“Because I volunteered to find you and a few others who weren't there to hear the commotion.” She began to jog for the stables. 

Jean ran after her. “How many?” He asked.

“I heard six but I might be wrong.” Sasha checked the latch of the stable door. She hissed. “They scream that we waste their money yet we have to choose between eating and keeping the doors together...”

“Bitch about it when you come back with a Titan head. Then maybe they'll quite whining.” Jean hopped onto Buckwald. 

Sasha jumped onto her own horse. “But the heads evaporate, so I'll have nothing to show...”

“Which means they'll keep whining. That's the point.” He snapped the reigns and the horse galloped out of the stables. “Easy there,” Jean muttered. “C'mon.” He stopped just short of the Commander. Sasha was at his side seconds later.

“Is there anyone else?” Jean asked, looking around. His stomach began to knot up. There were less than thirty people. That was not enough to take down six Titans he felt.

“They have less than a minute to show up if there are,” Erwin said. He scanned the crowd. “They are less than a kilometer out heading this way. They are to the south west. We will attack in groups of four—Jean, you're with Sasha, Mick and Seana. Armin, you're with Mikasa, Terice, and Deiter.” 

Seana had apparently made her way to Jean's other side. “Mick and I can go for their eyes if you'd like.” She said to him. “It'll be just like in Trost, but no guns and more maneuverability.” Her smile was forced.

“Yah,” Mick wore the same grim expression. His knuckles were white, clutching the reigns. “So you fine with that?”

Jean looked at Sasha. She swallowed. “I-if that's what you guys want to do.”

“Jean, your squad is to be to my left. Armin, my right. Yvonne, behind me. Allison, rear guard.” He pulled out a blade. “Scouts! Ready?”

“Sir!” They shouted.

The Commander leaned forward. “Charge!” He roared. His horse vaulted forward.

Jean kept his eyes ahead but his brain was whirling away faster than any horse he rode. How was the Commander still upright? And the man had considered Jean a reasonable replacement! The young Scout knew what he was like two days without sleep—being a competent, caring leader certainly wasn't one of them. 

To think, they had been out here hours before and everything was just fine. Jean didn't know why he expected life to be smooth by now. The world was full of hideous surprises, He learned that years ago and came to terms with it months ago. Yet here he was, still shocked that taking a piss in the confines of their home nearly made him miss out on some important action.

“Sasha, remind me to thank you for dragging me into this when we get back,” Jean yelled over the hoof beats.

“What do you mean by dragging you into this?” She stared at him like he was crazy (which he was certain he was). “You're the one who convinced us to join this chaos!”

Jean rolled his eyes. “I'll tell you when we get back!” Not that he likely would. ...Tell her. No, he was definitely going to make it back. And so was she and Armin and Mikasa and everyone. It was just six slow Titans. How hard could that be, out in the beautiful open terrain? It's not like they were understaffed or anything, no!

“Sir!” Armin hollered. “All six, a hundred meters to our right and gaining!”

“Get ready!” Erwin turned his horse towards their impending doom. Everyone followed.

“Armin, you and Mikasa's squad take on the 9M with dark hair! My squad, we'll go for the other!” 

Two 9M classes? Jean did his best to keep a blank face but could feel the adrenaline barreling down his veins. 

Jean looked to Yvonne. “My squad and I will go for the one farthest to our left!”

She nodded. “Well go for the one next to it.” Yvonne turned to pass the message along to the other two.

“All right...” Jean pulled out a blade. “You heard me—GO!” He brought it to his lips and urged Buckwald onward.

“When we're less than thirty meters in, Mick 'n I are gonna split and shoot out for its eyes!” The metallic clack of her fastening the blades could be heard. “You ready?” She shouted at Mick.

“Sasha, I can try and hamstring it—that'll leave it vulnerable for you.”

“Forty meters!” Mick yelled.

She stared.

“Sasha, you're in the top ten for a reason!”

“I know, I know!” Sasha took a deep breath. “Now's not the time,” she muttered, hand on her abdomen. “I'm just surprised you're trusting me with it, that's all.” Sasha readied her blades. “I can actually cut this one open.” Her eyes hardened, determination flashing across her face.

“Thirty meters!'

“GO!” Jean yelled again.

Within seconds he could see Mick and Seana in his peripherals. And then they were in front of him. Seana had swung her right leg over and Mick mirrored the action.

The Titan was, as usual, an ugly looking thing. Its comically huge mouth hung open, the impossibly white teeth glinting in the afternoon sun. The spittle seemed to help with that, Jean noted somewhere in his mind. Its eyes were on them.

No not them—him.

Jean hadn't given any more orders, so he had to keep a steady course, right?

“Sasha, follow Mick—I'll follow Seana and slice in from that angle, got it?”

“Yes!” Sasha leaned to the right, tailing after Mick.

The Titan realized there were tastier, closer Humans and began to reach for Seana.

She pointed her horse to the right and launched off of it. Her hooks had made contact in the Titan's armpit and she was spinning around the limb.

Jean spared a glance at Mick and Sasha. Mick was already attaching himself onto the Titan and Sasha arching around to go in from behind.

 

Maybe it was the adrenaline, but only just now did Jean realize the Titan was unusually slow and stupid. It was still trying to grab at Seana, but its hands were clumsy and the thing was completely unaware of Mick swooping up.

The monster let out a hideous roar as scalding hot red shot into the air. Seconds later there was another jet and yell, mixed in with Seana's cackling.

Its blood evaporated before it could hit the ground.

“We have less than a minute!” Jean yelled. He slowed his horse down, the Titan's own paces losing speed. The boy twisted himself around, aiming for its lower back. He had to angle himself just right if he wanted to slice it in a single go.

His gear hissed and he lurched up and forward, his blades shining in the sun.

“Mick, Seana, get down!” Sasha yelled, readying her own gear.

Jean barely heard the other two activate their gear as the wind whistled in his hears. 

The blades sliced through the burning flesh. Again it let out a yowl. 

“Sasha, go!” Jean launched himself off of the tipping Titan. The ground shook as the Titan made a thunderous crash down.

She was a blur of brown and green. Sasha's blades were inches above the Titan's skin before she spun, slicing the neck. The Scout jumped off, steam rising and curling into the air, heating everything up.

Jean let out the breathe he was unaware he had been holding.

“That was easy.” He let out an uneasy chuckle. Jean took a few steps back and tugged at his collar. It was almost like a twisted act of mercy the Titans were so hot upon expiring—nobody could tell the sweat anybody poured out was from nervousness.

“Too easy.” Sasha's shoulders were hunched. Her eyes darted around, ears straining for something other than the sound of cheering Scouts.

Mick kicked the now skeletal foot. “I rather a day of way too easy Titans than a damn shifter.”

And then time seemed to slow down.

Jean turned, just to see the landscape. He wanted to enjoy a view without any type of wall be it fort or home. Yet even in the distance he could see the still-standing Rose, though hazy but there.

First there was the roar. Next came the shaking ground and near-deafening pounding of feet.

He looked to see, bursting from a cluster of trees, a 5M. Its face was pulled back into something almost like pain. Right on its heels were two 10M class, tearing and grabbing at it with little success.

“Scouts!” Erwin's voice boomed over the chaos. “Defend the small one at all costs! Slay the larger one!”

Jean was glad he managed to take a leak before heading out. He spared a glance at Mick, whose deep tan had gone pale. Maybe the poor guy wasn't so lucky.

“Yvonne, Jean you take the one farther from it—Mikasa aid them! Armin, Allison with me!” 

It was funny, he thought to himself. Through the fear and still rampant adrenaline, Jean actually felt jealous of Armin being the one to work with Erwin. 

“We'll go for the eyes again!” Seana barked before whistling for her horse.

“I don't think we're gonna need it!” Mick grabbed Seana's wrist, running. “It's coming at us—SCATTER! Latch on later!”

Jean didn't need to be told twice. He ran to the side, Sasha right next to him. Seconds later the small one ran past where they were standing. 

“NOW!” Jean spun around, the grappling hooks shooting out again. One nestled itself into the left calf and the other its thigh. This was going to be tricky. If he made the target stumble, the other one risked crashing down on him. 

But he was already committed to the move and so was Sasha, he saw, as her gear shot overhead.

His own blades cut somewhat but not enough—already they were dulled. Sasha seemed to have done the trick, though.

“Everyone, hop off it!” She launched off just as Mick and Seana shot up.

Its legs became a tangled mess, one foot being driven into the other.

“Armin!” Mikasa's voice rang out, sending further panic through Jean.

He rolled, steadying himself to look up to see Armin in the hands of the Titan.

A flash of steel and explosion of red, Armin was falling to the ground, the monstrous hands slacking.

It was like Erwin didn't care. “Slay these two! Disable the small one but don't kill it!” He ordered, zipping over the tangled 10M classes. 

Once again, Mikasa shot through the air, the first one dead. Yvonne sailed by, the other one done for as well.

Jean's attention was back on the smaller one—it wasn't moving so fast now. In fact it was limping, a sizable chunk had been taken from its back. He looked at Armin, relieved to see the boy crawling out from the hand.

Erwin was on the fleeing one in seconds. He cut through the legs, his green cloak streaming steam behind him.

It fell, arms flailing and still yowling. 

The other Scouts sprinted forward, Erwin disabling one arm. Mikasa's grappling hooks lodging themselves in the other. Seana was following her, aiming for its back.

Its limbs were striped with deep, smoldering cuts.

“Keep the legs and arms useless,” Erwin said, voice steady as always. “Let's see if we can remove the shifter inside.”

“It's a rather crude looking one for a shifter,” Armin huffed. The side of his face was covered in blood, his pupils uneven.

“Ymir's is pretty ugly looking.” Jean pointed out, forcing his eyes back on Erwin.

The Commander pulled out two fresh blades. He stood, keeping his balance as the Titan quaked and shuddered, trying to heal and get back up. The man's steel clacked as he crossed them overhead. They swung down, two clean cuts where the legs could have been. Immediately the legs Sasha and Seana were standing on went limp.

Its arms followed suit.

Erwin's hands plunged into the folds between the lacerations. He didn't wince as his own skin began to burn. The man wrenched back the flap, pulling up a small figure with it.

A boy with pale, mussed hair coughed. 

Jean's blades fell with a dull clatter.

“C-connie,” the boy wheezed. The stumps of his arms were cauterized, his shoulders covered in cuts matching the one on the Titan.

Erwin yanked off the flap, now cradling the kid in his arms. 

“Wh-where's Connie?” Tears began to stream down the boy's scarred face only to evaporate.

Erwin's mouth shut. He swallowed, eyes locked on the child. “He's safe,” Erwin finally said.

“But where?” The boy was too weak to wail. He began to shake, the flesh on his bones beginning to bubble. “I want Connie...!”

Jean felt his stomach twist. He could taste bile, tinged with something else—the smell of burning skin.

Nobody could say a word as they stared in horror.

“Where is he!” The child screamed in fear and agony. His little chest and shoulder bones were becoming visible. “I just...” the high-pitched shriek deteriorated into a low croak. 

“Connie is safe at home,” Erwin tried. His hand twitched, pulling the kid closer. He couldn't have been more than eight. That must have meant he was Milo...

Jean whirled around. The meager, tax-paid breakfast clawed its way up, pouring onto the grass. He coughed and gagged, the burning in his throat bringing tears to his eyes. Even after he emptied the contents of his stomach, Jean could still feel his abdomen heaving, insisting there was more to purge. He wretched. Not even bile was left.

His chest ached, every breath scraping him raw. Jean's arms were shaking, no longer able to support him. Just barely, the Scout pulled himself up, now on his knees. He stared out again, a breeze making the grass undulate.

Wall Rose stood proud, still watching over them.

Jean stood and turned to see everyone was exactly where they had been, except for Milo, who was now just steam wafting away in the wind.

Erwin's hands were open, his palms red and shining.

“I have been ordered to appear in court,” he said calmly, still looking at his hands. “Who will be the one to tell Connie while I am gone?”

Sasha's hand flew to her chest and her feet spread apart. “I will, sir.”

Jean felt his own hand thud against his heart. “So will I.”

Erwin's eyes flickered in their direction. He rose, the front of his shirt soaked. “Very well. Everyone, call back your horses. Mick, examine Armin's wounds. Mikasa, Jean, at my side, I have instructions for you.”

Jean gave a weak nod. He collected his gear, watching Mick release himself from Seana. 

“Hey, Armin buddy, lemme see that head of yours...” the Scout was barely audible.

Their horses were found, idly gnawing on grass.

Buckwald looked up and huffed, twitching its ears. 

Jean gave him a clumsy pat. “Good to see you.” He muttered, hoisting himself up.

Erwin didn't snap the reigns until everyone was ready to go. 

Jean cantered to his side, Mikasa on the other. “You had important information, sir?” She asked.

“Yes.” Erwin stared straight ahead. “Dawk is insisting that I, Hanji and Levi attend court for a hearing on my latest insult to their pride. While I am away, I want you to make sure the Military Police are in quarters that keep them far from you, the infirmary and the pastor. I do not know how long I will be gone—it could be anywhere from a round trip to Sina plus an hour to a couple of days. Assume I will be gone for the longer time and keep things minimal but impressive. Your schedule will now consist of shifts of maintaining the cleanliness of our home, basic physical training, gear maintenance, foraging, and making sure they don't bother the injured. Pixis may show up later today or tomorrow.”

Jean, though in a daze, nodded, able to commit it all to memory. 

Nothing more was said after that. The rest of the trip was made in silence, save for the occasional whispers between Mick and Seana.

“Any idea what that was about?”

“I don't know.”

Silence.

“Think we can keep the MP distracted?”

“Maybe.”

More silence.

“We should ask how much difficulty to give them.”

“Later, Mick.”

“Yah, I know...sorry.”

Nothing after that.

When they got back, Dawk stood near the entrance, arms folded and back stiff. He was like some nagging matron, his face etched with disapproval.

Erwin slid off his horse.

The others followed suit.

“We have a carriage ready. Hanji and Levi are already on board.” Dawk gestured to said carriage. Hanji leaned out, giving a glum wave.

Erwin handed the reigns to Jean. “With luck, I'll see you all tonight.” He said this before turning on his heel. His cloak gave a limp flutter, weighed down with wet and cold.

Jean watched him go.

“I will take Armin to the infirmary.” Mikasa said. “And start seeing to the Commander's orders. Take your time with Connie and meet with me afterward so we can split the tasks.” She pulled at her scarf, looking down. “When do you think he can be free to walk around again?”

For a moment, Jean didn't know which 'he' Mikasa was referring to. But of course it was Eren. He looked down as well, shoulders sagging. “I...don't know.” Jean muttered. “Right now,” he began to turn away, “I just wanna follow orders, not be followed.” 

Mikasa nodded. “If the circumstances allow it, let's meet out here in half an hour. If Armin's injury isn't too bad, he can help.”

“Yah...” Jean started for the stables. He didn't need to tug, the horses knew where they had to go.

Sasha followed him. 

Jean's hands fumbled as he secured the horses. He then checked their feed and water. After that, he double-checked to make sure they were definitely secure.

As he started for a triple check, Sasha's hand reached for his wrist. “It's only going to be worse if we delay it.”

Jean's throat tightened. “Right.”

“Let's go.” Her hand slid away.

Again the girl cursed, reminded that the stable door would not remain shut.

As they neared two passing MP, the Scouts forced their shoulders back and spring into their step.

Once the two officers were behind them, the Scouts wilted. They didn't straighten up as they passed Armin and Mikasa, who just gave them sympathetic bows of the head.

Their steps were dull as they walked up to the infirmary. 

“Where's Connie being kept?” Sasha asked a nurse.

The man pointed to the back. “We have him near the severely injured, but by a blocked window.” The Scout paused and looked around. No sign of the police. “Eren was adamant about keeping an eye on him. Just walk through those doors, cross the first room and you should find him.”

“Thank you,” Sasha said.

Jean followed her.

It was a pleasant room and split into two areas—the one closer to the window was where Scouts could sit and receive physical therapy. The other half was dedicated to letting them rest.

Jean gave an empty-minded nod to Natalie, who had looked up from her book.

They made it to the other room, which was smaller and somewhat darker. Some light was making its way through a window, which was indeed blocked by a shrubbery. Connie's head was turned towards it.

Eren looked up from his sweeping. He almost dropped the broom when he saw Jean and Sasha walking towards Connie.

“He's sleeping,” the boy whispered.

They stopped.

Eren looked between the two, his eyes widening with worry. “What happened? I saw Armin and Mikasa—they just hugged me.” His head kept swiveling back and forth.

“We need to tell him something,” Jean found himself saying.

Eren's eyebrows knitted together. He paused, staring at Sasha. “...What happened?” The boy repeated, his gaze now on Jean.

“Something.” He didn't know what else to say.

“Well tell me and I'll tell him when he wakes up.” Eren clutched the broom handle.

Jean grabbed Eren and Sasha, deciding they would discuss this in private in the nearest closet or other room possible.

“No, not there, I just cleaned it!” Eren hissed. He yanked his arm to another door.

Jean wanted to yell—why the hell was Eren so obsessed with keeping things clean all of a sudden? They had bigger things to worry about, damn it! 

But he obliged.

The three crammed themselves into a too small broom closet.

“Okay, so what happened?”

He could feel both Eren's and Sasha's breath.

“Something bad,” Jean said.

“Did somebody die?” There was a light clack—Eren had set the broom aside. Or he dropped it and the space they were in was so tiny it had nowhere to fall.

“Yes.” Sasha murmured.

“Who?!” Eren could just barely keep his voice low.

Even though there was no light, Jean knew he exchanged glances with Sasha.

“Milo. Connie's youngest brother.” Jean didn't know where he was staring.

“L-like...he was running from the Titans?”

“Uh, you could say that.”

Sasha elbowed him in the ribs. “More than just that, Eren.”

“Please tell me you didn't find his corpse...”

“Worse.” Jean reached for what he thought was Eren's shoulder. It wound up being his elbow instead. “Eren, we found him in a Titan.”

“...As in you cut one open and found him in it?! That's still a corp--”

“No, Eren! Listen!” Jean traced his hand up Eren's arm. He stopped his hand just at the nape of Eren's neck. “We found him _inside_ a Titan!”

Eren's breath caught in his chest.

“Please, Eren, don't tell Connie!” Sasha grabbed Eren's hand. “We told the Commander we would. He's heading in for court right now, that's why he's not the one delivering the news.”

“Just...just tell him that's why you're worried or something, all right?”

“Why is Erwin going to court? What the hell else happened?!”

“He's going to court because of a few days ago. Me, Mikasa and Armin are in charge of what's left of us for now. Pixis might be here later to help. But right now, you have to stay here and just...keep doing what you've been doing, okay?”

“You expect me to small-talk with Connie after this news?!” Even in a whisper, Eren was shrill. “Damn it, Jean, that's some rotten stuff--”

“We promised we would tell him.” Sasha said with a firmness neither boys expected. “The moment he wakes up, send for us. Scurry out and go back to cleaning or maybe talk to Natalie. But do not interfere with our promise.”

“I--” Eren swallowed. “O-okay. Yah...I can do that.”

Jean squeezed his shoulder. “Thanks.”

“All right...well...go on, get out. You tracked mud in with you. Lemme focus on cleaning all that up now.” He sniffled.

As they exited the infirmary, Jean slumped forward.

“Keeping busy will keep us distracted,” Sasha wiped her eyes.

“Yah. Well...since I get to give orders...you take a few people with you and start the foraging stuff.”

“What, you're not afraid I'll eat half of it?”

“Not if you got Deiter and Yvonne with you. Besides, you're the best one at it.” Jean massaged his temples. “And I don't think even you're hungry at a time like this.” He stared up at the sky. "Actually, take Mick and Seana with you. Pretty sure one of them's gonna give the police trouble if we aren't careful."

“Hn.” Sasha looked around. “We're crawling with vermin, though. There isn't much to begin with and they'll be taking the rest soon enough.” Her eyes followed two MP—that girl who arrived first and some guy who looked like he had a stick up his ass.

“Not if I can help it,” Jean growled.


	17. cluster a : pre-???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops my trippy slipped.

They had their backs to each other. Mike sighed, closing his eyes, too exhausted to attempt an apology. At least Hanji didn't get up to leave. Maybe when he woke up, they'll have both rolled over and she'd be nuzzling against him. Or something to that effect.

Of course something like that would happen. They'd been able to--somehow--keep their relationship together this long. A small disagreement was just another little bump in the road, one they could get over together.

Mike buried his face into his pillow. Already he could feel himself drifting away. He was with Hanji, so that meant this wouldn't be flashbacks of the field. Already he could feel himself drifting away and there was no scent of grass and blood. Then it was something less traumatic, and Mike was grateful for that...

He was in a hallway. The stagnant feel and smell in the air told him that. As did the echoing of his footsteps. How strange. This wasn't anything from his usual pickings of dreams. If it wasn't flashbacks, it was training days with Erwin. But if the dreams weren't of time with Erwin, then it was of the children Mike knew he and Hanji would never have.

The man's head swiveled around, trying to take in his surroundings. It all felt very real, he noted. The marble slaps beneath his feet were hard—even freezing which he felt through the soles of his boots. Mike shivered, watching his breath mist into the air. He pulled his cloak closer, finding it did little to help.

As he walked down what he could only guess was a never ending hallway, he found the ceiling to be a strange thing. It was made of wrought iron and glass. Up above he could see a full moon and stars through the gaps in the clouds. For some reason, it made him shake with an intangible anxiety. He had seen countless full moons before and they were always a blessing. It meant walks without torches and missions without Titans and full visibility. 

Yet this one made his heart pound and a cold sweat start. 

Looking down, Mike let out a yelp. The floor was no longer there. Still, he was walking on something solid. Below Mike could see a small farmhouse in the late afternoon light. It filled him with a deeper fear. He shook his head, not wanting to look at it any longer.

Mike took a steadying breath. The transparency was soon fading, shifting back to marble. It was worn and chipped, this time, nowhere near as smooth as it had been before. What looked like tree roots were starting to crop up, shifting from the same color and consistency as the marble to a more natural, aged look. 

The man's teeth began to chatter. He pulled the cloak as tight as he could, but it was doing nothing and there wasn't much more to go around. Mike clenched his jaw, trying to stop the chattering, thinking about how he would get out of this. Somehow “just waking up” didn't feel like the right way to go about things. He huffed, feeling his mustache press down on his upper lip. Well he hoped he woke up soon. The man let out a dark chuckle—the cold felt too real. Maybe Hanji was stealing the blankets or she had rolled further away.

And like a switch, warmth began to spread through him.

He almost let out a pleased grunt. Right. All he had to do was think of Hanji. Hanji and Erwin and Levi. When he woke up, maybe he could grab a big mug of extra-hot tea. That sounded amazing, even though he wasn't nearly as cold now. Though what would have been even better was waking up with the lovable bundle of curiosity that was Hanji. 

Mike found he was entering some kind of tree tunnel. As he crossed into is threshold, his head began to ache. It was a slow, steady start, with the elements of fog creeping in as well. He swore he could hear voices—but what they were saying he couldn't make out. Then the sounds of struggle and howls of fear and sorrow. His heart began to thud painfully against his chest. He had to save whoever it was.

That calm, steady voice...what if it was somebody reading out an execution order? He remembered seeing an execution once as a child. The low tone and slow pace of what he was hearing reminded him a lot of how the order was read years ago.

Mike frowned, the fog becoming more painful and choking.

No. He could recognize one of those voices—the calm one was Armin. But the boy had no business reading execution orders. 

He sniffed. It was out of habit if anything.

Something in the air changed, he realized. When the calm voice spoke again, it reminded him of training days. As the people yowled in pain, the air carried the faint fragrance of cinnamon, something he only found in Sina. Not only that, the smell of training days seemed closer and yet...somehow far away. As if it was behind him.

The screams from Sina felt like they were right in front of him.

His headache worsened. Tendrils of pain and shadow began to unfold at the base of his skull, creeping its way around and taking root in his brain. He stopped in his tracks, pain rising to agony, now spreading throughout his body. It wrapped around his bones and sprouted into his blood and flesh.

He opened his eyes, finding the roots were in his boots and up his pant legs.

Mike tore his feet from the ground and sprinted down the hall. He could feel it splintering and disintegrate with every frenzied footfall. 

His boot caught itself in a fallen branch. He tumbled onto the ground, feeling his elbows and knees split open against the roots. But the invasive sensations were gone. As he righted himself onto his hands and knees, Mike huffed, trying to steady his heart and breath. A glint of something caught his eyes. He squinted to get a better look at it. Due to the moonlight-like lighting, the color of the bolo tie was hard to place. But the viscous, dulled liquid that clung to it was unmistakeable.

Shaking, Mike pulled himself to his feet and dusted himself off. What clung to his hands and clothes was disturbingly like ash. He swallowed, forcing that from his mind, trying to ignore the funny shaped branches and rocks.

Before Mike stood a door made from wood he had never seen before.

He could hear muffled voices again. They sounded frantic and he recognized the smells of everyone on the other side.

The door shook. Somebody was pounding on it.

“Why won't it open!?”

He had never heard her so frantic in his life.

Mike sprinted for the door, He may as well have slammed into it, his shoulder exploding with pain.

He grabbed the knob, trying to turn it to open the door. But it was locked.

...No, they were both trying to open it.

Mike's hands flew off the knob. 

A second later and the door itself flew open.

Hanji stared up at him.

Mike wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, his mouth desperately searching for hers. He knew in the back of his mind they were next to each other yet it felt like months since he had last seen her. 

The man ignored the whispers in the back of his mind telling him that, no, he was no longer by her side.

Their lips gracelessly found each other. Mike could hear protest, but it wasn't coming from her, so he didn't care.

What felt like and perhaps should have been an eternity, Hanji pulled herself back.

“We can't do that next time.” She said, staying close.

Mike's mouth was still open. “Huh?”

Hanji's hands slid down to his. “We can't do that next time. Promise me you'll remember, okay? It doesn't have to be now or tomorrow, but soon.”

Mike enclosed her callused hands with his own. “I want to promise, but if I don't know what I'm agreeing to, I might fail.”

She giggled. “Don't worry. I trust you.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his nose.

An intense pain seized him. He felt the bones in his left leg shatter and the joints of his arm split. Muscle tore and ligaments popped as everything was stretched beyond any means a Human could take.

Mike snapped up, the blankets falling from his chest to his waist. The cold nipped at his bare shoulders, but he didn't notice.

“Whaisit?” Hanji slurred as she sat up.

He blinked. “I'm--”

“Mike?” Hanji was alert now. She reached for his face. 

Was there something about his tone that worried her?

“Why are you crying?!” Hanji's other hand cupped his cheek.

Mike blinked. He took one of her hands in his and then touched his face with the other. To his surprise, his fingers came back wet and glinting in the moonlight.

“I...don't know.” He said, staring at his hand. “I can't remember.”


	18. cluster b : concurrent to seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this was written before chp52.
> 
> OH AND ALSO
> 
> I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas Eve. If you don't celebrate it, I hope you're having a wonderful day/evening!

Levi tilted the chair back with his good leg, eying the pastor.

The man glared. He kept his hands on his knees, somehow having kept his nails meticulously clean. 

"I won't say anything more," the pastor said.

"Just did."

The man narrowed his eyes.

Levi said nothing. Instead, he reached for a glass and a bottle of bourbon. Compliments from Pixis. The man had slipped them more than just vine.

"Thirsty?" The corporal asked. He knew how to keep his liquor. But with how Nick looked at him, the pastor didn't know that. Or perhaps the man could smell the temptation from ten feet away.

The glare intensified in response.

Levi shrugged. He poured some into the shot glass. If the corporal could help it, he was going to delay taking a shot as long as possible. It wasn't because lunch had been a couple hours ago--it was because the place was crawling with the Military Police. No good would come to the Scouts if rumor spread they got drunk on their off time. Not that it damaged the MP's rep and it wasn't like the Scouts didn't deserve at least something luxurious every once and a while...

"Gonna have to talk, y'know," Levi said, picking up the glass. "Krista's gone. Buh-bye. Just what that asshole family of hers wanted." He twisted the half-full little glass about, pretending to admire the liquid amber. His eyes flickered back to the pastor. "Convenient for them to have had that happen just as the walls got busted, huh?"

"If you're trying to imply I have any connections with the breach or some bastard child's family, then you're wrong."

An illegitimate, eh?

"I never said she was a bastard, now did I?" It was all process of elimination. No noble family would willingly send their child off to training and let her join the Scouts. Clearly something happened to cause the girl's family hate her or they would have pulled strings. But that didn't happen.

The man flinched. "No noble family would send their child to the Scouts."

Levi studied the man. He looked as tense as he had on the cart ride back. Especially when Armin started telling that little tale of his. Life in the seedy black market taught Levi how to read what people truly wanted. Everything about how Nick avoided looking at Armin, how he kept himself absolutely still and how he nearly bit his lip open told Levi plenty. Something about that boy disturbed the pastor. Maybe he thought Armin was actually the noble family member they were talking about.

"Are you sure you don't want something to drink?" Levi held out the glass. "You haven't had anything since yesterday."

Nick narrowed his eyes. 

"I'm on your side, you know. My friend wanted to withhold your chamber pot until you had a drink. I said that was disgusting." Levi brought the bourbon to his lips. The smell filled his nostrils. He could see why Mike had hated the stuff.

"I thought your club fought to preserve Humanity, not to break it."

He pulled the glass away. "So you're interested in not preserving us?" Levi rested his arm on his knee in a manner that looked like he was offering the glass to the man.

The man scowled. "You're an arrogant lot," he muttered.

"I'm not the one walking around with shiny jewelry in the safest part of the world." Levi tilted his head to the side.

Levi heard footsteps. They were labored, which meant it could only be one person.

"Sorry I'm late for the show," she said, entering. Held close to her chest was a book.

There was a clatter.

The Pastor had jumped to his feet. "Where did you get that?"

"What, this?" Levi held up the glass knowing full well that's not what he meant. "A gift--"

"No, not that you idiot!" Nick pointed at Hanji. "That book. Where did you get it?"

Ohohoho.

Hanji grinned. "I'm known for my love of books--never thought I'd meet somebody more enthusiastic than me!"

Nick's lips pulled back into a snarl and repeated: "Where did you get that?" 

"So much for that calm composure of yours. You weren't kidding about there being those with more will than you." Levi eased the chair down. He leaned forward, keeping the drink steady in his hands. "How about we trade information, hm?"

The pastor looked away.

"Oh, well, then I guess we won't tell you where we got the book. You'll waste away before you find out." Levi brought the bourbon to his lips again. He tilted the glass up.

"If you just tell me the title and author, then I can tell you who the family member is." 

His tongue felt singed but nothing more. Levi pulled the glass back. "Really now?"

Hanji stood over him. If he straightened up, his head would have wound up nestled somewhere embarrassing. "More loopholes?" She rested one hand on Levi's shoulder and used the other to hide the book behind her back.

Nick shifted in his seat. "Our security...is not as strong is our will." He said at last.

Levi could only guess Hanji was grinning. 

"Ah...so this is a book stolen from your personal library?"

"Check the first two pages if you don't believe me. The mark of our goddess Sina should be on one those pages."

Hanji straightened up. She turned around and popped open the book. Levi could hear her turn the pages with care. A moment later it thumped shut and she was back to leaning over him. "So it would seem."

"How much are you willing to tell us if we were to trade it to you for information?"

"Tell me the author and title and I'll decide."

"Is this a bargain we have started?" Levi hid his surprise. Their will was stronger than their security? Hell their security had to be shitty then.

"Perhaps. How much have you read?"

"More than you'd have liked us to," Hanji replied. 

"At least tell me what you know."

"...What's beyond the walls." She said after a moment.

The man didn't look all that relieved. "I see."

Levi waited for him to say anything more, but he didn't.

This was going nowhere.

"...Still against revoking his chamberpot?" Hanji asked.

"Yes."

"Hn."

Levi grabbed his cane and stood up. "Let's go. We'll visit him later. There's a lot more crap we gotta take care of."

Hanji held the door open for him.

"I don't like pretending to be a monster to get info," she said once they were up the stairs.

"It's not too bad if they forgive you."

"Something tells me he is not that kind of man."

"Agreed." Levi waited for her at the top of the stairs. "You really shouldn't do all that walking, you know."

Hanji huffed. "Changing the topic--is Shadis here yet? Armin said this book was a gift from his grandfather. I know the man said he'd be here to discuss some things with Erwin about the latest batch of trainees he's got. Maybe we can ask him if he noticed anything about the kid."

"Yah, he's here. Saw him going into one of our little study-relax rooms with a giant stack of papers."

"Lead the way."

"Cripple leading the more crippled, eh?" Levi debated on sending a Scout to get him the man.

"Hey now, I'm not the one with a cane."

"I'm not the one pushing herself beyond her limits."

"Well of course you aren't--you're a he."

It took more time than Levi wanted, but they were now outside the room Shadis sat in. He glanced at his battered watch--Erwin still wasn't back yet.

Hanji pushed the door open. "Shadis!"

The man paused, cup of tea to his lips, parchment in the other.

Damn him and those sunken in eyes. Levi found them unnerving six years ago and he found them unnerving now.

"Can I help you two?" Shadis asked, mug still to his lips.

Hanji scooted into the room. Levi followed her and closed the door behind him.

"This book." The woman held it up. "It belonged to a kid named Armin. Ring any bells?"

Shadis blinked. He set the mug down and reached for a moleskin journal in his pocket.

"Armin Arlert, correct?" Shadis paused, ready to turn more pages if necessary.

"...Do you have a notebook for every set of trainees you go through?" Levi asked, staring at the little notebook.

"You think I shouldn't?"

"No just...weird is all." Levi leaned on his cane. "And I wonder what you got on me..." he muttered.

Shadis reached for another pocket. "You want me to show--"

"No, I was just kidding! ...Y'know, you're really soft spoken when you're not yelling at recruits."

Shadis simply shrugged. He found the page he was looking for. "Considering how these young boys and girls will be the ones to serve and protect humanity, it's important to keep tabs on every one of them. I'm here for many reasons--one of which being to deliver copies of my notes on Braun, Leondhart and Fubar."

He snapped his notebook to stiffen it. "Armin Arlert. Soft spoken, physically weak..."

"Anything about his history?" Hanji asked.

Shadis rose a brow. "Not much." He scanned the page. "He wasn't raised by his parents. When looking everyone over for the first time, after yelling at him about his name, he said his grandfather gave it to him."

The two stared.

"Is that a problem? Do you think he's a shifter too?"

Levi shook his head. "Hanji, what year was that book written?"

She opened it again.

Levi held up his hands to help her steady it.

"This book was physically written in eight hundred. The book it was a copy of, which apparently fell apart due to some serious water damage, had been written in..." she squinted. "It's hard to say, actually. The ink got smudged." Hanji frowned. "It looks like nine-hundred and forty-one, but I think that was a mistake. The year is handwritten, not printed. I think the person meant six-hundred and forty one." She lifted her glasses and squinted.

"Is there something special about the book and Arlert?" Shadis looked between the two. He frowned. "...No, actually, don't answer. I did let those three get by me. I feel like I should speak with Erwin about that first." He pulled out a fresh piece of paper. "I'll just copy down everything I have an Arlert. But that book is something his grandfather gave to him and he did say his grandfather named him."

Hanji and Levi exchanged glances. Krista had been given a false name...

"Let's go see if they're back."

"Thanks for your help, Shadis," Hanji said.

Levi nodded his head and followed her out.

As they made their way down the steps for the courtyard, two Military Police officers blocked their way.

"Oi, move it, brats." Levi gripped his cane.

It was the one named Hitch and some guy with a sharp bowl-cut.

"We're to escort you to a carriage for the impending court case." The guy said. "We were informed you were injured, so it was thought best to get you instead of force you to make the trek unattended."

Hitch gave a smile too big and smug for Levi's tastes. She gave a flourishing bow and held out her arm to Hanji. 

She looked down at Hitch. "...No thank you. We Scouts walk it off." 

Levi swung his cane out and pushed the two back.

"Your offer has been politely denied." Levi let Hanji pass him before walking after her. "See you two later."


	19. cluster c |: post-9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update of the year! Throwing it up now before I forget and maybe cuz I'm a little impatient. Thank you so much for sticking around and making it this far! I'll see you guys next year :D
> 
> Oh! And most importantly--Have a wonderful and safe New Year's!

Armin dragged his feet up the steps. Erwin ordered everyone to change out of uniform now that they knew for a fact everything was safe. Well, supposedly. They were safe from the Titans at least.

He didn't want to change, though. Armin wanted to stay in his uniform, despite them being weighed down by sweat and stained with blood. Maybe it was to remind him. Maybe it was a way to stick it to the Military Police.

He didn't know. Things go bad. The young man knew that.

Maybe it was the lack of food and sleep. Or the burning questions he still had, and the answers that could put them out were nowhere to be found.

The door to the boys' barracks swung open. Whoever entered forgot to close it.

Mick was sitting on his bed, a bloodied patch in his hand.

He looked up. "...Hi." The young man was still in uniform. The knees of his boots were caked with cracking, dry blood.

Armin blinked. "Hi." he shut the door behind him.

The only sound was the click of his boots on the hardwood floor. He peeked over his shoulder to see Mick was still focusing on the patch. Armin began to change, peeling off the straps. Their gear was in its proper storehouse now and his back could truly relax.

Armin rolled his shoulders, readjusting the collar of his blazer. He spared another glance at Mick before deciding to find Mikasa and Eren.

As he reached for the door, Mick stood up.

"Hey, Armin?"

"Yah?" He turned to look.

Mick's shoulders sagged. He barely held the patch between his fingers. Armin noticed his nails were short and dirty. "You can get away with busting orders. Do...do you mind sneaking in to take a look at Seana's gear for me? She and I take care of it together and double check each other's. It was fine this morning before we went for breakfast. Do you think you can see what we might've missed?"

Armin opened his mouth. He closed it. Mick's gaze was dead, his eyes dull. The corners of his mouth were smooth, not even having the will to frown.

"...Yes." Armin nodded. "I can do that."

"Thanks." 

They stood there.

"...I was gonna go out too. You can open the door and step out. I won't be offended."

"R-right." Armin opened the door and was back outside. He found it hard to believe it was still morning. Late, but still morning.

Mick sauntered out. He barely bent his legs, Armin saw, as the young man made his way down the steps.

"Hey, Mick?"

He turned completely. "Yah?" Mick's hands were in his pockets, the patch safe.

"Where are you going?"

Mick stared at him for a bit before answering. "Bathroom. Gonna wash my hands. Come back here. Grab some clean clothes. Shower. Change. Maybe help with foraging. Maybe fuck with the Unicorn Brigade. Something productive, y'know?"

"Um, yah." Armin shut the door behind him. 

Mick started to turn. "Oh, by the way, Armin? I'm glad you're alive." He then began a jerky walk to the washrooms.

A breeze picked up. Armin tucked back a sticky lock of hair and watched Mick. Once he saw the Scout disappear into the washroom, he started his way for the storehouse where their gear was.

He found two members of the Garrison keeping guard.

"Uh, the Commander said I had permission to retrieve my gear."

They looked down at him.

One rose a brow.

"You're that Armin kid, right?" The other asked.

"Yes..."

"Learn to lie better." 

They stepped aside.

His face reddened, but he ducked in and muttered a "thank you."

He looked around. Gear of the deceased was stored with the name of its owner for a month before getting recycled. It was to be inspected, checking to see if it had been a Scout's lack of luck or the shorting out of gear that led to their death.

Armin found Seana's gear, showing it still hadn't even been checked off yet.

He looked around and picked it up. Armin tilted it this way and that for starters.

The mechanism that allowed for the coils to shoot out had been dented. It was a small dent, nothing obvious with a quick glance or easy to see when just grabbing the gear on the run.

He knew Mick and Seana came off as careless fools, but they had made it into the Scouts and lasted as long as they did for a reason. They were thorough with what they did. 

Armin frowned. There was no way either of them could have missed it with their standard check-over.

So something began to gnaw in the back of his mind.

He set the gear down, respecting it and who it had once belonged to. Armin grabbed Yvonne's gear. She had been in the Legion for two years now. It was a shame she had been snatched away.

A screw on it had been stripped and loosened.

Armin stared. He set it down, trying to be careful as his hand started to shake.

No. Once was luck, twice was coincidence and three times was a plan...

Jacob's was dented something horrible in the "front," where it wouldn't be seen right away once on.

Armin grabbed Seana's gear again.

He spun and ran for the exit. Just as he reached for the doors, he stopped. No. He had to be calm about this. 

The scout walked past the two Garrison officers. 

Armin swallowed and squared his shoulders.

He marched out and made his way for Erwin's office. As he passed Mick, the boy lazily rose a brow.

Armin's lips thinned. He couldn't tell Mick, not now.

But he didn't need to. The way the young man's eyes widened told him Mick knew he was relieved of all guilt.


	20. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay! I hope you enjoy :]

The doors of the carriage closing behind him barely registered with Erwin. He took his seat across from Levi and Hanji, who were sitting rather close together. But of course they were. This wasn't a very roomy cart and he still had his gear on. They were being practical. It made no sense for them to sit opposite of each other if he was to be with them--Erwin clenched his jaw. His brain was ready to go in circles over the most banal of things and that was plenty unwanted. 

As for why, the man would not admit to himself. Erwin could pretend it was wholly to keep his brain free and ready to jump with the situatioin, but that would be a lie. He was exhausted and every part of his body was glad to remind him--joints, muscles and the sluggish organ between his ears.

Erwin let his burned hands rest on his knees. It stung to let them touch anything but he didn't let what was left of his squad know that.

The Commander felt their gaze.

"So how long do you think they'll keep us?" Hanji leaned back and ran a hand through her hair. The way the brown strands clumped together and shined indicated she hadn't washed it for at least three days now. 

"I told Jean to assume two days." Erwin replied.

"Think he can keep fort that long?" Levi asked.

Hanji shrugged. "Moblit can help him. The man can smell panic a mile away." 

The cart jerked forward. She winced.

Levi's eyes flashed. "Oi!" He jabbed his cane just past Erwin. It made a loud thunk against the wood. "Watch it! We got an injured back here, dumb-ass!"

No response. Not even an irritated smack from the other side.

"Fuckers," Levi hissed, pulling his cane back.

"I'm fine but I appreciate the thought." Hanji then turned her attention back to Erwin, still rubbing her sides. Her eyes flickered up and down.

Levi just stared.

They then exchanged glances. Levi gave a curt nod.

Hanji leaned over and took Erwin's hands.

His jaw stiffened and his lips thinned. He braced himself for their reaction as the useless things were turned over and cradled in her own hands.

A twitch of the eyebrows from Hanji and the most subtle of tension in Levi's face was all he got.

Hanji's fingers slid to his wrists. She looked past him and then back down. "Sir, you have still have some dirt on you. Allow me." 

The woman traced out a few letters. The ones chosen indicated she wanted to know what happened.

Erwin grimaced. He pulled back one hand, a red finger hovering over her palm as he debated on how to reply. 

Finally, he traced out two letters, ignoring the bite of pain. The letters he traced out were ones that stood for "civilian casualty."

Hanji's shoulders sagged. She set Erwin's hands back on his knees and turned to Levi. Her hand slid over his and she relayed the message.

Levi pulled his cane closer and rested both hands on it in response.

Nothing more was exchanged after that. 

Erwin couldn't deny he was actually grateful for the quiet. Though he wished it wasn't because they were in danger of being overheard. It certainly obstructed planning for what awaited them. But the Commander knew he could count on the two to go with whatever he'd end up saying.

It still didn't make anything pleasant. He wasn't going to lie to himself--he was worried about his Scouts. Or what was left. Pixis was a couple hours away from them, but a lot could happen in that time. He looked back down at his hands. Hell, a lot could happen in a minute. Moblit was busy with what Hanji left him to do and, quite frankly, this was the perfect exercise for seeing if Jean or Armin could lead. He was leaning towards Armin doing a better job but perhaps the threat of failure would force Jean to keep cool. Embarrassment certainly wasn't enough of an incentive.

He frowned. It was tempting to just close his eyes and lean back. Every bone ached, as did his joints. Yet another indication he was exhausted. But there was no time for rest. His mind needed to map out every possible threat the court was going to throw at them. Even Levi, who was not one for planning, was keeping his eyes open. It was clear he needed sleep, despite the fact he seemed immune to developing bags. 

The cart ride was less bumpy once they found a road, to Erwin's relief. After the first jolt, Hanji was able to mask each cringe from every rock they hit, but he saw it all. The man wouldn't consider himself a good Commander if he never noticed. ...Nor would he have seen himself as a worthwhile friend, but now was not the time to get sentimental. They were in the hands of the Military Police, slowly being delivered to what could only be the gnashing teeth of a corrupt system.

Erwin forced himself to mentally take a breath.

They would be fine. There were still members of the Garrison marching about and his Scouts were the most disciplined out there. Even if they were getting antagonized, he had faith in them to just turn away and go back to whatever tasks they had. Not only that, it was mostly the newer recruits from the MP who were there, so perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. They had yet to be corrupted by their superiors.

Erwin's fingers dug into the tough fabric of his pants. He ignored how his fingers screamed in protest. Vile. Absolutely vile that these people could just do as they pleased without any consequences. It was almost unreal--he wanted to refuse how possible it was. No Human was purely black or white yet here they were, the most darkest on the scale with almost no hint of gray. ...Nor was any Human something that could accruately be categorized on a scale of "black and white."

The air had a different taste to it, Erwin noticed, pulling him from his thoughts. He turned his head, seeing much nicer housing. Mike always claimed there was a hint of cinnamon in the air. Erwin could only trust him as he himself could never detect it. It wouldn't have surprised him seeing how nice the place was. Fountains with crystal clear water spouted out without a care, highlighting the opulence of the naive class.

Though amongst the crowds, he could see a few street urchins. How strange. Maybe he'd ask Nile about it...

Hanji had her face plastered to the window as they passed by. Levi leaned forward to see what she was looking at. Nothing in particular, Erwin saw. Just taking in the scenery. It was quite nice on the eyes, he had to concede to that. One of the houses they passed by was a lovely looking blue one with great windows and a small balcony. Erwin wondered if it was one his sister lived in. She always liked the color blue. It didn't help his curiosity in the slightest when he saw two blonde children sitting on the balcony, swinging their bare feet over the edge. He hadn't seen her in over fifteen years. They were younger than that, and she always wanted to have lots of children...

As they continued further into the city, one of the more humble but still ever-impressive churches came into view. There was a large crowd of people and music. Bits of colorful paper and vibrant petals were being thrown into the air. A man and woman, arms linked, walked down, the newlyweds ever hopeful for their future. They and the others, never minding the patchwork set of tarps, highlighting what could prove to be Humanity's greatest mistake.

Levi wrenched himself back. His eyes moving from Erwin too fast for contact to be made. He gripped his cane, a hand drifting down to one of its four nicks.

Hanji pulled back a moment later. She began to pick at a loose thread on her brown shirt, which was obviously too big for her.

Erwin decided to lean back as well. Nothing more to see. Sina's life was the same. The grass was always emerald green, the cobblestones perfectly lined and the water ever-clear. People would mill about in their starched clothes and talk of how the price for grain has gone up ever-so-slightly. Not enough to cause problems. But perhaps just enough so that they would have to reconsider if they were to see only one play or not for the week. Or maybe just another thing to add to the gossip ring around the dinner table.

He spared a glance at Levi. The corporal's hand had returned to the top of his cane. He was staring at Erwin's feet. 

"Nobody from the Garrison's covered up that hole yet," Hanji commented.

Erwin twisted around in his seat. He could barely see it from his angle, but there was certainly that patchwork of tarps, still there.

Levi gave a lazy glance. "I wonder if anyone's asked about it around here."

"I imagine so but the Cult has probably come up with some satisfactory lie." Hanji mused.

Erwin frowned. "He said not to let light touch it. The fact that they haven't done anything to seal it is is an accident waiting to happen."

Levi looked between the wood just past Erwin, then to the man himself. He rose a brow. "So Titans in the wall, eh?"

Erwin turned his head again, pressing his ear against the barrier between him and the police. Nothing. No sign of a reaction.

"Well maybe we'll find out why they haven't done anything. Perhaps community service is all we'll need to do to please them," Erwin grunted.

The woman's eyes flashed. "Scraping off bird shit? Masonry? Us, Scouts?" That feral smile of hers formed. "Oh, how I'd love to see what...material it is they use. Granite? Cement?"

"Hanji, stop before you flood the cabin with your drool."

She giggled. "Wouldn't that be a pity! I certainly hope they don't ask us..."

Levi rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Erwin felt the corners of his mouth curl up.

And then the cart stopped.

All three looked to the door. They didn't need to peer outside to know where they were.

Erwin could hear the men clambering off the front platform. Then their long, proud strides. 

The door was unlocked. A moment later they swung open.

Nile greeted them.

He looked Erwin over. "Would it be too much of me to ask you to leave your gear in the cart?"

"Yes."

The man sighed. "You haven't changed a bit."

"At least one of us can say that" Erwin replied coolly.

If it upset Nile, he didn't show it. "Follow me."

The three Scouts filed out, falling into step with one another as they made their way into the grand High Court. 

There was almost no audience. A couple injured Military Police and the Generalissimo. Nobody else.

Erwin rose a brow at Dawk.

Dawk just stared straight ahead. 

"Is this all you have to present to me of the Scouts, Smith?" The Generalissimo kept his voice level. 

Erwin rolled his shoulders back as the heavy doors were shut behind them. "This is all of my head command that is left, sir."

Zacklay looked between Smith, Levi and Hanji. "I recall there being more of you."

"As do I."

The man then looked at Dawk. "Is this all that is left of your force? I thought I saw a few prancing between buildings earlier today, seeing as the 3DMG ban had not yet been lifted."

Dawk stiffened. "No. These are the only ones from that day who are willing to speak. The rest are still recovering from the horrors."

The Generalissimo looked back to Erwin, his expression ever-neutral. "Commander Smith, do you know what your charges are?"

"Yes, though I had little time to review them. As Dawk handed me the court order, we were informed that there had been another Titan sighting within the confines of the Wall Rose. That threat, I assure you, has been eliminated. There is of course a risk there are more. But," he did not chance glancing at Dawk, "I suspect there might very well be more roaming about. We did not have the time or manpower to pursue any further."

Zacklay picked up a paper. "Your suspicion is not incorrect. But you have been brought here with the charges of 'murdering half of the Military Police force, thereby leaving the King severely under-guarded.' Along with that, it would look like the reports have said you have lost Eren to the Shifters?"

Erwin nodded. "We are doing our best to find him. It is very possible he escaped in the chaos and is hiding somewhere wavering between living or dead."

Zacklay gave a nod. "It was quite the bloodbath I heard." He glanced at Dawk then back to Erwin. "If we were to formerly charge you for having slaughtered half the Police force, you are aware of what the consequences would be, correct?"

Erwin bowed his head. "Execution."

Only if there was evidence that the move had been a power grab, of course. Erwin swallowed back rage, frustration and shock. So. The Crown thought he had culled the Military Police in an attempt to...what? Rule what was left of Humanity? Kill the King for whatever reason? The notion shouldn't have been too surprising considering the current, political climate. After all, the Scouts were considered half-mad with a Commander who probably bathed in their blood. Funny, seeing as he was the one who came up with the method to greatly reduce casualties...

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something from Dawk, bringing him back to the situation. But it was a flicker and Erwin barely saw whatever it was to begin with.

"Seeing as there are still Titans possibly roaming about, your duties are still required."

"And after they've been slain?" The Commander asked.

"We will meet again to discuss the next steps."

It was then Hanji who spoke: "And by next steps, you mean positioning us to watch the Titans in the Walls, correct?"

Zacklay looked at her. "I'm sorry, could you please repeat that?"

Hanji readjusted her glasses. "The Titans. There's one in the Wall that still needs repairing. You can't possibly imagine the people are safe if those are there, can you? You'll need people who are experienced in slaying them to keep them under control. What if the tarp falls before the Garrison can repair it?" She then rose a brow. "In fact... _why haven't_ the Garrison been patching that hole up?"

Zacklay stared at her for a moment. It bothered Erwin at how that man was impossible to read. He may have been the most level-headed in the hands of the highest-authority, but he was completely neutral. Or so Erwin hoped. It did them more good if he was on neither side than on the King's side.

"The Garrison has been tied up with keeping the refugees at bay, alongside the Military Police." His hardened eyes were back on Erwin. "You have twenty-four hours to eliminate every single Titan left within the confines of Wall Rose."

"But wouldn't that mean destroying Wall Sina?" Levi growled. "We have Titans in the wall. Do you mean the Titans that magically appeared in the territory of Rose? Or do you mean every single damn one, meaning destroy the Walls? Your orders are confusing me, sir. It may take us more than twenty-four hours to do that."

"In fact, why not you have the Military Police guard the villages once we've gotten the wandering Titans taken care of?" Hanji suggested before Zacklay could open his mouth. "Then we could get started on the ones in the Walls."

Erwin wasn't sure which he was feeling more of--proud or horrified. They certainly had their points, which he was grateful for. But they had exactly that: their points, which were right. And...judging by Zacklay's delay in replying, he wasn't as neutral as Erwin hoped.

Which meant then, fuck it, their respect could be strained.

At last, the Generalissimo spoke. "Slay the Titans that are threatening the villages. As soon as the last of them are taken care of, report back if you have found Eren's corpse or breathing body. Once that has been done with, the people will be returned, escorted by the Garrison and watched over them for one more week to be sure that you have not failed in your duty. If you have, then you will be brought back here. As for whether or not you will return to your duties, that will depend on how much better you are at knowing your place in this court."

Erwin's stomach twisted.

"Your orders have been given." He smacked the gavel. "Dismissed."

Cold spread through Erwin's body with the pounding of his heart. Slay all the Titans? They didn't even know where they were! It was natural to assume that was their duty, but to do it in twenty-four hours? With his numbers? He had to find Pixis and he had to have found him an hour ago. 

The three Scouts saluted and turned in unison. As they filed out, Dawk followed. "Erwin, a moment?"

Erwin's hands clenched into painful fists. "Don't go into that cart until I'm there with you," he whispered.

They nodded. The two continued on their way out, but kept their steps slow and exaggerated the pain they were in as they went.

"Dawk?" Erwin turned to face the man.

The man nodded to the right, towards a narrow hall.

Erwin stole a glance at Levi and Hanji. They were moving with exaggerated, labored steps. It was either to make the MP lower their guard or to try and overhear what Dawk had to say. 

He looked back to Dawk and gave a nod of his own.

The police officer made no effort to hide he was relieved Erwin was cooperating. He turned for the hall, Erwin clanking behind him.

They walked in silence, weaving through narrowing corridors. 

"That did not go how I expected it to," Dawk said at last, hand resting on a door. He pushed it open.

Erwin cringed from the sudden light. He blinked, trying to clear his vision of spots. After a moment of that, the Commander found himself in what had to be some side yard.

"I'll walk you to the cart." Dawk then frowned. "...Are you going to step out or do I have to carry you out like some princess?"

"Finally missing the old days?" Erwin asked, walking out. He tried to make sure his gear wouldn't brush up against the man.

"Hmph." Dawk pulled the door shut behind them. "Neither of us have time for pleasantries. I dragged you out here just to make sure we'd have a form of privacy while I tell you what happened in there backfired like hell."

"I'm listening."

Dawk stopped walking. He folded his arms and leaned, putting more weight on one hip than the other. Erwin could remember how he and Mike always reminded Dawk that was a bad way to stand. He even felt the faded, familiar impulse to push the man and see if he'd retained his reaction timing.

"What I was hoping was to actually have a chance to say something. You really did fuck up with killing half my men and women back there, but," he sighed and looked at a cracked brick in the wall. "Executing you is too harsh."

Erwin snorted. "Really now?"

Dawk's face hardened. "Don't think I'm doing this for sentimental reasons."

"But is that part of the foundation for your reasoning?"

"Erwin," the man growled.

"Continue..."

"I was hoping to use those two back there to show that your Scouts are still alive and fighting on despite what happened to the best of the best. If Zacklay was going to insist that execution was your sentence, then I was going to argue you're already on your way out with your reduced numbers. Letting you get killed while benefiting Humanity would have been my suggestion."

"So glad to see you've still got a pragmatic head on your shoulders."

Dawk's frown deepened. "I don't want to die any time soon. I got a kid on the way. ...But if I can help it, it'd be nicer that you die in the jaws of a Titan than the hands of us Humans."

"How many kids now?" Erwin asked. He turned to look at the walls of Sina. They were impressive and, from where he stood, flawless.

"This is the third one." Dawk muttered. He shifted on his feet. Something about his stance changed, alerting Erwin to actually turn and see.

The Commander of the Military Police had his eyes on Erwin's hands.

"...What the hell happened?" The cold, hard lines on his face melted into ones of old concern.

Erwin was quick to twitch them behind his back.

The curiosity of Dawk's reaction time was solved. His hands shot out before Erwin could completely hide his own.

Dawk's eyes widened. "Holy hell, Erwin, did you actually grab on to one with your own hands?!" He twisted the reddened palm this way and that. "We really may not have to worry about executing you."

Erwin's lips thinned. 

"You really are crazy." Dawk let go of Erwin's hand. "Look, try to not die in the process of saving Rose, all right? I'll work on a case to keep your ass out of the dirt."

Erwin let his hand hang at his side. "Nile, out of curiosity...how old is your oldest kid, again?"

"Huh? Uh, he's turning eight next month."

Erwin's hand curled into a fist. "I have another question."

"What is it?"

"What's the real reason for the Military Police being stationed with my Scouts? Zacklay himself said the King is severely unprotected."

Dawk folded his arms again. "To be honest, I only know why mine are there. It's to look good in the public's eye. There's two levels to the Military Police--I'm the face half of it." He shrugged. "If it keeps me and my family safe, I won't question it. But..." he gave Erwin a piercing glare. "The other, inner half? I can't tell you a thing about it. You're the one who's crazy enough to question, so feel free to prod at them."

Erwin snorted. "Thanks, Nile."

His old friend looked him up and down. "You still turn your back on any clocks in the room you're in?"

That got the Commander's attention. "Hm?"

Dawk ran a hand through his thinning hair. "I got you that pocket watch to celebrate surviving your first year in the Scouts. Why do you think I got that item in particular for you?"

"I had always thought of it as the popular commodity in Sina at the time." He gave Nile a rueful smile. "It would seem that was never the case?"

Dawk frowned again. "Mike, before we really started to drift, commented on your aversion to time. Don't try to play too tough and strong, Erwin. You're remarkable for lasting as long as you have in the Scouts without mutilation. And try as you might, you're still Human."

"Think you can mention that when we come back from slaying the Titans in Rose?"

"I'm not finished."

Erwin bowed his head. He kept his hands out of sight. "Continue."

"Your avoidance of time is...peculiar. I got you that watch so even if you refuse to know when you died, others will know."

The Scout blinked. He looked at Nile, studying him. His old friend was staring right back, his eyes hard and unsympathetic. But the way his fingers dug into his sleeves and how squared his shoulders were revealed something else. There were many things time could erode more easily than others.

With how Dawk held himself, it told Erwin time hadn't quite made its way to his heart. There was still room for their dated friendship.

Erwin wormed his hand past one of the hip-leathers and for a pocket. He pulled out the watch and held it up. It dangled on its chain, swinging from side to side.

Dawk's eyes twitched, following its slight movements.

"Glad you'll relent something about yourself to time, then," grunted Dawk.

Erwin put the watch into the pocket at his chest. "It looks like I'll be Scouting more than just Titans for you now, won't I?"

"Try not to die too soon. I can't imagine a replacement for you."

The man gave Dawk a vacant smile. "Will that be all, then?"

"I guess so." The man turned, heading out of the alley. "I did say I'd walk you to your cart..."

They arrived there with Levi and Hanji standing outside, just as Erwin asked. The two Military Police officers who had been their drivers looked tense. One of them was trying to make his hand on his wrist look natural, but Erwin saw through it.

So did Dawk.

"What did you do?" The head of Police growled.

"Nothing!" The officer gestured to Hanji and Levi. "I was trying to be polite, but these Scouts are crazy. The lady here looked like she needed to sit. I tried to--"

"Put her in the cart after she politely denied you," Levi hissed.

The man went pale.

"Told you to just let'm be," muttered the other officer.

"...Try not to man-handle them any further." Nile allowed annoyance to color his words. "See you tomorrow, Smith." He said. His attention was back on his officers. "You two are to report back just after sunset."

"Sir," they said in unison.

Nile turned and walked away.

Levi and Hanji looked at Erwin.

He nodded. They filed into the carriage.

Once they were seated comfortably, Hanji looked at Erwin. "That went well."

Erwin snorted. "Looks like we're not getting that community service stint."

Hanji shrugged. "Try to bring me back a specimen, would you? Preferably a burrower."

There was the snapping of reigns. The cart jerked forward.

"I make no promises." Erwin leaned back. "I hope you'll settle for me coming back in one piece."

"That's acceptable as well." Hanji then sighed. "Twenty-four hours, huh?"

"A lot can happen in that time," mused Levi. He glanced at Erwin. "You think the brats are all right back there?"

Erwin's insides twisted. Most of them were still kids and in they were kids in a den of lions. He looked back at his hands. His fingers curled and he turned the palms downwards. "I suspect their biggest obstacle, in our absence, is who's got kitchen duty and who's got cleaning duty."

"...That's right." Levi's grip on the cane tightened. "They better have that figured out..."

"Uh-oh...I know what he'll be doing when we get back." Hanji chuckled.

The Commander allowed himself a small smile.

"In the mean time," Hanji's face tightened. "We need to figure out how to lure all the Titans into one spot. Our numbers are too small to search the entirety of Rose. Even with the Garrison, it'd be impractical."

"Agreed." Erwin leaned forward, resting his chin on his knuckles. "Well, we have a few hours to figure something out, don't we?"


	21. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Quite sorry for the delay in updating. Hopefully this pattern of sparseness and overall not being on AO3 will change. Bit lengthy to kinda make up for that, oops.
> 
> But anyway, enjoy! :]

Jean was no stranger to dead bodies. The clean up from Trost had been his shove into the cold waters of reality and the expeditions reminders.

Perhaps it was the twitching. Except he had seen that too from fellow Scouts, as if their was some cruel god wanting to tug at his heart with the neural cords of the deceased. 

The pastor's face was contorted--much like his body--in terror, staring at but not registering the clouding sky. 

Something wasn't right about any of this. But the shock and confusion of _why _he was shocked left Jean in a fog. The coloration of the man's face didn't seem right. Jean was certain he recognized those markings, but his brain didn't want to make the connections. Any time he tried, his insides would tense up.__

__There was also something off about the man's nails. Jean remembered hearing Levi once mutter about how the man kept them so clean. His own mind asked the question of poetic irony that they be so clean despite the blood of the innocent..._ _

__What the hell was Jean thinking? He had been selected by Erwin himself to lead! No good leader would stay rooted to the spot, staring at a dead body. They'd be forcing themselves to move, run and get help. Find somebody to preform an autopsy or round the troops and search for the murderer. Maybe a Scout finally snapped or perhaps there was something more sinist--_ _

__"Kirstchen!" Somebody grabbed his elbow. They had quite the grip._ _

__"What the--" Jean tried to twist around. Instead he tripped over his own feet as he was dragged away._ _

__Moblit's jaw was tense enough that Jean feared for the man's teeth. "What were you thinking!" The man growled, more to himself than at Jean. His hand, though wrapped tight, was shaking. Jean wondered if the man would begin yelling at him, but with a thunder like none other. How strange that idea was to Jean. This man was always wailing at Hanji, begging her to be careful. Yet here he was, in charge and looking ready to fight. It gave Jean a vague reminder of that one mother bear they came across in training days._ _

__"Where's Arlert?"_ _

__"Huh?"_ _

__"Where's Arlert?" Moblit repeated, barely audible._ _

__As Jean stumbled to the man's side, he saw his eyes were wide and darting about._ _

__"Uh--I don't know." Jean said, blinking, trying to remember. "I think he went to forage with Mikasa and Sasha?"_ _

__Moblit muttered some coarse words._ _

__"Stay with me," he said to Jean after a moment. His grip became lax, but still he held on._ _

__"Will you let go if I agree?"_ _

__Moblit's hand fell away, balling into a fist at his sides. His strides became longer, no longer held back by the young Scout. "Did you see anything strange?" The man asked after looking around again._ _

__"Besides the dead priest?"_ _

__"...Yes. Besides that."_ _

__Jean's mouth twisted into a frown. The more he tried to think about the dead man, the more uneasy his stomach became. They were making their way to the courtyard._ _

__"Kirstchen, you've had plenty of fights with Jaeger, I'm positive you recognized what was on his face."_ _

__But why?_ _

__The question danced on the tip of Jean's tongue, ready to jump._ _

__Moblit's posture changed, once again distracting Jean from coming to a conclusion._ _

__"Squad leader!" He gasped._ _

__The cart pulled in, sending dust into the air._ _

__It came to a stop, the MP officer pulling the reigns. Neither he or his comrade had a chance to hop off as the door swung open._ _

__Erwin emerged, and despite the sheen of sweat from what had to be one stuffy cart, he still looked regal and a force to be reckoned with. His green cape fluttered as he hopped out. The gear clattered but the man moved with a seemingly permanent grace._ _

__A moment later, Hanji clambered out._ _

__Jean saw Erwin's hand twitch but stop. She was going to see herself out either from pride or just a habit of toughing it out._ _

__Levi followed her out. The way his lithe fingers curled around the hook of the cane seemed more like it was a ready-weapon than a walking aid._ _

__"Thank you." Erwin said to the Military Police. "It's best if you leave, then. Dawk wants you back before sundown."_ _

__One sneered._ _

__"We can hear," said the other._ _

__Levi slammed the door shut. "Then scram."_ _

__They didn't need to be told twice. The officer in charge of the horse tugged, ordering it to turn._ _

__As the police made their exit, Moblit tugged Jean towards him._ _

__"Squad leader!" Moblit said again. He strode over, dragging the poor Scout along. "Commander." The man snapped to attention, though slightly altered as he was apparently back to refusing to let go of Jean._ _

__Before either of his superiors could inquire, Moblit spoke: "Pastor Nick was found dead, just outside the east wing's tower. He was discovered by Kirstchen."_ _

__All eyes were on him._ _

__Jean swallowed. Why was he being treated like the one with the most vital information? He only got a semi-decent look at the corpse. Not only that, the shock cluttered most of what he saw and admitting that was not going to be fun or easy. There was a difference between his unfiltered honesty and a sense of pride._ _

__"I, uh--well," the hairs on the back of Jean's neck stood. "I saw something from the corner of my eye followed by a real loud 'thud.' When I went over to look, I found the pastor. His nails looked...different. Red. Shorter. Sorta glossy? And his face looked a bit like he had gotten into a...fight."_ _

__Something in Erwin's eyes flashed._ _

__"Jean, gather your fellow Scouts." His eyes strayed. "Sasha."_ _

__"Sir?"_ _

__Jean turned to see she had been walking by with a bucket of water, half of which had slopped over._ _

__"Assist Jean in gathering all of your able-bodied Scouts." He then looked to Moblit. "I need Pixis here now."_ _

__"Sir!" Moblit saluted, spun and sprinted away._ _

__"Uh, sir, where would you like me to put this bucket, then?"_ _

__"If it's for the stables, then be quick." He turned on his heel. "We are to meet at the mess hall in twenty minutes. Do not leave each other alone in that time."_ _

__"Ah! Right away!" Sasha wrapped her arms around the bucket. "Hurry up, Jean, you're going to slow me down!"_ _

__"Hey!" Jean's head snapped between her and his commanding officers. "That's not my fault!" He called out, chasing after her._ _

__"Do you know why he just gave the orders he did? As in...the meeting and not straying from one another?" Sasha asked, skidding to a halt at the water trough._ _

__"I know half of the reasons?" Jean tried._ _

__"Really?"_ _

__Jean spied two Military Police walking by--the real stiff looking guy and smug girl. "In a bit," he muttered._ _

__Sasha saw them too. "Right." She set the bucket down. "Let's go, then. I know Mikasa went to wash up, Armin to check on Connie..."_ _

__Great. "Scattered all over the damn place, augh."_ _

__"And we can't split up because...?"_ _

__"I'll tell you when we're not near any vermin," Jean began for the washroom. He didn't want to admit it, and Sasha probably knew it too--he didn't think he could face Connie. Not with the time constraint Erwin had given them._ _

__As luck would have it, Seana was stepping out of the showers. Her hair was a few shades darker and still shining._ _

__"Seana, is Mikasa still in there?" Jean asked._ _

__"Uh." She stared. It looked like the girl wanted to make a joke, but their expressions made her choose otherwise. "Yah. Why?"_ _

__"Sasha, you go tell her--"_ _

__"The Commander said not to get separated," she protested._ _

__"I'll be there in a second!" Jean's attention was back on Seana. "We have to meet in the mess hall in less than twenty minutes. Go tell the others. I think Armin's in the infirmary..."_ _

__"Can do." Seana bowed her head. She sped off, her hair flowing much like her cloak._ _

__"Jean!" Sasha waved him over, rapid and tense._ _

__"Okay, okay!" A hand flew to the side of his face. Although the Scouts had a very limited view of personal space, what little privacy they could afford was respected. Unless they walked in together while conversing, Jean did not consider himself invited to see Mikasa however she likely was in there._ _

__"You city people," Sasha huffed._ _

__"What's going on?" Mikasa voice cut through the damp air like one of her own blades._ _

__"The Commander's ordering a meeting in the mess hall," Jean said, his hand down and his eyes on Mikasa's bare feet._ _

__He noticed her nails were clean. They had been "trimmed" as best as a Scout could without clippers. Jean looked at a wall, the image of the pastor's own red, glossy nails flashing in his mind._ _

__"Has Armin been told?"_ _

__"Seana's doing that now."_ _

__"All right. I know Dieter is there, along with many others, so she'll tell them while there. I believe I saw Yvonne and Jacob tend to the vegetable patch."_ _

__"Great. Did you see anybody else? Mick? Drake?"_ _

__"Those two went to the mess hall."_ _

__"Looks like we have most of everybody taken care of--oh."_ _

__Jean looked at Sasha. Her shoulders were hunched and she was staring at the ground._ _

__Oh._ _

__That was all they had left who could fight._ _

__"C'mon, let's go see if there are a few others. I'm sure there are..." Jean turned, not wanting to be in the humidity any longer._ _

__To Jean's disappointment, there weren't many others to find. He and Sasha arrived at the designated meeting spot with seconds to spare._ _

__They took their seats with Armin and Mikasa._ _

__"How's Eren doing?" Jean whispered, tugging his shirt down as he sat._ _

__Armin frowned. "Antsy. Some of the injured aren't doing well..."_ _

__"We're waiting on Deiter." Mikasa glanced at Erwin. "Charles isn't likely to make it to tomorrow. He's saying goodbye."_ _

__Jean's heart sank. "Any news on the others...?"_ _

__"Nina's okay. Gregory's not doing well either and Helga..." Armin shook his head._ _

__The door creaked open. Jean looked to see Deiter skitter in with his head hanging low. The young man plunked down into an empty chair, not sitting too close to anybody._ _

__Jean looked back to Erwin. The man's blue eyes studied each face. Perhaps he was trying to make the announcement personal. ...Or perhaps see if there was a mole he needed to smoke out._ _

__"A death has occurred on our grounds," Erwin began._ _

__Silence._ _

__"But that is not why I have called you all here."_ _

__Some Scouts let out sounds of confusion. Many looked to one another, eyebrows raised and lips twisted into frowns._ _

__"I have been given orders from the Generalismo to exterminate every Titan within Wall Rose. We are to do this within the next twenty-four hours."_ _

__That got a vocal outcry. Almost everyone in the room exclaimed--some were curses to the king. But most were loudly demanding to know how they were going to complete the task._ _

__Levi smacked his cane against the wall. Everyone quieted down instantly._ _

__"Thank you, Levi." Erwin then returned his attention to the others. He rested his hands at the small of his back. "It is too late in the day to set out--the sun will set in a couple hours. Instead, we will set out at dawn. If Hanji's research is applicable to a bulk of the Titan population, they will be sluggish until later in the morning. Or, if luck is on our side, they will be like the ones some of us encountered today, of which were slow even in the sun."_ _

__He paused. Nobody said a word, hoping their Commander would say more. Perhaps even give them words of encouragement that tomorrow would not be the end of the world for them or Humanity._ _

__"Remember the orders I gave you the other day at dinner?"_ _

__There was another pause, this time from the Scouts. It took Jean a moment to realize he was referring to the journals. Or...whatever else he may have given to the others. Huh. Only then did it properly occur to Jean that he may have intentionally given a different task to each table. He, with the others, gave a nod and 'yes.'_ _

__"See to that when I dismiss you. Currently, our plans consist of getting a hold of Pixis. From there, he and his Garrison will lure the remaining Titans just outside of Trost where they will be eliminated. We will not be alone in this endeavor--along with luring, the Garrison will be fighting alongside us."_ _

__A hand rose._ _

__Erwin looked. "Yes, Seana?"_ _

__"What about the Military Police?"_ _

__Somebody snickered. It was silenced with a single glance from the Commander._ _

__"They and some of the Garrison will remain here to guard the injured." A strand of hair fell in front of his face. "It will be business as usual, but with the advantage of the Walls."_ _

___Yah, assuming whatever's in them doesn't decide to see what all the noise is about._ Jean thought with more bitterness than fear._ _

__"I advise you all to rest up and go to bed early. Have your gear at your bedside to minimize preparation time--we will all meet here for breakfast."_ _

__Not that any one would want to eat, Jean imagined. The nervousness about impending missions seemed to be some half-beneficial survival trait. If they were too queasy to eat much, then the chances of fat-cat syndrome or cramping were non-existent._ _

__"Any questions?"_ _

__It was Sasha who rose her hand._ _

__"Sasha?" Erwin's brow twitched._ _

__"You said there was a death on our grounds. I know that this is not why you called us here, but is it acceptable to ask who it was and all of us, save for Hanji's squad, is here?"_ _

__It was then Jean noticed that she was indeed correct--Moblit, Gen, Keiji, and Helen were missing._ _

__Erwin allowed a small smile. "We are looking into it as we speak. The body in question is our Pastor."_ _

__"Good thing we don't believe in whatever he was selling," Jean heard Mick mutter. "Or I'd consider that one bad omen..."_ _

__"If there are no more questions, you are dismissed. Dinner will be served at sundown."_ _

__Not that anyone besides maybe Sasha would eat. Jean stayed where he was, processing the information. So that's how a good leader responded--focusing on the big picture and had his subordinates deal with the abnormality. Pastor Nick probably fell from the window and tore his nails off on the way down. Jean felt like an idiot--and perhaps even a bit sick--at how long it took him to piece that together. During their early training days, many of the cadets tore off nails either mishandling the 3DMG or from stopping themselves from a fall._ _

__"Ah, good, I'm glad you four stayed. I had something extra to say."_ _

__Jean looked up, Erwin towering over him, Sasha, Armin and Mikasa._ _

__"Sir?" Armin asked, ready to hop to his feet._ _

__"You noticed something off about my announcement, I hope?"_ _

__Before Jean could even repeat the speech in his head, Armin nodded._ _

__"You revealed too much again. The Trost district is not where we're meeting, is it?"_ _

__Another smile. "Correct, Armin. We will be meeting outside the Stoheese district instead." His eyes were then on Jean. "If you don't mind, Jean, I would like to meet with you after dinner to tell me again what you saw when you found the Pastor's body."_ _

__"Uh, sure."_ _

__"And...I would like it if the four of you stayed together for the rest of the day and into the night."_ _

__The four exchanged glances. "Do you suspect foul play?" Armin's voice was quiet, soft and fearful._ _

__Erwin's head dipped forward ever-so-slightly._ _

__Armin's nails scraped against the table. It made Jean shiver._ _

__"Hanji's squad is arranging a...talk with the MP who were on guard."_ _

__"Speaking of which, I should go and see how that's going. Perhaps injured little old me will lull them into thinking they can bully me and do something stupid." Hanji gave a wry grin to Jean and his companions. "See you at dinner," she said to Erwin and Levi._ _

__Jean watched her hobble out. It was depressing yet encouraging to see her go. Yes, Hanji was injured and could barely walk. Yet that did nothing to stop her from parting with the words of the Scouts. Something told Jean she'd drag herself to The Answer if it presented itself to her. ...Even if she was bleeding from both stumps that had formerly been her legs._ _

__He shook his head, trying to get the morbid image out of his mind._ _

__"Perhaps we should check on Connie, then?" Sasha suggested._ _

__"If you see him, let him know the real plan." Erwin said. He then looked to Levi. "We need to prepare a few things for the Garrison."_ _

__Levi said nothing. He simply followed Erwin out._ _

__"...I thought Moblit went to get Pixis." Jean said._ _

__"I saw the flaxen haired Military Police girl getting a horse ready. Since she showed up first on the fast horse, she's probably delivering the message to Pixis." Armin said, standing up._ _

__"Makes sense..." Jean muttered. They filed out of the mess hall and made their way for the infirmary. As they got closer, Jean found his feet got heavy with every step and his head lighter. He glanced at Sasha. She had gone pale and was looking ill._ _

__When they entered, they saw Deiter was sitting on a stool. He was staring at his hands. Nina was nearby, looking restless. The medic who was in charge of the front stepped aside, letting them through._ _

__They crossed the first room and entered the second, where the more injured were._ _

__Jean kept his eyes straight ahead, not wanting to risk them straying to where Charles laid._ _

__There was a flutter just under Connie's bed._ _

__"It's us," Mikasa said._ _

__He poked his head out, green eyes wide and shimmering._ _

__Jean glanced at Connie. His cheeks were shining. He felt a flash of rage. Did Eren tell him?_ _

__"Erwin wants us to give you an update on the situation." Armin said before any questions could be asked._ _

__Connie's eyes flickered towards them. With effort, half of which was waving off Eren's help, he turned to look at them._ _

__It was a brief retelling. Like the others, it seemed that Eren and Connie were more reactive to the Titan slaying orders than the pastor's death._ _

__"But the Stoheese district?" Eren gaped. "Isn't that where the hole..."_ _

__Armin nodded._ _

__"Ah." Eren leaned against Connie's bed. "...Do you think he's planning something?"_ _

__"I'd be more surprised if he wasn't." Jean ran a hand through his hair. Huh. He was going to have to cut it soon._ _

__"Well...guess you guys better get ready, eh?" Connie's voice was small and it made Jean hurt. "Sorry, I'm not that talkative right now..."_ _

__Eren frowned. "I'll see you guys to the door at least..."_ _

__As the door closed behind them, Jean heard Eren offer Connie water. Yet another delay in the delivery of awful news._ _

__"It's like fate doesn't want us to tell him." Jean grumbled._ _

__"I'm going to check on the horses," Sasha announced. "If I have a task, I won't be tempted to sneak back and tell him," she sighed._ _

__"Hm." Mikasa looked at the sky. "It's going to be cloudy tomorrow."_ _

__Armin leaned back, stretching his back and snatching a view of the sky. "Looks like it."_ _

__Mikasa rubbed the back of her hand, where a faint scar could be seen. "...Armin, let's get our gear. Jean, Sasha would you like us to grab yours?"_ _

__"If you don't mind." Sasha said._ _

__Jean rubbed the back of his neck. "Sure. Thanks."_ _

__Mikasa said nothing, turning to the shack that held their gear. Armin waved at them and followed her._ _

__~+~+~_ _

__Jean stared at the ceiling. This one different and further away but just as boring. One nice thing about being at the old headquarters--well, now back to current--was less cramped rooms. Or, at least, that's what awaited them. They were still in the cabins, but that was in part from Levi's orders. They weren't allowed the more comfortable, roomier spaces until everything was absolutely spotless._ _

__He pinched the bridge of his nose. Levi was quite the interesting character to put it bluntly. With more words, he was half-insane. Or so Jean felt. They were crawling with police and he wasn't going to let the Scouts sleep proper--even before an insane mission--because their rooms weren't spotless? What was he trying to do, prove a point? Jean was pretty sure this would just make the Scouts look less useful if they were spending all their time cleaning. Hell, the damn Garrison had gone through it all! Apparently Pixis' standards were far below Levi's, despite outranking him by a lot._ _

__But Jean wouldn't deny him any respect. It actually surprised him, as Jean reflected to earlier, at how Levi's gaze never strayed. When he had been asked to recount what happened with the Pastor's body, the little corporal listened the entire time. Even when he described the nails and facial markings, Levi waited for him to finish._ _

__Supposedly the man had been tortured. When Hanji half-ambushed the MP who were keeping an eye on him, their suspicions were confirmed. Their own knuckles were scraped and bruised._ _

__Jean's insides began to twist again. They'd been doing that a lot lately, he noted, and it made sleep and eating more of a chore. He had been given the order to tell his Scouts not to trust the MP but say nothing more. Whoever remained after their mission could worry about the why._ _

__A sensation began. It was heavy, warm and worst of all: familiar. Anatomically, Jean guessed it started somewhere nestled in the lower ends of his small intestines. He'd seen the sketches of what the Human body was like. They all had their crash-course in first aid. He'd also seen his dead classmates and citizens in Trost; though to be fair, those weren't exactly specimens to be praised for anatomical accuracy._ _

__He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes._ _

__So this was the life of a Scout. Every few months the orders would be given and you'd panic about what just had to be the end of the world. Then somehow luck favored you and you didn't die, the cycle would resume. Perhaps if luck was feeling generous, a method to deal with it could be conceived._ _

__Jean wasn't sure he wanted a cure. But as the sensation made its way, wrapping around his lungs and weaving through his ribs..._ _

__He rolled over. The Scout knew it was only a matter of time before Erwin was knocked off and he would have to rise to the occasion to replace him._ _

__But Jean refused to be a complete replacement. He wouldn't accept whatever sedative his brain provided. And to think this was the life he enlisted in training to avoid. What would younger him say?_ _

__~+~+~+~_ _

__The bells for waking were too loud._ _

__Jean didn't know when he finally drifted off to the purgatory of sleep, but he did know his stay wasn't long enough. He sat up, stretching his arms._ _

__Armin, who had the bunk below him, was clambering out himself. Jean heard a thunk and then cursing from Mick. Looking down he could see the young man had smacked his leg on the ladder._ _

__Sasha was already grumbling about breakfast. Due to the reduction in numbers and Erwin's buddy-system rules back in place, it just made more sense to have everybody in the same cabin._ _

__Jean faced the wall as he changed, keeping his eyes glued to an odd ring formation in one of the planks. The lack of conversation made the air colder and more stifling. It was the gentle fluttering of fabric that filled the cabin. Then as if to show how synchronized they already were, the clinks and clatters of the belts began. Their gear would be put on later--the real chore was the belts._ _

__Once they were done, they began to look over their gear. It was still dark out and, judging by the lack of chirping, it'd be like that for another half hour. They would have time to look, look again and even eat in between that. If they wanted to._ _

__"Everything's fine," Mick announced, handing Seana her gear._ _

__Jean was pleased to see his gear was fine as well. Not that it wouldn't have been, but the double-check always gave some scrape of peace of mind._ _

__Breakfast was something warm. That was about all Jean registered. Warm and maybe even bland. At least the tea was strong._ _

__The burst of cold air told Jean he was back outside. Then he was heading back to the barracks for their gear and then they would get on their horses and gather. It was only a matter of time before they caught up with the Garrison's Titan trove. How many may have died on that excursion--_ _

__It was an atrocious mix of sorrow, rage and...nothing human. The wail sliced through the air. Nausea seized Jean, the cloudy sensation of deja vu molded itself to his brain. He could feel the echoes of the scream bouncing between his bones and the sky._ _

__Mikasa and Armin grabbed each other. "That..." Armin breathed._ _

__Jean could hear the squish of grass behind him. He jumped aside just in time to let Erwin sprint by. The man was heading straight for the infirmary._ _

__Oh, fuck, the infirmary._ _

__A couple MP had beaten Erwin to the door. His heart began to race as time seemed to slow. How he wished it hadn't...he didn't want to be forever suspended in this awful dread. Just let them find Eren. Let the MP put them all under arrest. Then they could escape and be at the heart of Sina when they got out. Maybe show the world the truth, something everybody deserved..._ _

__Instead none of that happened._ _

__Maybe the world sped up or maybe Jean made the deadly mistake of not paying attention. The next thing he saw was the two MP speeding out and an angry Erwin at their heels._ _

__"...of mine dies and you're ready for an arrest? Go back to your drills. You are on my grounds and you are to follow those orders, is that clear?"_ _

__"Sir," both exclaimed with a combination of fear and insult. They tried to look graceful as they made their way back to the stone halls of the castle._ _

__All eyes of the Scouts and some of the Garrison were on Erwin._ _

__"Gregory Yenstoff has, unfortunately, passed. The infection worsened and became septic. It spread throughout his system in a matter of hours."_ _

__Jean blinked. This was not a good start to the day, even with the gentle light of the peeking sun._ _

__"I want everyone to gear up. We will mourn for him when we return and have slain all the Titans."_ _

__"Sir!"_ _

__An outsider might view their responses as automatic, but Jean knew otherwise. Even if their single word of obedience was given within seconds of the command, it was always by choice._ _

__Jean jogged to catch up with the others. Deiter pushed the door open. He was the first one in and the first one out, somehow careful to not let his gear brush up against the others. Jean himself was just connecting the gas canisters when Dieter ran back, face pale._ _

__"A black flare!"_ _

__Jean rushed to connect the last of his gear._ _

__"What went wrong?" Mikasa demanded._ _

__"I don't know!" Deiter spun around and jumped past the steps, making it for the stables._ _

__Everybody else connected their gear, making it for the door._ _

__"Jean, hurry up!"_ _

__"Hang on!" Jean hopped up and down. His gear sank on his left. "Shit, see!?" He snapped, reapplying it. It looked like he had been a bit careless. With another jump, he confirmed the gear was stable._ _

__"See?" He repeated, catching up to Sasha._ _

__"Did something go wrong?" Mick asked as the Scouts ran together like a pack._ _

__"Well, if there's a black flare..." Jean began._ _

__Moblit was on his horse, slowing it to a lope. "The Titans were following the Garrison when they made a sudden turn for here."_ _

__"What!?" One Scout yelled._ _

__Jean saw Mikasa and Armin look at each other. He realized they were thinking about Eren. No way could that have come from him..._ _

__"We're grouping just outside the north of headquarters." Moblit tugged the rains. His horse reared up on its hind legs, turning. It galloped away, Moblit barking orders at any other confused Scout or Garrison._ _

__One way or the other, Jean found himself on his horse, following the other Scouts out._ _

__Mikasa and Armin had taken the lead._ _

__Jean found that Mick and Seana were to his left. He glanced between the two duos before making his decision._ _

__"Seana, Mick." Jean glanced again to make sure Armin couldn't hear._ _

__"Yah?" Mick looked up._ _

__"Could you two keep an eye on Armin out there?" Considering how last time a Titan grabbed the poor boy..._ _

__The two stared at him. They looked at one another then back to Jean. "You got it," they said with a nod._ _

__Erwin was waiting for them outside their little castle walls. His face was, no surprise, set and a perfect display of calm._ _

__"It would appear that the Titans have all become some form of aberrant," he announced. "A flare--spotted perhaps five miles out--was just released. Judging by the shaking of trees and continual firing of black flares, the Titans are rushing over to here." He steadied his horse. "The fact that the flares are continuing also implies the Titans are not interested in them. Be prepared to act fast and, on my mark, retreat and regroup. If we are forced to retreat, we will regroup outside Stoheese." Erwin's horse began to turn. "Scouts," he drew a blade._ _

__"The Garrison will be taking care of the Titans as well. Trust them." Erwin then pointed forward. "Advance!"_ _

__His own horse shot forward._ _

__Jean kept close. He noticed Mick and Seana split, rushing ahead to do just as he asked._ _

__His throat was dry and his heart thundered. Jean hoped he wouldn't find out what breakfast was before this was all over._ _

__In the distance, Jean could see them. It was funny in a twisted sort of way. They were so tiny._ _

__But something wasn't right. Jean squinted, as if that would help any._ _

__He glanced at Erwin--the Commander must have seen something was wrong too. Jean looked back at the Titans. They were still pretty small._ _

__A trio of Garrison were riding in a wide arc with the intention to be at Erwin's side._ _

__Jean kept his attention divided between the Titans and Erwin._ _

__Somewhere between the attention hopping, he saw Erwin hold up his arm._ _

__The Scouts slowed their horses to a canter._ _

__Erwin nodded. He twisted around to speak: "According to the Garrison, the Titans have stopped. They're standing but do not let your guard down. They may start up again. Be quick and take advantage of this but if the begin to move again, take those ones out first. Understood?"_ _

__"Sir!"_ _

__Erwin turned forward again. "Resume charge!"_ _

__Jean's knuckles were becoming white. He spied Mick and Seana looking over their shoulders at him. Seana nodded to Armin._ _

__He frowned. Sure the Titans weren't moving but..._ _

__The Scout looked to Sasha. She had a good intuition, maybe there was something she wanted to say? Not that she had any idea what Jean was thinking or doing, of course._ _

__She was pale and shaking. Her eyes were wide and locked on the Titans. He was used to her fear and reluctance to go out and fight. But something about how she clenched her jaw and the way her fingers were wrapped around the reigns made it different. Jean didn't know why it was those two things in particular that stood out, but something clearly set off her freaky intuition._ _

__He looked back to Seana. Her gaze was back to the Titans but Mick had taken over on the confirmation._ _

__Jean shook his head. He flashed two fingers at his eyes then at Armin, just to be sure Mick understood._ _

__Mick bowed his head forward. He did something--hiss? Whistle?--to get Seana's attention. Whatever it was, it worked. He gave her a quick nod and they were both back to looking ahead._ _

__They got close enough to see just how many Titans there were. Enough to populate at least half a village Jean saw with rising horror._ _

__But they were standing there, eyes vacant and mouths slack._ _

__Jean dug his nails into his palm. He had to stay focused on the Titans, not the terror swelling within._ _

__Already a couple were falling. That should have been a good thing, but the moment the slain two hit the ground the chaos began._ _

__The Titans started to twitch and groan. Next the ground began to shake as their gargantuan feet moved._ _

__Jean was in the column meant to split to the left. So he did exactly that, eyes on an outlier. It was a 6M. As soon as he was within range, Jean drew his blades. The hooks shot out, hissing through the air. He jumped from his horse and sailed towards it. Others were following his lead, trying to tackle as many as possible before the Titans remembered they had hands._ _

__He raced up the steaming back of his chosen prey. Within seconds there was a spray of scalding hot red. As it was falling, Jean was already searching for the next Titan to attack._ _

__Some of the others weren't so lucky. Like a sluggish ripple effect, the Titans were starting to get more and more animated. Those on the edge weren't so active yet and Jean was going to take use that to his advantage._ _

__Deiter zipped by. Somebody from the Garrison went in the opposite direction, feet below. Jean kept himself above them both and dove for another Titan. One hook made its home in its cheek and the other in its shoulder._ _

__There was a scream. Jean saw the Garrison member get caught in the Titan's grip. "C'mon," Jean urged his gear. The guard was flailing, trying to cut his way out as he was pulled closer to its teeth._ _

__Jean sliced the neck, almost torquing his arm in the process. He spun to see the twitching legs of the Garrison member._ _

__He spat, cursing and making his way for an even more active one. Anger began to mix with the adrenaline. Through his peripherals he saw Seana's golden hair shine as she trailed after Armin. Mikasa was hopping by. Her graceful form would pause and there would be splash of scarlet before she was back in the air. Sasha was some brown zig zag, Titans fumbilng and tripping others seconds after she streaked by._ _

__The sun was beginning to shine through the clouds. Sweat was slithering down Jean's back. He wasn't sure which Titan he was on. "Sasha!" He called out, keeping one hook embedded in the Titan. It was fully functional now. "I need back up!"_ _

__"Ya!" Sasha hollered back. Seconds later the Titan lurched forward._ _

__Jean spared no time in slaying it. "Let's say together, they're getting worse!"_ _

__"Won't argue!"_ _

__Their world became a game of swinging in the perma-earthquake. People would scream, Titans would fall and the ground would shake. Steam twisted and curled into the air and still there were more. How the hell could so many have been missed--_ _

__"Jean!" Sasha shrieked._ _

__He twisted, the Titan only grabbing his lower leg._ _

__Jean slammed the free leg down. It was a weak grip, his tendons fine and muscles not ruptured. But it was pulling him into the mouth._ _

__"Shit, shit," Jean swung his arm down trying to cut the wrist._ _

__Armin shot by, crimson exploding around him._ _

__Jean wasted no time on thank yous or the surprise--those could wait._ _

__More and more fell and the screams lessened. Eventually there was nothing but evaporating Titan parts and sweaty Scouts and guards._ _

__Jean hopped off the last Titan, grateful for the grass. It was unsurprisingly wet but still springy. He took a deep breath and immediately regretted it--the smell was still strong in the air._ _

__Once he was done gagging, Jean straightened up to survey the damage._ _

__There were mangled bodies everywhere._ _

__Jean blinked. There was no way that amount could have been allowed. It shouldn't have been possible. The Titans were slow...even when the began to move again...by the time half of them could move..._ _

__He saw Armin clambering over to Mikasa, pale but alive._ _

__Something else caught Jean's attention. He turned to see Mick shambling forward. The look on his face made Jean taste bile._ _

__"H-hey, Jean," Mick had a vacant stare. "Armin's safe, right?"_ _

__Jean swallowed. "Uh, yeah..." he gave a jerky nod._ _

__"We're safe too? No more Titans?"_ _

__Jean just nodded._ _

__Mick's chapped lips pulled back. "Okay. Good." He twisted around and took a few steps._ _

__Jean's eyes drifted down to where Mick had stopped. There was a bloody, pulpy mess with two pale hands sticking out. Golden hair radiated from it..._ _

__A shrill scream escaped Mick. He fell to his knees and clutched at his face, pulling his cheeks down as he began to hyperventilate._ _

__Jean raised a hand, ready to take a step forward. But Erwin was already on it, his strides long and quick. He watched as the Commander knelt down, a calm hand planted on Mick's shoulder._ _

__"Mick," Erwin's firm voice cut through the shrieking that came from him._ _

__Instead of responding, the Scout continued to wail._ _

__"Octet," Erwin said with more force._ _

__Mick took a few heaving breaths. "S-Seana Pen-Pentet," he gasped out. "104th Train--training Co-Co-Corps!" He took in a sharp breath. "She wasn't supposed to die under that name!" He moaned, burying his face in his hands._ _

__Jean wanted to look away. But Erwin's gaze kept Jean's. The man's eyes were on the remains of Seana. The cracked and snapped ribs shined in the morning light. But the own light Erwin's eyes held smouldered and flickered._ _

__It made Jean shiver. For a brief moment, he swore Erwin looked ready to kill._ _

__The man's expression softened as soon as they were back on Mick._ _

__Jean stared, trying to piece the situation together. The muted questions in the back of his mind began to regain their voice._ _

__"We have defeated all the Titans."_ _

__Erwins' voice rang out across the meadow._ _

__Jean looked to see the Commander was standing. Mick was still on his knees, reduced to sniveling._ _

__"The residents of Wall Rose are safe. Because of our efforts, they may return home."_ _

__Yah, Jean thought, taking a step towards the corpse of a guard. But ours can't._ _

__"We will begin collecting those who have fallen and the injured. There is no rush. But move quickly out of respect for your comrades." Erwin knelt down again. He slipped his hands under Seana's cape. After what had to be a few gentle words to Mick, he moved to help._ _

__Jean started on the fallen guard he saw. Sasha had appeared from somewhere, making the job easier._ _


	22. |cluster|

It was a rare chance at having down time, of which Mikasa was using to her advantage. It was strange to be alone. She was certainly an aloof person to her Scouts, but always with Armin or Eren or both if she could help it. This time, though, she could not. Eren was in the infirmary and she was going to have to respect Connie's wish to be left alone. Armin was helping with the gear maintenance. 

So here she was, sitting in one of the many halls of their new home. She had been ordered to care for the fourth floor's east wing with Sasha. The two had finished it up and were now doing their own thing. Sasha was getting tea (and probably going to swipe a cookie, to Mikasa's annoyance). Mikasa herself was doing something she had not had a chance to do in a long time--embroidery. It was one of the traditions from Her People, Mikasa had been told. The various patterns were engrained into her memory--much like the one her mother imparted on her hand. It was her duty, now, the last of them, to maintain their sigils and colors.

Acquiring the needed materials was not that difficult, Mikasa had found. Everything she needed could be found with where they kept their uniforms and necessary tools to keep them crisp and impressive. The only bit of difficult was getting the right colors. They had plenty of green, black, white, brown, tan and cream. Blue, red, gold...those were harder. But fortunate for her there was a rag pile. Old clothes the Scouts out grew or ruined, those weren't issued--they were from home. Those had a plethora of colors.

It was quite the fortuitous find, Mikasa thought.

And there was no crime in her getting needles. She could have easily used a small pair of scissors but...Mikasa always cut her thread with a knife. It was something she had grown accustomed to since the home invasion, and something Carla never corrected her on.

So now Mikasa was back in the hallway, sitting on a bench with rags and thread, ready for use. There were plenty of thick twigs she could carve to serve as spools, but that could wait. She had the image of the old symbol she wanted to use. The desire to sew had seized Mikasa with such suddenness it felt unwise to deny it. Though there were no headaches, there was something about this urge that reminded her of them.

She tightened the embroidery hoop. The sigil had been sketched out lightly with charcoal. Mikasa selected a red rag and began to pull at the loose thread.

There was the familiar sound of boots on stone.

Mikasa slid the needle into the cotton fabric. She reached for the blade and did not let go until the flaxen haired officer stopped just short of an arm's length from her.

"You're that real good one, right?" She asked.

Mikasa kept her face neutral. She set the blade down and resumed pulling at the thread.

The girl rose a brow. "Hm? Hey, I'm talking to you."

"And I'm not." Mikasa replied. The thread was a bit thinner than she wanted, but it would have to do. She looked at the piece she was going to work on. It could work with an extra red boarder, perhaps. This rag had plenty to go around for her small piece of work.

"Hey, I outrank you, you know."

Mikasa forced herself to breathe in through the nose. 

"What are you doing, anyway?" The girl put a fist on her hip.

She weighed the outcomes. On the one hand, Mikasa could continue to ignore her in hopes she'd get the hint and leave. On the other hand, there was a chance this could start trouble and the Scouts were worn pretty damn thin already.

Mikasa did not have time for this, but neither did what was left of their family.

"Embroidery." Mikasa said at last.

"You can do that?"

Did the woman mean that as in she was surprised Mikasa herself was capable of such a delicate task, or the fact that the Scouts could have hobbies? Surely it couldn't have been the latter. Hopefully not--it would be rather embarrassing if the King's guard was that thick and stupid. ...No wonder Jean had been attracted to them initially.

Okay, that was mean.

Instead of responding with words, Mikasa cut the string. She stuck the thread in her mouth and then threaded the needle. 

The girl got closer.

"I'm Hitch, by the way."

Mikasa stuck the needle through the fabric. 

"That's an interesting design." Hitch said, getting even closer.

There had to be a way to get her to back off without coming off as too menacing.

"Wait a second." Hitch stopped, just a foot short of her. "Are you using... _rags_ for this?" The laughter was at the heels of her words.

As if to make a point, Mikasa pulled the needle through with ease and started on a chain stitch. 

"Wow! You guys are real pressed for money!" Hitch snickered. "I can't believe you're using scraps..."

"It is much more fitting to reuse than waste."

Mikasa looked up. Sasha was standing just past the corner of the hall. She was holding the journal Erwin had issued her.

The girl crossed over and stopped just short of the bench. "The supplies may be a constant here, but a constant can easily be disrupted." She sat down, eyes no longer on Hitch but Mikasa's work.

She had to pause. Sasha's constant grab at food at any given chance certainly followed her reasoning. Where she came from, the food supply really had been unpredictable, which had permanently affected her. Although, there was more than just food that could be rationed. 

Hitch made no intention of leaving. In fact, she decided to lean against the wall and watch Mikasa work.

Sasha popped open the journal and began to write in it.

"What, they make you guys keep journals too?" Hitch began to examine her nails.

"It is a cleaning log. A lack of cleanliness is a sign of decline in discipline." Sasha lied calmly. Her handwriting was an illegible scrawl, Mikasa saw with a glance.

Hitch said nothing more.

Praise be, perhaps Mikasa could get something done in silence.

But whatever Sasha was working on, it didn't take too long. Her attention was now on Mikasa's embroidery.

"Do you want me to help pull the thread?" 

Mikasa paused again. "Oh. Actually, yes. Thanks."

Sasha grinned. She picked up a swatch of cloth had was a pleasant blue. "My father used to do this." 

Mikasa glanced at Hitch. Was Sasha trying to strike up conversation or talk in a way that would, hopefully, make the MP girl realize she really wasn't wanted?

"Did he ever teach you how to sew?" Mikasa asked after a moment.

"Just enough to keep my dress from falling apart." 

The ease and speed she moved indicated this was a common practice at her village. 

As Mikasa continued to work on the boarder of the circle, Sasha secured a thick loop of lake blue thread. "You found a very nice selection." Sasha said, her fingers running along the other colors. "How did you find this gold one?"

Mikasa shrugged. "It was there in the pile."

"You move fast," Hitch said, trying to join in. "You're already through with half that little cluster."

Indeed Mikasa had most of the circle done. Instead of answering her, she spoke to Sasha: "Sasha, do you think you could start on the green thread? I may need it next already."

"Sure thing!" She reached for a grassy green. It had come from a cloak that hadn't been dyed right, so its colors wore away fast in the sun. Her fingers pushed aside a ribbon of emerald.

It was strange at how fast her complexion changed. Even in her hands, the color seemed to disappear.

"Sasha?" Mikasa's embroidery fell into her lap.

The Scout blinked, her lips pursed. "I'm fine." She said after a moment, hand on her abdomen.

"No you're not."

"Why again," Sasha muttered.

Mikasa's frown deepened. "Let's see if the infirmary has something."

"They normally don't." Sasha muttered. "But it is nothing serious. Stop hovering, please? I can stand on my own."

Mikasa hadn't even realized her hands were indeed hovering over Sasha's shoulders, ready to help the girl up.

Sasha was gathering the fabric, neat and quick with her folds. She then wrapped it tight in a bigger piece--a black swatch.

The two stood, Mikasa keeping a hand ready to grab onto Sasha. They left, leaving Hitch behind them.


	23. A Red Thread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could try and learn a thing known as patience and self-control. But that's could, not should.
> 
> Thank you for sticking around this far in! Hope you all continue to enjoy :]

Eren wiped his brow with the handkerchief Mikasa had given him. He felt a little guilty using something so pretty. Then again, she did tell him it was meant to be practical. Considering all the free time they now had, she was back into the embroidery. Still using a knife instead of the little scissors, Eren noted. 

He shook his head. The fact that he still couldn't harden his skin was why they had so much "free time." Time made worse due to it being the least relaxing. He was grateful that they were able to sneak away from the MP to practice what he was doing, but it was difficult. The Garrison could only pretend to be setting up canons for so long to cover up for the explosion of his transformations, preventing the nearby folk from getting too suspicious. And on top of that, the police only let him off the grounds for no more than three hours.

It was ridiculous. That was their home--

"Eren, are you ready?" Hanji's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Y-yes! Sorry!" Eren shoved the cloth back into his pocket. 

Her glasses shined in the light as she looked looked at the papers, careful with moving them around. "According to these, it's actually best if we do this at night." Hanji's lips pulled into a frown. "Moblit, can you read this sentence?" She squinted.

Moblit leaned over, his eyes sweeping across the fading ink.

Eren began to bounce from foot-to-foot. It was going to get dark soon, but a curfew had been put on him as well. Their attempts to control a beast they didn't understand...

Or pin the Scouts into a corner.

Eren frowned, feeling his rage start again. This wasn't right. It was wrong and went against everything he knew. Even through his anger, nervousness took root. Were his friends okay?

"Alright, Eren, let's try this one more time. Can you do the breathing exercises again?"

"Yah!" He nodded, eager to resume.

The boy took a deep breath through his nose and out through the mouth. He let his shoulders relax and the grass weave between his toes. Crows began to caw and drown out the voices of Hanji and Moblit. All thoughts had to be pushed out. The only thing he could allow to enter his mind was his drive for Humanity. The desire to protect and save...

He could feel his heart slow. Counting each beat...

Once he made it to ten, Eren brought his hand to his mouth.

His teeth tore through the skin and into the muscle. It hurt, but the sensation was fleeting.

There was no more noise. Hanji and Moblit were gone, as were the crows. Except for one sound...but it was muffled. As if somebody was crying into their hands...

Eren opened his eyes.

The scenery was the same, albeit blurry in the distance.

But what was clear as day was his father and the body he held.

There was something to be said about seeing your own corpse. Especially when it didn't look much older than your current state. The only thing that stood out to mark an imprint of time was his hair. It was longer and even a bit matted. Blood trickled from his mouth and nose, his eyes were vacant and misty.

Grisha was sobbing into the unmoving chest. His glasses were pushed up into his brown hair, one lens cracked. His own chest heaved with each gasp and pathetic choke.

Eren stared. A different rage seized him, along with sorrow and loneliness.

"D-dad...?" He breathed the words out, letting them mist away into the air.

Grisha's head snapped up. His glasses fell back down, obscuring how puffy his eyes had become. He readjusted them.

"Eren!?" Grisha pulled the other one, the dead one close--as if to protect it from a monster.

He felt his heart plummet. "You did this!" The words clawed their way out. "Why are you pro--"

"Is Mikasa still with you?" 

Eren blinked, the rest of his thoughts stuck in his throat. He managed a nod.

His father seemed relieved. "Is Commander Smith still with you?"

Again, Eren managed a nod. The questions were starting to make him ill. 

Grisha pulled the corpse away. He took a deep breath and closed the lids. "Then you still have a chance." His eyes drifted back to him, the living and breathing one. 

He was staring at the clouds. They were pink and orange--beautiful.

So why the hell was he wet?

"Hes' waking up!" Hanji yelled, her voice drowned out over the torrent of water on his face.

"But he's still burning up," Moblit groaned. 

Eren tried to wave the man off as his face was patted dry. "What happened?" He rasped.

"You did it," but Hanji wasn't grinning. She held chunks of rock in her hand. 

Eren stared, horror rising in him. "What ha--"

Moblit shoved a waterskin into his hands.

He didn't speak again until it was empty. "What happened?"

"We wanted to ask you the same." 

It was then that Eren noticed the thin, scarlet streaks across her cheeks. He looked to see they were on Moblit too.

"Did I hurt anybody!?" Eren dropped the waterskin, looking between the two.

Moblit waved his hand. "We're fine. Don't worry about it."

"You did amazing--the moment you formed, the crystals were already growing. But then you began to shake and then you just...exploded." Hanji grabbed him by the shoulders. "That wasn't in the books." Her eyes were certainly shining with that hunger for scientific revelation, no sign of desperation in them.

Eren felt his breathing ease up.

"Are you all right?" She asked after a moment.

"I don't know." Eren replied after some silence. 

Moblit offered him the towel. "You're crying."

"Huh!?" Eren snatched it.

"Did you see anything?" Hanji let go of him. "Maybe a thought crossed your mind?"

Eren stared the towel. It was coarse, not as fine as the ones he used to have back home. Its cream color and the tan of his hands began to blur. Why was this happening? Why was he doing this in front of his superiors of all people? In the pit of his stomach he felt coldness.

"I don't know what I saw," he said after a moment. Try as he might, no rage would come. Nothing to chase away the spreading freeze in him.


	24. Green Thread-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then I go: Oh crap I have other fics and lots of responsibilities and catching up on this site. ...Hopefully the next chapter (as in an actual chapter and not me being a wacko with story presentation) will be up within a month.
> 
> Thanks for your patience and time, guys. It really means a lot to me that people see this fic and go "Why, yes, I think I shall read this."

He could hear Gregory moan and shake with spasms of pain. Eren dug his fingers into the blanket on Connie's bed. It was just them and Gregory now that Charles had passed. Helga was getting her stitches redone in another room.

Eren spun around. He had to do something. But then Connie would be by himself, watching Eren be useful while he himself could not be.

But the Scout was in so much pain...

Fuck it.

He went to the linen closet and grabbed a wash cloth. Its green color was faded and there were streaks and splashes of white on it where the lye got too concentrated. 

The boy skittered over to Gregory. The nurse who had been tending to him was now helping with another injured Scout in different room. Eren began to pat at his forehead, which was pouring with sweat. Thin, scarlet lines had snaked their way around his swollen leg. It was tempting to dab it clean, but Eren saw what happened when the nurse cleaned it last time--Gregory had let out raspy, choking yelps.

So instead he busied himself with keeping his face as dry as possible.

Gregory's clammy hand was groping for something.

"Right!" Eren's own hands were shaking as he grabbed the cup and pitcher. He could enjoy the cold trickles making their way between his fingers and the ceramic. Gregory would be grateful for it. "Here," Eren said, trying to make his hand still.

Gregory shook his head. He grabbed Eren's wrist, sending the cup clattering to the floor and water onto Eren's feet. "Please," the Scout grunted through clenched teeth. "Dr-draw the curtains." His eyes were glassy and locked on Eren's. They had always been a pretty shade of blue. The fever made them all the more fascinating to look at. "Do that. I-I'll be grateful." Gregory's grip was weak despite the amount of effort it was taking him to hold on. "Go be with Connie." He shut his eyes. "Keep an eye on Nina." The Scout forced his eyes open. "Do that."

He stared, his feet refusing to move. 

"Eren--"

"R-right!" Eren nodded, though not daring to remove his hand.

Gregroy took care of the task for him. His arm relaxed. It fell, not even having the strength to put it on the bed. Eren fumbled, hoping he left it in a comfortable position. He backed away and grabbed the curtains, trying to pull them as much as he could in a single motion. The rings screeched against the metal pole.

But Eren didn't move much farther than that. He could see Gregory's chest rise unevenly--and hear it too. His breathing was beginning to take on a crackling effect.

The death rattle echoed in his ears.

He could see Hannes' entrails dangling and hear Auruo's body crumble to the ground. Petra's spine snapped as it was bent in the most unnatural of ways while Erd's was crunched into pieces. Gunter dangled, his head hanging by threads. Franz in half, Mina's head being brought closer to the Titan's gaping mouth...Thomas dangling, still thinking and breathing; panicking...

His mother.

This was the Titans' fault. Annie, Reiner, Bertholdt...they betrayed them all. They continued this. The Titans were even further in Human territory, eating them exterminating them...

And here he was, Eren Jaeger, confined to an infirmary full of the dying and incapacitated.

But that was the Titans' fault, not his. Except it was. These people were mutilated and thrown at death's door all for him. To protect him because he was...what? A special Titan? Different because he didn't kill people? Except hardly anybody else saw him as that--he was a monster. He had to be put down, but not after being prodded at with spears and getting sliced open.

His stomach rolled, breakfast threatening to leave as Armin's voice danced in his ears, describing what happening to Annie...

A hand wrapped around his wrist.

Eren yelped and spun around.

Connie was staring at him, his tawny eyes shining. "Eren, are you okay?"

He wanted to laugh. Eren hadn't even realized how far he had backed away. So what kind of question was that! Of course he was okay, he was still standing and mobile. Not dead or bedridden or...getting stitched...

So why wasn't he killing the Titans? They were supposed to be brought to the Stohese district, weren't they? Well fuck them, why weren't they right outside this door, frozen in fear, something they've never felt...

"Uh--Eren?!" Connie moved to grab him by the shoulders.

The door opened and the nurse entered. "What's Gregory's status?" He asked.

It wasn't just sorrow but an atrocious mix of it and rage. The wail jettisoned from his lungs and out his throat, into the air. Let them come, the Titans and may they be paralyzed with fear so the Scouts could give them what they deserved!

"Oh, fuck, fuck, Eren!" Connie could barely be heard over the inhuman scream.

Eren's shaking knees gave out. He collapsed, burying his face into Connie's woolen blanket. The sobs were muffled and uneven as his body heaved.

"Get under the bed--now!" The nurse hissed, grabbing the boy.

Eren found himself under the bed, blinking back tears. 

A moment later there were frantic footsteps. His heart plummeted--the Military Police!

They ran in without grace or care, throwing the door open.

"Can I help you?" The nurse asked, his voice low, calm and deadly.

"We heard a scream." One said.

There was another set of footsteps.

"How dare you," Erwin's voice filled the room. "Barging into the infirmary like this?" He stopped just short of them. Eren could see his boots had bits of mud and blades of grass stuck to its soles. They were then pointed at him as Erwin looked at Connie.

"Connie, are you all right?"

"I, uh...yeah, I guess. But...Gregory's not..."

Erwin turned away. He marched over. There was the squeak and clack of the curtain being pulled back. It was followed by a second of silence.

His focus was back on the Military Police. "There. You've seen the cause of the noise. Now leave."

"But...what if something's amiss? What if one of them's snapped and--"

"Do I need to repeat myself?" Erwin's voice barely a whisper.

They began to back peddle.

The Commander advanced on them. "I have given you orders to leave this building. Leave my Scouts to mourn, they do not need your permission nor your protection to do so." His voice grew louder as he forced them to retreat out of the room. "You think it's perfectly acceptable to come in after one of mine dies and you're ready for an arrest?" He thundered, now outside. "Go back to your drills. You are on my grounds and you are to follow those orders, is that clear?"

As the door shut, Eren waited.

"It's safe." The nurse said after a moment.

Eren nodded, even if nobody could see the action. He crawled out, shaking.

"That was my fault," he mumbled.

The nurse frowned. "Don't worry. That may have resulted in something forcing them to stay away." He patted Eren's arm. "I'm going to take care of Gregory's body now."

Eren nodded. He turned back to Connie, whose eyes were on him again.

"Don't." Connie said before Eren could open his mouth. He took Eren's hand. "You don't need to say sorry for anything, okay?"

Eren forced a nod.


End file.
